New Feelings, New Experiences

by Melanie | Jul 4, 2018 | Health, Home, Wellness

In college, I once had a professor who said to my class: do you really think your feelings are so original that no one else in the history of the world has ever felt those feelings?  Basically he was saying there is no such thing as original thought.  When we go through an experience, we likely aren’t feeling brand-new-to-human-kind-feelings but they are new to us individually!  Unique or not, our feelings—especially during trying times—matter.

What makes you think you and your feelings are so special?

I think there is this idea, particularly in the health community, that the more you know and the more you invest in experiences to grow yourself, the better you become.  You can’t learn about what makes you feel good and happy and not want to pursue that.  That’s self-development and there’s a special kind of confidence and power that comes with knowing yourself well enough to be able to identify what makes you thrive.  The difficult part comes when you plateau or, worse, take a nosedive in the total opposite direction.

In my case, I can almost look back to a few months ago and remember feeling like I was at the top of my young adult game.  Now, I feel anything but that.  I asked myself: how did I get here?  I was doing everything right.  Yet, right now, I just don’t even know how to deal.

So how do we navigate the world of new feelings and new experiences? 

We can get so used to the rising joy from checking off personal goals that we forget what it was like to not be able to accomplish things with such ease.  We forget how, when we were younger, EVERYTHING was new and we had to just take a deep breath and begin. 

As adults, our tendencies may not lean towards inventiveness.  Rather, we think we know it all; or have at least experienced enough, to be able to maneuver new situations.  Perhaps I should only speak for myself here but I got comfortable with being me.  I was happy with me but I also hadn’t ever tried being me in the outside world.

Think of this: it’s EASY to make time for you and what you want if all you have to worry about is you. 

When you throw other people, other commitments, and, let’s be real, other priorities into the mix, it is a rocky and convoluted road.

For the past two months I’ve been overwhelmed with the growing intensity of change in the air.  One new experience: fine.  Two: I’m managing.  Three, four, five, and counting: it’s a struggle to keep head above water nonetheless understand the changes.  That’s what we need to do, right?  Figure out the change so that we can get past it?

No, on the contrary, I’d argue that we’re better off trading our focus from the change to the experience. 

Again, these past two months, changes have been happening.  I keep turning my head side-to-side, watching as what I thought I knew warps and transcends into something else, and clutching at the nearest something IN SEEK OF STABILITY.  Stability that isn’t tangible because it resides inside us.

We can’t always have the luxury of time to come to understand a change.  Many times, change just happens and we must adapt.  But how?

What I can work on, and am currently working on, is coming to terms with is the experience.  I remind myself of older, somewhat difficult experiences that I didn’t think I would be able to get through and eventually did.  The getting through part is what’s hard. 

For starters, I’m relearning what it means to give myself grace.  To sit with the unpleasant emotions.  I remind myself that IT IS OKAY to admit this current experience SUCKS.  I am allowed to wallow in the discomfort so long as I need but this current situation IS NOT my everything.

Talk to someone.  I know this isn’t as simple as it sounds.  This was probably the HARDEST thing for me because I am such an isolated person and don’t let others in.  Still, my family was there.  Multiple friends noticed that I didn’t seem like myself either.  It’s hard to let someone in, especially if that is the reason you feel hurt now.  Though, even lighthearted conversation can do wonders for the soul.

Alternatively, writing is a wonderful tool.  It has been really helpful for me to flesh out the swirling thoughts in my head.  Sometimes I’ll write in letter-format (send or don’t send off—your choice), sometimes poems flow out of me, and sometimes I’ll just write down stories or memories so I can come back and remember what it was like to feel.  I like writing lists, too.  While I allow myself to write about what sucks, I’ll try to encourage myself to write at least one thing I’m grateful for, too.  

Compile inspiration.  In my journal, I’ve got several pages filled with quotes that I’ve heard or read or made up in my own head.  It feels monumental to see a phrase that resonates with you on paper.  Do you use Pinterest or WeHeartIt?  If you’re not much of a writer, it can feel equally satisfying to create a board with a collection of images that match the aesthetic of your life.  A mood board, if you will.  Give it a try.

At this point, I don’t have the answers.  I’m in the midst of the discomfort and struggle but I’m optimistic that I won’t always feel like this.  On a final note, I found this video by Kayln Nicholson on YouTube to be extremely helpful.  It is about how to let go of toxic things.  The title may sound a little extreme but she talks through the beginning steps, the working-through steps, and the steps for how to actually move on.  Check it out for some added pep, inspiration, and motivation to give yourself what you need during difficult times. 

I’m just a girl who is in pain and is remembering that my new feelings stem from a place that maybe isn’t so new.  All I can do is navigate this one step at a time.  If you’re also going through something, try any of my recommendations in the post.  If nothing else, please reach out!  You might be surprised at what someone else can offer that you didn’t know you needed yourself. 

Lots of love for you, friends♥