Intentions vs. Expectations

by Melanie | Jan 18, 2020 | Blog, Home, Life, Personal Development, Wellness

I want to talk about INTENTIONS vs EXPECTATIONS.

On the surface, these may not seem like two opposing ideas–or even two related ideas but they are indeed connected.

For most of my life, I’ve been a holder of expectations. I’d paint a mental picture of the way an event “should” play out, or what I what I imagined I’d accomplish, or worse: how others will react or speak to me.

If you do this currently, I see you and it is totally understandable to want to be prepared and have a plan but actions are not quite as predictable as we might imagine, especially when we are talking about the actions of others.  For me, holding expectations only led me to: disappointment, frustration, anger, stress, anxiety, and unhappiness. Why? Because expectations are not reality. They are movies made up in our minds.

What is real are intentions.

Intentions, put plainly, are ways of being.  In my experience, I consider intentions to be 1) pertaining to myself and 2) action-oriented.  They remove the “wants” or “shoulds” from others and outside events and return my power to me.  

My process of intention-setting can take place at the start of my day but, most often, it happens when I feel dis-ease creep up on me.  The kind of intentions I like to set are focused on me being the best me I can be–i.e. being kind, loving, peaceful, forgiving, etc.  I also set intentions to release.  I can get frustrated and tense very easily, so much so that, historically, physical body pain develops even before I realize my own emotions!  Although, I’m working on changing that and, the more I connect to my inner self, the easier it gets. 

Start connecting the dots.

Anyway, throughout my day, I began taking note of the moments I’d feel the frustration, anxiety, or whatever negative emotion occurs.  I then began to see how I was dealing with it. I would not talk about my stressors, I’d bottle them up, bite my tongue, and let the discomfort manifest in my body.  I’d clench my hands and feet, scrunch up my shoulders, and stagnate my precious breath.  

You may experience different physical symptoms than I named when you experience stressful situations.  The thing to pay attention to is what is causing the discomfort.  Once you can pinpoint it, then you can start to remedy the situation by speaking up, taking action, or simply releasing expectations of how things should be and focusing on change within. 

Let me word this another way.  During an oracle card pull, I was shown that I’ve been longing for something.  For belonging.  Though, to just sit and wish for the connection I desire does not help anything.  I have to create what I want to have instead of waiting for it to come.  Applying this principle, I have to set intentions for how I want to be (what I choose to see, focus on, and create) and let go of expectations that what I want will come to me.  Change doesn’t start outside, it starts within.

Breakdown:

• Notice where you feel discomfort
• Pay attention to what triggers that feeling
• What about the person, situation, or thing is irritating?
• Can you change it?
  • Yes – take action!
  • No – change your mind!
• Set intentions to be truthful with yourself 

Toss expectations to the wind!  We don’t need them anymore.  What is beneficial and productive is holding intentions for ourselves.  What expectation can you reframe into an intention? 

Change doesn’t start outside, it starts within.