How and why do you do the things that you do? Kind of a big question, I know.
We’re all full of habits and learned responses for the way we behave and think. Most of these aren’t harmful but there are some thought patterns that we create are what I call mental traps. This is when we feel obligated to follow convention or scripts we’ve been given even though our soul is craving something else.
When you create rules for yourself about how you’re doing a task or how you feel, that starts to sink in on a deeper level. In a society with professions and guide books on how to do everything, it can make you feel as though there is only one way for how things should be done.
Yet, some of the best outcomes come from ditching the status quo, mixing colors that don’t normally go together, or venturing from the steps listed in a recipe.
When you remove the pressure for how you think things need to be, there’s a lot more room to just be.
Sometimes there are things that do require certain steps or qualities that may be difficult for us to follow.
Historically, I can say that when I put a lot of pressure on the thing I’m doing (and myself, by consequence) I grow to detest the activity, task, or whatever it is. For example, we all used to have to write essays in school and it probably caused some stress and lack of sleep. I definitely associated writing with essays and, years after getting out of school, I re-learned the value of writing.
I thought writing was only used for essays, books, journalists, or other purpose-driven media reasons. I didn’t think writing could just be for FUN. Once I separated from the ideas of what I thought writing involved (based on rules taught in school), like, you have to use fancy syntax, metaphors, create convincing arguments, etc., I was able to use it as a form of expression!
Even if essays were all you knew, too, there’s no point in writing off (pun intended) all other forms of writing because you truly get to set the bar for what works for you.
You still might be thinking: SHOULD I EVEN TRY IF I DON’T HAVE NATURAL TALENT?
There are some areas that we may be less inclined to engage in, or that we are not as talented as some other people. If we have genuine interest in a field of study, project, topic, hobby, or anything then we have go for it! Natural talent might make exploring these easier but that alone does not mean that we cannot do a task just because it’s challenging. I think not having natural talents should be treated like any other obstacle. Obstacles teach us growth and give us a reason to learn to do something in a way that is unique to us.
So, to keep with the writing example from before, instead of creating the self-dialogue about why you have to write in a certain style, you could focus on the intention of why you want to write. What is it you want to say?
Focus on the message and WHAT you want to convey, rather than HOW it’s going to sound or what other people are going to think of it. That gets you out of the mental trap of obsessing about things that are not within your control (how others view your writing) and bring it back to what you are capable of doing.
Beyond that, you can also get to establish the intention for why you’re doing something. In a society like ours that encourages specialization and making money off of everything, it’s also okay to want to do things just because.
The way you do something produces an outcome of the same nature.
I’m going to borrow an example a friend of mine gave me a recently. I was talking about the process for painting, that I have found to be useful for me. I mentioned the step of priming a canvas because that helps the other colors show up better, and is also ideal for texture. My friend said that is quite fine, but if the intention is to just paint for fun, maybe he would forgo that step of priming a canvas. If you want to do something just for fun, you want to do that right now and waiting and extra couple of hours for that primer to dry is taking away time from the fun that could be had from painting right now.
It was really interesting to hear that because there are all sorts of things that we feel require a process or steps to complete but it is truly the intention that we have that defines how we approach them. How can we take away some of the expectations, responsibilities or steps that we think are necessary?
Everyone can say that they have a formula or process that works for them, but you don’t have to follow someone else’s formula or process.
I can attest to not separating my wet and dry ingredients when baking and I think what I bake turns out just fine! That might sound sacrilegious to some bakers but if my intention is to just whip something up that is going to be tasty and not use a whole bunch of dishes, then I think I’m doing a pretty good job for myself.
This of course does not apply to areas of work or tasks of expertise that do require certain steps to be conducted properly. In no way am I trying to take away from the systems, methodologies, and principles well-established in certain fields. You wouldn’t want a surgeon taking shortcuts while you’re under the knife, would you? There’s many reasons why certain steps in certain lines of work are necessary. But what I’m talking about here are the everyday tasks that we think are necessary or struggle with because of the way we view them.
My goal over the past few years has been to find more ease.
That can come from adding in moments of rest and relaxation, but it can also come from the way I engage in moments throughout the day, every day. I’ve frequently said about myself: I have trouble relaxing. A big part of that script comes from my idea of what relaxing involves. If I imagine that I just have to be sitting down and not doing anything, then yeah that sounds like a drag.
If I reframe my idea of relaxing to involve, say, not doing something under a deadline or not doing something too mentally stimulating, then that is more approachable. Where are places that you could lighten the expectations for how you do something? Essentially, where are places that you could reframe how you think you need to do something?
To go back to the earlier example of painting, if you’re trying to just have fun, then forget about all the stuff that you think is required. If the intention is to create a high-quality, museum-worthy painting, then perhaps you’ll want to investigate what steps make for a vibrant and long-lasting painting.
Many times how we think something needs to be is what keeps us from learning more or diving into something that is new to us. If we just take a step back, we can easily reframe our intention and incorporate some ease into our mind and activities. From that place, we can do things because we want to and not because we think we have to.
Do you hold expectations about how you think things should be done? What’s an area you can reframe with a new intention?
xo,
Melanie
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I have numerous posts here on my blog about different treatments I’ve tried and different approaches I have undertaken in an attempt to heal the constant tension and pain I’ve held in my jaw and neck for the past 2+ years. Pain that has transferred and manifested in several other parts of my body, too. At times the pain subsides and, other times, I wonder how I can keep on living in my body. I’m sure if you deal with TMJ Disorder or have any form of chronic pain you can understand how I feel.
It’s taken a lot of exploration, self-care, and resilience to get me here today. I now bear a fraction of the TMJ pain I once had and my symptoms have nearly gone away. I went from not being able to open my mouth larger than the size of a golf ball to, well, having my face feel more like my face again.
There are some key things that have helped me and I want to share them in case they can be of help to you–wherever you are in your journey to heal TMJD or chronic pain!
Quick definition:
TMJ stands for Temporomandibular joint which is the joint that runs along the side of the face. It begins at the temples and runs down in front of the earlobes and into the jaw. TMJ is not an ailment itself but TMJD (or TMJ Disorder) involves a series of symptoms stemming from that area of the body.
There is a lot that I’ve learned (not only about my TMJ symptoms but) about my overall health and the very interconnectedness of all aches, stressors, symptoms, emotions, and more that I feel needs to be talked about.
Before I dive into how I’ve been able to heal, I want to drop some references to other posts you may want to check out. My process for healing my TMJ disorder and related pains involved me looking into how I could better myself on multiple levels.
Because this is the internet, I will also put the disclaimer that anything I share here is just personal experience and meant to be used for educational purposes and not as a replacement for medical care, professional advice, or otherwise.
My only suggestion would be to try out what stands out to you and know that a combination of the below therapies and tools have work best rather than just one thing alone. Also, be open-minded and be willing to commit to yourself! Healing is on the other side of resistance.
The Mel Makes It Happen Grand List of Tools for TMJ Disorder:
Oral Night Guard
I got a night guard early on when pain in my jaw first started developing. These are easy to obtain at drugstores but I would recommend getting one specially made for you at your dentist/orthodontist because that one will be much more comfortable!
Essential Oils
I’ve tried a variety of essential oils, including Young Living’s PanAway blend or the Saje Wellness Peppermint Halo roll-on for when my jaw had serious pain. Those are my personal favorites but if you have single oils on hand, you can apply a mix of peppermint, rosemary, clove, wintergreen, and helichrysum can be a good one, too. However, what has been incredibly helpful for me has actually been theH. Gillerman Jaw Clenching Remedy. It works subtly to calm the jaw enough to release the muscles. Once the jaw is less focused on clenching, it is more susceptible to the benefits of physical therapy exercises (see below).
CBD
While CBD doesn’t completely take away pain, it does dull pain enough for you to carry on with your day/night. While essential oils tend to provide an invigorating or calming effect (depending on what oil you use), CBD encourages relaxation which can be especially helpful before bed. Anything you can do to help relax you so you’re not clenching is helpful!
Jade Roller
The facial self-care is definitely up when you have TMJ disorder. Ajade rollercan feel very nice, not only because of its cooling effects (when stored in the fridge) but because it helps rub out the muscles. Jade rolling can be done morning or night as an accompaniment to your skincare routine. I like to use the roller to focus near the sides of my face on the muscles a little harder to dig into with my hands alone.
Yoga
There are some yoga stretches that may be helpful when TMJD symptoms extend past the jaw and into the neck, shoulders, and back. I like this 10 min videoto help squeeze out the knots in the upper body. Definitely explore videos on YouTube because there are lots of yoga and stretching videos for any part of the body that needs some loving. Here’sanother good one just in case you like options!
Therapeutic Face Massage
If you don’t have a jade roller, or if you’re just more of a hands-on person, self massage is perfect! I started researching various massages on YouTube and foundthis one to be really helpful.
Chiropractic Care
I started seeing a chiropractor in January 2020 and you can read all about my experience in my 6 month recap post. It took me trying out three different chiropractors to find one with a structured treatment plan aimed at helping my jaw improve. In a situation like this, I was also given physical therapy exercises I could do at home, which I feel are very necessary if you have TMJ issues. It’s worthwhile to get clear on what the professional can help with and constantly reassess treatment as your symptoms change. You want someone who is willing to work with you and not solely lead you down a path they feel is best.
MY TIP: When first looking for a chiropractor, or any professional healthcare assistance, it’s best to call or visit their website to see if they have a specific treatment plan for how to tend to TMJ disorder.
Acupuncture
I’ve also written about my acupuncture experienceand this was one of my favorite treatments. The same rules from above apply (ask questions!). My acupuncturist is more consultation-based so I was able to ask questions and express concerns at the initial and every subsequent visit. I had cupping done, to help draw out the tension, and needles inserted, to target the root of my pain spots. The perk of acupuncture is how relatively quick results are. So, a couple of weeks of treatment will definitely move the needle in the healing direction (pun intended).
Facial Massage
A friend of mine introduced me to qi gong which is a gentle form of movement that helps to maximize your body’s natural energy. One day I curiously searched for qi gong for the face on YouTube and came across someqi gong facial massages! I’d consider these to be different than physical therapy or other types of facial massage. While they aren’t targeted at TMJ pain, I think they help get the energy flowing when my face feels a little stiff or swollen (especially in the mornings).
Dr. Adam Fields TMJ videos
I recommend these more than anything! The exercises outlined in Dr. Field’s firstand secondvideo really help to stretch the jaw in unique ways I hadn’t seen anywhere else. Obviously I’ve sought out many resources and that’s why I’ve put together this list! If you are like me and deal with neck issues also, his series of videos for neck exercises are also outstanding.
Lymphatic Drainage Massage
I want to do a whole post about lymphatic drainage because this whole system is so fascinating! With all of the muscle tension, swelling, and pain happening in the face, jaw, and neck, lymphatic drainage helps to aid in detoxification. This specific style of massage works with the lymphatic system to decrease inflammation and puffiness, which are (in my opinion) frustrating and uncomfortable side effects to TMJ issues. This video is specifically for the jaw, cheek, and neck.
You may be wondering if you read that right or if I made a mistake with the title and the answer is no. I fully meant singing. I started to think about the jaw/neck pain that I had on a multi level way, besides physical. I resonate with the chakra system and in that methodology, dysfunction in the neck and jaw equates with not speaking your truth or underutilizing your communication sector. Singing is a rather fun way of opening up the vocal chords and loosening up the jaw. I began dedicating time to vocal warm ups and singing along to my favorite songs on a regular basis.
Enforcing boundaries
In the same spirit of tapping into the throat chakra, enforcing boundaries is a very important thing to communicate. In the past, I have tended to shy away from saying no and have looked for others to set the pace. This is not only a very passive way to live but it encourages others to walk all over you! I’ve gained more understanding of my values and have thus been practicing laying out my needs with others as clearly as possible. Take what you want from this but exercising this muscle has been so helpful for me.
Speaking my truth, unapologetically
What hurts me the most is not standing up for myself. Not being honest about what matters to me and, instead, morphing to fit what others desire. It is incredibly unsustainable, for one. Secondly, I’ve come into the mindset that each one of us deserves happiness. So dimming our light or belittling ourselves so as not to take up space (literally or figuratively) is only keeping us from blossoming into the most healed and authentic version of ourselves. Do not be afraid to share what is really in your heart!
Stress reduction
Have you heard that stress is the cause of all ails? It is linked to many chronic illnesses and that is largely because it keeps your body in a heightened state of panic, utilizing all of its valuable resources! Think: fight or flight. When your body is stressed out, it isn’t able to spend time allocating resources to engage in bodily processes or heal. Think: rest and digest. Instead of zooming places, rushing through your day, or holding your breath (something I’m guilty of), consider how you can make this very moment a little more peaceful? If you can incorporate relaxation into this moment, and then the next moment, and then the next, you’re better setting your body up to heal itself.
Self-connection
I believe our bodies hold answers to many things about us that we may not even be consciously aware of. A practice I like to do involves sitting in a quiet room alone and taking note of how I feel. Asking myself what the spots I hold pain are saying and what they are asking me to notice. Our bodies really do talk to us but we have to be open to listening. Take what you may from this but connecting to myself in this way has helped me feel more involved in my healing and not just a passenger in the process.
Having a healing mindset
I share this one last because I have struggled to maintain this myself. I feel that my own healing fluctuates a lot and that has made me doubt whether I’m getting better or not. I’ve been working to shift my perspective to not see obstacles as “not healing” but rather a step in the life-long process of healing.
Healing is on the other side of resistance.
There we are! I’ve tried many remedies and techniques to help heal my TMJ disorder symptoms naturally and I’ve covered just about all of them. My jaw has felt better in recent time but I wouldn’t say any one thing alone has taken my jaw pain away. I will say that dedication to healing and being willing to try out a combination of the aforementioned tools has helped me become happier and more able to function in a way that feels “like myself”.
I hope you may give some of these a try and let me know how it goes. Plus, feel free to share any treatments or techniques that have worked for you in the comments. I’d love to make this as large of a resource page as possible!
Lastly, if you know anyone who could use the information on this post, please send it their way!
Are you a fan of affirmations? Saying things like, “I am a money-magnet” or, “I am confident and capable of anything I set my mind on”? I like the intention behind affirmations but they’ve always felt a little surface-level to me.
I started speaking intentions while doing body massages and movements and that completely changed the game!
How to connect the mind and body with an affirmation:
1. Pick a belief or intention you’d like to hone in on.
Ex: for me, I’ve been repeating “I am pain-free and in optimal health”
2. Connect what you’d like to affirm with your body
Ex: massaging my body is my favorite but some other movements that work are: jumping up and down, tapping any part of your body, standing and alternating flexing your feet, or making brushing movements over the body (I love this one if my affirmation involves “letting go” of something). Affirmations can also be said when exercising but I would just recommend keeping the movements gentle and low-impact.
3. Use this practice in the morning to set you up for an amazing day or use anytime you need to remind yourself of what matters most.
Why does this work?
Well, our bodies store and receive information just as our brain does. So the same way you can see something gross and your mind right away says “NO, stay away!”, your body can cringe or tense up in response. So, we can’t simply TELL ourselves to think a certain way, we need to show our body there is trust. This is similar to the principles that EFT therapy is built upon.
Establish trust by saying an affirmation you want to embody and moving in a way that feels good to you. Repetition of this builds trust. Trust builds follow-through on what you’d like to bring to fruition.
Are you a fan of affirmations? If you feel like they’re a little pointless, try adding in some body movements as described above and see if anything changes!
At this time each year, I crave watching movies and shows that match the season. I’m always excited to see a list of things related to fall but, as a self-labeled fall fanatic, I feel like media is lacking in terms of fall-esque stuff to watch. I think I might be in the minority group that is a fan of fall’s nature vibes but not a fan of the super scary stuff associated with the season, or October mostly. A little scare is okay but I seek to connect more with a story than get a jump-out-of-my-seat thrill, if you know what I mean. So nothing I name will be too scary, if you know what I mean.
Are you more of a fall vibes and story kind of person or more into the scary Halloween side? When I got the idea to write this list, I set out on a mission to make the biggest and best non-scary fall movies list. It turns out, either I haven’t seen as many movies as I think I have, or I’ve based my entire archetype of “fall” on one movie.
I’ll address the elephant in the room: Hocus Pocus!
I know everyone was thinking about it. Ask any 90s-born person what movie “feels like fall” and they’ll name Hocus Pocus. After taking a quick survey in my immediate circle that continued to be the first movie response. It’s not a bad thing. It’s legit one of my favorite movies. It doesn’t get old in my book! However, the list below is designed out of personal need for some other options!
While movies are my jam, I know a TV show can definitely set the mood, too. Most of these are light-hearted movies and shows but I’ll make notes for the slightly scarier ones on the list.
The following are my personal favorites to watch this time of year:
Movies:
Practical Magic
Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman play two witch sisters outcast by their community. There’s death, resurrections, evil spirits, and more to deal with in their pursuit of love. Oh yeah, and did I mention their family is cursed? Some moments of suspense and darker material.
Teen Witch
Most teens who turn 16 just have awkward times of puberty and high school parties to deal with. For lonely-hearted Louise, she decides to use her newfound powers to shape her life into exactly what she wants, until it’s not anymore. A light-hearted watch.
Halloweentown
Yes, this is originally a Disney Channel Original Movie but it’s basically the most classic depiction of the season, next to Hocus Pocus, in my book. There are actually a ton of fall-ish TV movies but, for the sake of ease and accessibility, I’m limiting this list to Marnie Cromwell. Minor scares.
Sleepy Hollow
The story of Ichabod Crane is an intriguing one because this is a character too scared for the adventure ahead of him. Johnny Depp’s portrayal of Crane in this Tim Burton film is quirky among chaos and secrecy in the small town of Sleepy Hollow. Story is scary in theme and elements.
Crimson Peak
A rich heir finds herself enchanted and married to an inventor in the Progressive Era. He whisks her off to live in his downtrodden mansion which holds more eerie secrets than he’s alluded to. Gothic horror story, but more dark than scary.
Hubie Halloween
Adam Sandler’s newest comedy on Netflix, as of October 2020, is one of the most delightful Halloween films I’ve seen in a while. Sandler plays a too-naïve-for-his-own-good fella who wants to keep his community safe on Halloween night. There are tricks and treats in this silly comedy. All laughs, no scares.
It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown
Technically, this one is classified as a movie but it’s more of a special in my eyes. As part of the Peanuts series of television specials, this one hits on all the right elements of October with Charlie Brown and company preparing for an evening of trick-or-treating and testing their theory on The Great Pumpkin. A lighthearted watch.
Shows:
The Secret Circle
Probably the most intense CW show to date, The Secret Circle takes place in dark and dreary Washington where Cassie Blake is trying to move on after her mother’s death. She catches the attention of a group of teens who tell her she is the last piece of their coven of witches. Dark and intense.
Hart of Dixie
To me, the South is home to some of the most fall vibes, which are shown as big-city doctor Zoe Hart, played by Rachel Bilson, navigates life in the small town of Bluebell, Alabama. Lighthearted humor.
Salem
A dark series set in 17th century Salem, Massachusetts. Instead of focusing on the infamous Salem witch trials, the show circles around a coven of female witches seeking to rise up and rule the community. Expect spells, dark magic, rotating power dynamics, and a tumultuous love story in this gem of a show. Dark thematic elements.
Reign
Following the life path of Queen Mary of Scots beginning with her move to France, we witness the power struggles of a Queen with no country. The landscapes and thematic footage in this show very much fits my idea of fall. Emotionally-involving.
The Witches of East End
This female-centered series follows two elder sisters guide their younger daughters in their discovery of their magic gifts. Things go horribly wrong as they struggle to balance their magic sides and the relationships with those they love. Dark and enchanting.
The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina
This instant favorite series takes Sabrina Spellman out of the walls of high school and thrusts her into the underworld, a dark academy with other witches, and unimaginable scenarios with horrors in her small town of Greendale. Elements of dark, gothic horror.
What do you think of the list? As I think about fall more, November and December are technically still fall but the vibe is totally different. It’s not fall like October is fall, you know? Regardless of the technicalities, hopefully you picked up something new off this list to watch that fits the mood this season.
If there are any movies or shows you think I should check out and add to this list then let me know in the comments. I’m always happy to hear from you.
There is a lot that I’ve learned about my overall health and the very interconnectedness of all aches, stressors, symptoms, emotions, and more that I feel needs to be talked about. Having gone through the process of healing many times, and still going through it, I wanted to bring some illumination on how to recognize when dis-ease exists in the body.
You can also check out my post on The Process of Healing for more details about what it’s like after recognizing what is not right.
Dis-ease is not necessarily disease but it can be a sickness that you can’t put your finger on. It can be a variety of symptoms that do not show up on a blood panel or when you step on a scale. The symptoms have more to do with not feeling happy, not feeling whole, and not feeling self-worth.
Dis-ease is a state of being out of alignment with your natural state of authenticity, radiance, and vibrant health.
Because this is the internet, I will also put the disclaimer that anything I share here is just personal experience and meant to be used for educational purposes and not as a replacement for medical care, professional advice, or otherwise.
I’m going to begin by breaking down the three main components of pain or any sort of dis-ease in the body.
I consider the following three areas whenever I am ill or simply not feeling myself. These are the frames by which I view symptoms and seek to create harmony amongst them. There may be times when only one area needs attention but, most often for me, when signs show up in one place, it indicates the need for attention somewhere else.
Mental/ Emotional Component
Anyone who has experienced loss, disappointment, or heartbreak knows that these are strong emotions that can be difficult to make peace with. Any stressful or involving tasks, experiences, or even relationships with people can create a heavy weight that affects our health. Additionally, our mindset plays a large role in how we feel, too. Those who hold personal strengths such as positive thinking, resilience, optimism, willpower, mindfulness, and a good mood tend to have better self-management tendencies, as shown in this study.
Has stress ever kept you up at night worrying about something? Maybe to the point where you developed a headache? That has happened to me more often than I’d like. Stress is often talked about as being a mental sickness but it can manifest physically, too.
Physical Component
The physical component is what often stands out to us first when there is something “wrong”. This could be pain that burns, aches, tingles, or has any sensation of discomfort or out of the ordinary. Tightness, stiffness, or general fatigue are also tell-tale signs of something being off in the body. For a long time, I dealt with wild gastrointestinal distress (and still do on-and-off) such as bloating, constipation, dysbiosis, abdominal pain, and even the development of food sensitivities/intolerances. Rashes, itchy skin, and allergies, are also very much tied to other imbalances in the body.
Sometimes it can very plainly be a case of an allergy where eating something will cause a severe reaction in the body. However, when symptoms, like the ones described above, seem to appear out of nowhere, then I can’t help but wonder where it’s coming from and how it started. The weight of mental and emotional burdens are enough to take a toll on physical health. Read more in-depth about my experiences here.
Spiritual Component
We cannot dismiss the very important component of spirituality. For many, religion or a practice that offers ways to make sense of our humanness proves to be helpful, especially during difficult times. I believe an established sense of spirituality helps us ground into our values, our heart-centered beliefs, and instill us with the power to be our own healer. This is a complex facet that can definitely take up a whole post on its own. However, just to clarify: we each determine our sense of spirituality. There are NO rules about how, when, or if we do something.
For those without a spiritual practice, simply honing in on values and mindfulness can be beneficial, too. That can be a bit more cerebral but it still helps to ignite awareness of the self and root into the inherent worthiness we each have. Beyond the facts, knowledge, and physical evidence, whatever ideas or beliefs we hold are going to be the thing that motivates us forward or keeps us from healing.
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