Years ago, healing is not a word I would have associated with myself in a long-term state. To me, healing was the 1 to 2 weeks it takes to get over a cold or the 6 months someone might require of physical therapy post-injury. I’ve even shared about my childhood arthritis and how remission seemed almost immediate. I’ve never had concerns linger around long enough for me to see how layered healing can really be.
Healing is a process.
It was a naïve way of thinking to believe that healing was a one-and-done situation. It was only through a variety of trials as an adult that I have explored different ways of being and different practices. Each one has taught me a lot about myself but some really led me astray in ways that I’m still unpacking today.
Just to name a few: when I got my first full-time job, I was exposed to working with others, learning what I value in work, falling in love, and stress like I’ve never experienced before all-in-one place. I over exercised my body into a state of amenorrhea and hormonal imbalance. There’s also the interesting facet of disordered eating and body image issues that I can’t remember establishing but nonetheless affected me in major ways.
So, when I realized how much any one of these events, or aspects of them, was affecting me, I had to seek out healing.
Check out my post on How to Recognize Dis-Ease for more explanation on what it means when something is affecting you. For me, often the desire for healing came from insomniatic thoughts keeping me up and crying at 12 am. Or spending too many evenings with a belly ache and a disgust for the way I would treat myself. A lot of the time, it came from me seeing someone I admire living FREELY and me really wanting to no longer be tied down to my burdens.
However, just because I made a decision in ONE moment, it didn’t mean I was relieved.
There is the initial stage of learning what’s wrong. I use the word “wrong” loosely here, only as a means to signify what is out of alignment for you. What happens after this has no pattern, guidebook, or timeline because it’s different for everyone. It is inevitable that I learned more about my relationship to my symptoms and why they existed in the time (days, months, and years) following the ah-ha moment when I realized what was out of alignment.
Sometimes it seemed obvious like, maybe I ate food that just doesn’t sit well with me. Yet, as my unique process of healing moved along, I realized there is a lot that I was doing to myself. It wasn’t necessarily some outside thing affecting me, in several cases I began to flip the script and see how I was affecting me.
The role of the self in healing:
They say that the first step in recovering is recognizing that you have a problem. Well, I knew very well that I had a problem but that didn’t always inspire action. I simultaneously held in my mind the desire to change my ways and the desire to cling to what was comfortable. The fear of “what if I’m unfixable?” or “what if I try something different and it doesn’t actually make me feel better?” plagued me and kept me oscillating between getting better and just being in a rut.
Oh yeah, the rut. There’s also the time I spent not actively trying to get better. When I thought I’d reached a good place with myself, I’d succumb to my old ways, thinking I could handle a swim. Instead of holding my head above water, I quickly sunk into the habits, discomfort, and thought processes that I thought were gone.
I didn’t know I was backpedaling until I was in the thick of the muck again. I do not admonish myself because this needed to happen once, twice, 38,420,950 times until I finally learned I don’t want this to keep happening! We are human beings that learn through patterns and establishing new ways of being requires commitment to try again. Healing isn’t about “getting it right”, it’s about being willing to learn your ways, anticipate possibilities, call yourself out on your BS, and be willing to start over many, many times.
To put it simply: healing is a process.
Healing may start out as a way to get rid of toxins, negative thoughts, bad habits, and pain. The healing that endures takes a more holistic approach of not just looking at the symptom but how that symptom arrived in the first place. The process of healing involves an ongoing journey of learning, connecting all aspects of health, and being open to adapting.
xo,
Melanie
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Disclaimer: any material shared on Mel Makes It Happen is based on personal experience of the author and meant to be used for educational purposes only. The information is not a replacement for medical care, therapy, or professional advice/treatment.
I’m 26! It seems to me that 26 doesn’t have as quite a ring to it as 21 or even 25 but it’s a special day nonetheless. I’m taking this as a moment to reflect on myself and catalog the fact that I’ve really been through a lot (relatively speaking) in the past year.
If I look back at my life a year ago, some things are the same.
I was going to acupuncture and getting cupping and needles put into my body to help with my chronic pain. Today I still deal with pain but I am healing (more on that soon). A year ago, I felt pressured to figure out what I could do for work—since that’s what we grow up believing we need to shape our lives around, right? Today I think less about how I will fit into a workspace that exists and instead realize I’m meant to create that for myself. A year ago, I was still living in the place that I grew up in and wishing I could pick up and move. Today that’s still the case but I can also admire how it doesn’t take being someplace new to become someone new.
It is now my 26th year of life and much seems the same on the surface but so much has happened within me that pure words alone will prove challenging to illustrate. I will try my best, though. I have transformed, evolved, shed my skin, built walls, and taken those walls down. Nothing has happened yet everything has happened. Everything that has happened is more than I can describe right now in this post today but I can still tell you something….
I’ve had the most transformative year—a transformative last 2 years, if I’m being fair.
The feeling of sameness has plagued me for a long time. When I was younger I remember going to school, the monotony of classes, the dullness of summers, and everything was just the same, year after year. I was longing for something to take me to another state or for my mom to let me dye my hair, or something, anything big to happen. Little did I know that whatever big thing I wanted wasn’t going to solve the way I felt on the inside. What was causing me so much distress had more to do with what was happening on the inside. In my body and in my self—my identity.
What I was feeling had to do with the small little actions that happen everyday that dictate the person I am today.
Now, those little actions are so outstanding and miraculous. I can look back and see how the things I was struggling with inside of me changed just by taking the smallest of actions. By showing up for myself. For trying when no one around me could see my vision. For knowing when to give up when everyone else seems to be going forward. For seeking out education when I thought there was nothing left to learn. For holding onto hope when I thought my case was hopeless. The insecurities that I had, while they might still be here today, are so much smaller.
Yeah you could say it’s because we grow and, naturally, as you come into yourself, things get better. But I don’t believe things just get better without any effort, without trying.
I know I have put in so much self-work. It’s not without really branching out of myself that I’ve been able to reach out to people in all sorts of different places and from different backgrounds and ask them to be on my podcast. It’s not without trying that I have recreated habits that I have for myself that were keeping me in disordered eating patterns and fought to overcome them. And it’s not without lots of research, sleepless nights, crying, and questioning my motives and desires and beliefs that I’ve been able to feel more like myself than I ever have before.
There was a lot of gunk to get through when I started digging around in the depths of my subconscious. Sifting through many years of trauma. I learned how much I’ve been soaking in my parents and family’s beliefs, society’s rules, and people’s ideas and projections about who they wanted me to be, and I have finally arrived here today. I don’t feel like the most evolved version of Melanie Moreno; yet, I do feel more capable than I ever have before. I used to have no confidence in myself to pursue the things that interested me. I wanted so desperately for someone else to show me what was safe, tell me what’s valuable, do something for me…because, that way, I couldn’t screw it up. I was so unsure of myself.
The insecurities that I had, while they might still be here today, are so much smaller.
No one ever told me it was okay to make mistakes. No one ever said it was okay for me to try out different things and see if I like them. It was always:
Make the most of the time you’re spending and commit FULLY to get the best results.
Don’t be one of those girls who just jumps around from person to person (or thing to thing).
What’s going on with you is your business and you shouldn’t be telling anyone else that.
All you need is to go to school and then college and get a decent job that’s going to pay you well, has reasonable benefits, and is enough to support you and your family (assuming I want one).
These were ideas I was always taught and surrounded by growing up. I took them in as if they were an undebatable truth but these ideas are not MY TRUTH.
This all implies I have no soul.
All of this was said to me as if I am just a thing. A cog in the machine meant to work within the system that has already existed–the world’s system that governs us, whether we know it or not–but it doesn’t take into account gifts that I have. That each individual has. I am so much more a work horse. “Why can’t other people let you just be who you want to be?” was a thought I had often about myself. I thought it was other people’s fault, the system’s fault, society’s fault that I’m stuck.
To what benefit are you to the governing powers when you can feel and create from your own mind? You are a threat to society, to tradition, if you can think and feel and create.There isn’t room for your unique abilities in this antiquated, straight, one dimensional path created by us–a few select men–who could no way know you. Who could no way could understand nor represent the varying and limitless qualities all human beings existing on this Earth at this time. Or even into the future.
Evolution isn’t just for monkeys and plants, humans are constantly evolving. And we aren’t just what the scientific journals and old textbooks will have you think we are. There is no limit to what we can do and, with each generation that wakes up, that chooses to live authentically, and that tries to be better for themselves and for their community, they help create more awakened and WHOLE human beings.
Humans who do not want to look outside themselves for answers. Humans who do not want to sit indoors with artificial lighting all day long while LIFE continues happening outside. Humans who do not want to live ONE way. Humans who are accepting of individuality and the beauty that comes with that.
So it is with all of this in mind that I look back on the past year and I just have appreciation for myself. For my younger self who really didn’t have a plan or clue what to do. All she had were a few vague ideas of what appealed to her and she went after them. Even though it didn’t make sense and she doubted whether anyone even cared. A lot of it still doesn’t make sense and a lot of people probably don’t care.
There is no limit to what we can do and, with each generation that wakes up, that chooses to live authentically, and that tries to be better for themselves and for their community, they help create more awakened and WHOLE human beings.
What matters is to be a human being, to be alive, to have a mind, a heart, and a soul. That means you are something. Means that you have substance. You have a purpose. Not the kind of purpose that the world would like to make you think you need to have–one that is inflicted upon you–but an internal source of purpose. To be you. And that’s what this year has been. A year of being me, or trying to see what that could be like. A little more, and a little more, and a little more.
Thanks for sticking with me through all of the changes and growth.
XOXO,
Melanie
P.S. somehow I skipped out on sharing a birthday post last year but, if you’d like to read my blog post from two years ago when I turned 24 (woo!), check it out here: Birthday Reflections 2018
I hope this summer has found you well. I hope you have opened up to discovering the possibilities present. I hope you’ve opened up to ways that you can be a creator of whatever it is you want. If none of that resonates, I simply hope you have been happy.
That’s what I’ve been trying to find, trying to be.
I’ve never been the kind of person who uses the word happy as a state-of-being. Partially because I’m naturally a little manic and fluctuate between feeling over the moon excited, pit of despair depressed, and the most common feeling: nothing. There’s a lot of nothing, dull, boring types of moments in my life. Happy seems elevated beyond ordinary in a way I’ve never felt I could meet.
You know those scales with smiley faces at the hospital that say “rate your pain”? There are usually 10 levels, with 1 being the least and 10 being the worst pain. Somehow, I invented my own scale for my state-of-being with 10 being happy. So if 10 is the best, can you really feel like a 10 all the time? No. Or, at least I don’t think so.
Basically I’ve withheld my feelings of being a 10 and being happy for a while.
You might be thinking: why would you do such a thing? It sounds like you’re making life harder on yourself.
Damn right, I am. Primarily, this is because being a ball of stress and anxiety has been my resting state. That is the way I’ve felt for months and that comes from me forcing myself to do a lot of activities and be in situations that I were just not working for me. I was working in a job I hated, which younger me promised this would never happen again, but here I was. Then, even the enjoyable things I did in addition were filled with a rushed and strained energy. Having majority of my days spent on things I hated made me put a lot of pressure on the things I liked to fulfill my every need. Everything was out of balance.
Another factor to not feeling like a 10 has more to do with long-term planning. I might feel good one day but what if I happen to feel even better on a future day? Saving my 10s, essentially. If I rate my happiness today as a 10 then can that future happiness be a 10? As a human being, or maybe simply as me, novelty of experiences impacts the way I feel. I have largely formulated ratings for how I feel based on the experiences I’m having. If novel experiences are rarely repeatable then perhaps my happiness cannot be either. It’s worth noting that I’m not purposefully doing any of this.
Through lots of self-reflection, I’ve realized I have been withholding feeling happy because it’s something I can control.
Just to unpack this a little more, it’s not a bad thing to be influenced by experiences as a marker for how you feel. Things like: taking a trip, meeting up for lunch at a new restaurant, talking to a friend you haven’t spoken to in years, trying a new activity are just a few examples of first-time or special events that can really make you feel a little something extra on that day. I can even ride the high for a couple of days!
What happens when novel experiences cannot happen, though? During the coronavirus pandemic, my novel experiences have diminished significantly. There are only so many different teas to make and Netflix specials I can sit through before it all starts to feel the same. Life was feeling comparatively worse than when I was more socially active and got to meet face-to-face with people other than my immediate family on a regular basis. I know I’m not the only one going through this but that thought did not bring me much comfort.
Well, surely, if I was to hear everyone is cured and the world is “back to normal” tomorrow that would make me feel better, right??
For a while I thought so…but there’s no amount of time that the pandemic will last that can make me better. That brings me back to my point about placing my happiness in things happening outside of me.
In days of isolation and monotony, I’ve had to not only create moments of happiness but redefine the purpose of my existence. I say this not to be dramatic (I mean, it kind of is!) but because one cannot happen without the other. Naturally, if I seek to allow myself to say I am happy just because, then I am in control of my sense of happiness.
I am happy to be alive today. I am happy to be able to breathe. I am happy to open my eyes in the morning and begin another day.
A year ago, these words would have sounded so meaningless to me. In a materialistic society, like the one I live in, getting things (whether tangible or intangible) is happiness and success. That’s why I’ve had to take a step back and think of how I could make my happiness less dependent on circumstances or the ebbs and flows of life.
As I shed the work and projects that I was doing before that caused me stress, I feel more whole. It’s easier to find balance because I can spend my days the way I want. Of course, still within financial and circumstantial means but it has given me an appreciation for the simple things and a change in perspective that I was very much in need of.
There’s a book I once read for a college English class called Man’s Search for Meaning. Putting aside the sex segregated title, it is a magnificent book written by Viktor E. Frankl about his time at Nazi concentration camps. Frankl was a Jew, a psychotherapist, a father, and somewhat of an important person in his community. As he chronicles the experiences he has in the concentration camps, his pride, his family, his clothing, and everything that he ever thought that defined him were taken away. Basically, he was forced to redefine his meaning of life.
I am, of course, in much more privileged circumstances at the moment than Frankl was in the Nazi concentration camps, but that is why the book still holds lessons of value. It shows how, in the most dire of circumstances, we all have the choice of how we want to define ourselves, what we believe our purpose is, and what determines our happiness.
All this to say, I now see happiness as something I can allow myself.
I’ve been pushing aside feeling good for a while but each day is a gift. It’s a humbling thing to recognize how magical it is to simply exist right now on Earth. So anything else that happens is just extra stuff outside of me but it is not me. This may sound super hippie-dippie but it just feels true to me. If I had everything taken away from me like Viktor E. Frankl, which hopefully it doesn’t have to come to that but, you know, I would like to be able to remember who I am. Instead of being a girl with many selves and different versions of herself navigating the world, I’d like to be a soul that is whole and one with myself.
While I have a conscious understanding of the mindset shift I’m making for myself, that’s not to say it is easy or that I’m now in some blissed out state! I do believe life should have more ease (this is actually a value of mine) so when things feel forced, I know I am not in balance. At this point I’m not above getting upset about things that are outside of my control and I am sensitive to the way others act toward me or each other. So, it’s a practice to find ease. It’s a practice to not make these outside-of-myself-things mine and not internalizing beliefs of others. For my own sanity and happiness.
There are certainly other layers to this but those will have to wait until another day. I’ve just described one aspect in the giant puzzle of understanding myself and my own humanity. I’ve talked about my experience with people-pleasing and removing all of these things outside of myself to help me get closer to my core. I can’t say that the way I view happiness, or purpose, is for certain but I do know I feel more and more authentic to myself as the days go on.
If you’re open to sharing, I’d love to hear how you create happiness and what your definition of that is. Thank you for reading. Consider sharing this on social media, if you like it.
A year ago today I thought I was going to make a career out of being a Health Coach. That’s not really my game plan at the moment but I do still enjoy sharing strategies I’ve learned and picked up that can help others be more productive human beings.
Naturally, we all have goals for ourselves and sometimes there is a challenge between setting goals and actually taking them off the ground. I’m sharing all about how to create a sustainable system of change by breaking down the major influences that dictate the success of a goal.
There’s a couple of things to consider when setting a new goal for yourself and methods that make it easier to accomplish! Is this a goal you have for this week or a lifestyle change that you want to keep going for a couple of months or longer? Check out the tips in this video to set yourself up for success.
For more videos from me, subscribe to the YouTube channel here!
Sometimes I don’t have words to express how I feel about my existence. I feel like I’ve grown so much in my spirituality in the past two to three years but only now have I begun to dive into the way spirituality impacts me as a soul.
I know spirituality is non-denominational and it is such a general term that there really aren’t rules around what it’s supposed to look like. Of course, leave it to me to always create these ideas in my head about the way things should be.
I’ve shed my ties to material or people outside of myself as being my anchor to my spirituality. I still like my crystals and the new age podcasts that I listen to but I don’t look toward things outside of myself to solve my problems. In doing that, I’ve been able to unwrap what existence really means for me–what would be the most satisfying experience I could have as a human.
We are often told growing up that we need to find our purpose. Therefore, I thought it would be great to share how I’ve changed my views on purpose through the lens of my spirituality. You can check out the video here:
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