I think we are in an era where the term self-care comes up more often than maybe it once did. Self-care is a buzzword that has become a catch-all to describe taking time for yourself. I want to deconstruct this idea a little bit.
We hear the word self-care and what comes to mind? We all think of something right away. Maybe the cliché idea of bubbles baths or Netflix and chill are prominent images. My personal favorite methods are going on a walk, hanging out with friends, or even (back when I had my pet rabbit) petting an animal can be extremely soothing. I’d be curious to hear what your go-to ideas of self-care are, if you want to share with me.
However, I have a modest proposal: we should be doing these things every day.
Self-care things aren’t supposed to be special occasion things. When we spend time on these sorts of activities (make sure you pick your own though—don’t hesitate to choose things you like) they give us purpose. If you aren’t doing something that lights you up every day then come talk to me.
I don’t look at self-care as a momentary thing. I consider the way certain activities make me feel and how they connect to me on a soul level. I ask myself: what’s your why? If you know why you’re doing something, you can attribute more meaning to the things that feel true to you…and consequently, let go of the frivolous stuff that doesn’t really advance you.
Speaking of frivolous stuff, let’s talk social media for a sec.
I am pretty sure the reason behind the creation of any social media app or site is for the purpose of connection and inspiration. If that is how you use it then that means:
- a) you don’t use it as a distraction—i.e. no mindless scrolling while on a break or standing in line. You dedicate time to spend because it makes you feel happy, and
- b) you feel rejuvenated, creative, or inspired through using it.
Different situations may play out but, at the root of things, I feel both of those items would be in place if you have a healthy relationship with social media. Yet, I’d be more inclined to call BS on most anyone who claims to have a healthy relationship with social media. There really is such a fine line to walk between using it for pleasure and turning it into a trap for self-criticism.
So many people like to utilize their free time on social media but it does not really do anything for them.
You think: Okay, I’m going to spend the rest of the evening on me by doing something I enjoy. Then, you open up your phone and suddenly a few hours have passed and all you have to add to your life is a neck cramp and a treacherous spiral into comparison and self-loathing. I’ve been there!
Let’s not just blame social media though. Heck, maybe pulling up that newly added second season of a show on Netflix isn’t really doing anything for you either. You finish your episodes and really don’t feel much better. Well, maybe a smidge of satisfaction at having watched a show you like but the feeling is fleeting as you start to settle back into reality. Well, let me not speak for everyone here. If binging that second season genuinely makes you feel happy to be alive and inspired to wake up tomorrow, then keep living life exactly the way you are!
Is your self-care time disguising a need for something else?
I can’t tell you what forms of self-care are right for you and neither can anyone else. You have to be the judge of how you are using certain outlets and if they are hindering you from growth or facing other problems. While I think we could all enjoy a distraction from stressful times, whatever problems we have are still going to be there when we end our self-care ritual.
Sometimes there isn’t much that can be done in a given moment. Although, more often than not, I think we have an underlying dissatisfaction with something and we are simply avoiding dealing with it. Maybe you hate your job but it’s easier to have a killer weekend drinking with friends than figure out how to get change your situation. When your finances aren’t in a great state, you might avoid looking at your bank statement because it just feels like a weight on you. If your physical health has dwindled away, it is much more comfortable to keep up your same patterns than have to clean house on habits that are harming you.
If you know me, I like to go deep (how’s that for my new profile one-liner?). There’s a reason as to why self-care activities seem to be super hit or miss or downright cringe-y just to even think about. That’s because the cliché self-care practices tend to offer such temporary, surface-level, momentary satisfaction that barely makes a dent in what is really the issue.
Many of us (though I’d prefer to say ALL of us) have areas where we could improve. We may be aware of what those areas are or we may not. Either way, nothing is ever going to change if you don’t take an interest in getting to the root cause of why you need that clutch of a distraction you’ve been leaning on.
I’ll take longer-lasting effects over temporary satisfaction any day.
At this point, you probably get my drift that I like taking a holistic approach, going deep, and achieving longer-lasting effects. If not, I’d just be bouncing from one self-care practice to the next, never feeling any better that before. I don’t want to totally knock any “light” self-care activities but I think we reach for these because they are all we know or we are afraid to go deeper.
What I mean by that is: we are conditioned to think that when something is bothersome, irritating, or unpleasant in our lives, we need only seek out a distraction that is the opposite of all that! However, if you recognize that the problem persists, that’s when you know the problem isn’t just a passing phase—it is a deeper-seated issue that needs to be addressed.
In the latter case, what we are actually searching for is connection to our authentic selves. Whatever your belief system is, I believe we all have a spiritual self within us that desires more attention than we give it. Spirituality is just one facet of us but I think it plays an integral part in connecting to our purpose and divine guidance. Another name for it is INTUITION. When things feel off, it is not because we are meant to have a sucky life; it is because we are out of alignment with ourselves!
Do you know what the best way to connect to our authentic selves is?
It is literally, so easy you won’t believe me. It does not require a luxurious space, tons of money, or fancy gadgets.
Sit in a quiet room and think.
Yup, it’s that simple.
The magic here is listening to what comes to mind. What are the things that are weighing on you? Are you happy or unhappy with your current situation? Why? What do you want to bring more of into your life?
I know I list these off so easily but they’re not easy questions and it’s not easy to be in such a setting with zero distractions. I admit it is scary to be alone and have to confront yourself with these deeper questions when you aren’t used to doing that. The stuff that arises might be a lot of “I don’t know” answers at first but it gets better after some tries. I promise.
Taking this time to really just sit with yourself and your thoughts, participating in self-assessment and constructive personal development, is what I call authentic self-care. When you truly know yourself, you are your best self.
There are some physical tools for enhancing self-care time that you might find helpful.
I said no fancy gadgets are needed but I will recommend a journal and pen. These simple and easily accessible tools can be super helpful when you feel like you’ve got a basket of trash (thoughts) inside your head that needs emptying. When you write all of that stuff out, your head feels cleared. In essence, your journal becomes an excellent avenue for any-time brain dumps!
Additionally, if the act of sitting in complete quiet seems like the opposite of peaceful, it’s because we are so conditioned to feel like we must always be doing something. I recommend putting on a guided meditation with a focus on whatever specific intention you’d like to work on or just play instrumental meditation music to set the mood. Both of these are great tools to help you get in the right headspace and put you in a state of ease. The meditations can be accessed free on YouTube, too! I’ll link my favorite guided one and instrumental one.
Now tell me, what does self-care mean to you? What makes you feel most connected to your authentic self?