In my last post, I shared how judgment is the cloud that alters the way we see the world.
When you solely choose to put your sense of value in material things, people, events, situations, or anything outside of yourself, you’re setting yourself up to get hurt. I think it’s totally okay to have a favorite TV show or a candy that makes you happy.
It’s natural to like and want things but we all need to have our own system of self-validation.
If you’ve ever had to compromise some of your wants, needs, or values for something else, you won’t forget that. Those events stick out like a sore thumb in memories. Usually, because they are filled with strong feelings that keep them alive. Feelings of fear, shame, disgust, and discomfort. If you repeatedly allow yourself to compromise on your values, this creates fragmented selves. Remember we talked about this? These are aspects of ourselves that we haven’t allowed to be free.
You may also want to read: Recognizing Denied Aspects of Self
For anyone reading who thinks: hey, I don’t have control over many of the things that happen in my life; it all started when I was younger–I’ve never had a choice. Respectively, there were likely a number of times as a kid when choice wasn’t always in your favor, or situations around you trained you to believe you did not have a choice. However, if we are ever going to attempt to change anything we need to understand that everything is a choice. It might be so uncomfortable to say NO or cancel plans or set a boundary but these are the necessary first steps to putting yourself first.
How does all of this relate to the way we feel judgment?
Subconsciously, we store all of these memories and pieces of information that then create an internal dialogue that says: I can’t have what other people have because I am unworthy. People don’t just walk around openly stating that they feel unworthy but somewhere deep down, we’ve internalized ideas that say as much. You see, when we constantly let ourselves play second fiddle, don’t speak up for ourselves, or rush to an appointment instead of giving ourselves two minutes to center, we are allowing things to happen to us.
Are you sitting passively in the passenger seat of your life while other people and things are driving the car? Remember it is your life and you’re meant to be driving the car.
In non-metaphorical terms: don’t sit by, letting things happen to you when things could be happening for you.
TLDR: the first step is always recognizing if and where you’re acting out of misalignment. Do you feel like you can’t fully be yourself in even a small way? Next, get to the root and find the trigger. When you can uncover why someone or something bothers you, you can trace it back to how you aren’t meeting your own needs. Is there something you’ve been denying yourself? Space, freedom, rest, basic needs, sleep, connection, etc. Name it.
When you respect yourself enough to give yourself the time, love, or amenities you desire, you don’t hate on other people for doing the same for themselves. Naturally, you’ll know that what they do doesn’t matter and doesn’t affect you.
You have internal validation.