The very normal or common response I think a lot of us have to fear is to simply avoid that thing which we view as scary. I’ve been experimenting with facing my fears more lately and it’s taught me a thing or two that I hope may provide a different perspective for you. Fear isn’t just something to take a deep breath and jump head first into. It’s a little more complicated than that.
For some context, a lot of my personal fears come through when I share who I am with others. It’s scary to open up. It’s scary to share what’s on my heart. It’s scary to put myself out there. Yet, I crave that relational intimacy that comes from being open.
So, we can know what we want but, at the end of the day, the challenge is to move past the F E A R.
Where do these fears come from?
Before we try to overcome a fear, it helps to know where it originated. Fear doesn’t just come out of nowhere. It comes from learned patterns we’ve experienced or things we have been told repeatedly. Sometimes fears are very subtle and, as I said before, we can navigate life quite fine just avoiding those things. Other times, the fear seems to affect E V E R Y T H I N G.
When I fear sharing who I am with others, that could be a result of numerous times I opened up and was not understood, or the times I shared how I felt and was rejected.
In fact, we all can take our fears and use them to train ourselves to stop before even getting started. All we’d need to do is look at the past, focus on our mistakes or how things didn’t work out, and use that as an excuse to self-abandon now.
To dismiss your desires now.
To choose the overly safe path now.
To not be honest now.
To say that what we want now is not more important than our fear.
I used to ask my friends who were more inclined towards risk-taking how they do it–how do they move past fear? One thing I remember hearing was that it isn’t about risks not being scary to them, they just learned to grow thicker skin. Essentially, you want to do the thing so badly that you can’t get it out of your mind, so why not do it and embrace gratitude for the moment you decided to G O F O R I T?!?! No matter what the result may be! Doing that once lessens the fear, doing it twice makes it easier, and continuing makes you believe in yourself. Challenging yourself to confront your fear, even in small, bite-sized ways, builds your sense of confidence and trust in yourself.
The real question is: how do we let go of the fear?
We can want to overcome a fear but that isn’t enough to help us move through the actions required to face the fear. As I was recently shown by a dear friend, a lot of the ways we hold ourselves back has more to do with the kind of person we think we are. The scripts we keep reciting about who we are have us reinforcing consistency of our character and not allowing flexibility for us as a human.
An over-association with any one quality of our character can be enough to make us think we *have to* be a certain way. For me, I can let my own pride get in the way of being honest and open with others. I sit on my high horse and expect things from other people–for them to meet my needs–without me having to come down to ground level to actually engage in the natural way I know I would benefit from engaging.
It’s not always pride that keeps us stuck in our fear trap.
It can be our ego.
Shame.
Guilt.
Expectations.
Worries.
Holding onto the past.
Victimhood.
Trauma.
Perhaps a combination of these and perhaps something I did not name here. The thing is, these are all character traits that don’t need to define us. We may have lived with them for so long that we don’t know how to define ourselves without them. That is part of the work. These traits becoming limiting and get in the way of us being our true selves and give us excuses, justifications, and rationalizations for why we should stay safe and not face our fear.
I want you to remember–and this is a reminder for myself just as much as you–every time we choose to let fear run the show, we engage in self-abandonment.
When you practice moving from that place of feeling, from that place of trusting soul callings, from knowing nothing is a mistake and everything is just a lesson to clarify your path… you take inspired action. You move past the fear and you choose you. You choose to trust that the thing you want, no matter how much fear you may hold about it, is calling to you for a reason. It won’t stop calling. So, can you trust yourself to come head-to-head with fear for the chance to get the thing you want most?
Through the ups and downs of 2021, I recognize the biggest thing I’ve grappled with is giving myself permission to take up space. Today I share with you my reflections of the past year. These are the lessons I’ve learned, beliefs I’m integrating, and ideas I hope to carry with me (but perhaps may still need to be reminded of).
In keeping with the “Mel Makes It Happen” brand, I very much think of myself as being a go-getter. However I am so easily phased by setbacks or things not working out. Obstacles often make me take a step back, hermit (ala my 6/2 profile in Human Design) and think about the future that I want. Reflecting on my actions and the results can be productive but I recognize how much I was hibernating instead of making my dreams happen. I was waiting for something in my life to change instead of making my own moves.
My method for manifestation very much aligns with my Human Design type. I could write a whole post on what “waiting to respond” as a Manifesting Generator means to me but for now I’ll just say taking even a small action on anything can kickstart a lot.
So, enjoy reading about some things I’ve discovered, some things I’ve taken action on, and some ways I’ve been able to embrace myself more honestly this year.
// 2021 Reflections //
Leaning into my interests is the most powerful fuel I could ever ask for. It amps up my creativity, gives me something to look forward to, and helps me feel like I am progressing as I learn new information and skills and then apply them! Emphasis on apply!
When I was uninspired and each day felt like it was the same as the one before, I had to ask myself: what do I want to do and where am I spending my time now? I would fill my day with chores around the house, cooking or procrasti-baking (if you know, you know), or letting random emails derail me into a clickfest and Google search frenzy. We won’t even talk about the distraction that social media can be. After I had a clean picture of what my daily habits and tasks were, I slowly worked on penciling in pockets of time to do something pleasurable. I “made the time” as the phrase goes.
A big part of making time for my interests involved setting boundaries. I love just doing my thing and not having to inform anyone else about my personal doings but sometimes it helps to fill others in. One I have to reinforce every so often is: my mornings are for me—please don’t call me or disturb me at that time. A big boundary I had to set was around cooking for my family. I used to frequently make dinner for them but as I tried to make time for my own interests, it was taking too much time and energy from me and I had none left for the things that mattered to me.
Honestly, re-shaping my belief about what I am deserving of is also a huge thing I had to do this year. I come from Baby Boomer parents who had nothing handed to them and had to work for all they had. I have a father who says “sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to do” and a mom who never rests and constantly plays the martyr. Some important teachers in my life have shown me that life should not be joyless. That may not be a concept older generations grasp easily but I do not believe in a joyless life. I am not here to live a joyless life. Thus, it is important for me to prioritize the habits and activities and whatever else helps me feel like and be the best me.
I’ve had to trust the feeling and not what sounds good on paper. Bless my parents and friends who just want me to get a stable job and a reliable income and save up money. They’re heard me talk about what I want, a desire to live someplace else, cravings for more, and dreams I’d like to make real. They always bring it down to money, though, as if this is the key to a happy life. The times I’ve worked jobs just for the money, I’ve either exhausted myself so much that I feel uninspired or simply have little energy to do what I want to do when I have the time. It doesn’t make sense to work so hard for money and not feel like it’s making my life better. What does feel like it’s making my life better is setting my own routine, being able to stretch and walk around, take a lunch break when I want to, and being able to spend time on my art.
Right now, I am not employed in the traditional sense of the word. I don’t work a job where I clock in and clock out. I haven’t wanted that for a long time and I think it’s been a shadow-y piece of my psyche for a while, something I’ve been afraid to admit. I don’t want a traditional job! *Imagine me screaming this from the rooftops* I’ve been afraid to tell others because they’ll think “Okay, if not a traditional job, what then?” and I don’t have an answer for them. I don’t really know what my work life is going to consist of because I’m still creating it today. It isn’t as simple as a title of this or that because I wear many hats to feed my diverse interests.
To embrace an unconventional path has also meant learning that not everyone is going to understand me. I try so hard to make others understand me by going out of my way to research and explain things that I don’t personally feel necessary. I don’t have all the answers (I likely have very few, if that) but I do have a trust that the right opportunities come through for me when I decide I’m worth investing in. Perhaps this is the freshest reflection on this list, as I am just beginning to embrace this. It feels so good to my Leo moon to be seen and understood but not everyone is going to see what I see and I have to be okay with that. I may wait forever—as I felt like I was, months ago—if I am waiting for someone to validate my interests, my ideas, and my existence, truthfully.
Of a similar thread, I can’t let the fear of not being liked keep me from being myself. I’ve always tended to people-please, preferring not to rock the boat, because I thought this was the key to friendship and love. With Uranus transiting over my ascendant this year, this has felt like added encouragement to stop worrying about what others think of me. It’s a huge worry! Yet, the person I’ve been cultivating within is asking to come out more and more and it is a disservice to that person to stay small. I realize that there’s a lot of people who don’t like me and I’ve gone out of my way to try to appease them. I can’t create world peace but I can be transparent and put my most authentic foot forward and hope that the people who are for me will stick around and anyone not interested will just move along.
With that concluding my 2021 Reflections, I’ll leave you with a few things I am hoping to carry with me or do more of in 2022:
I want to practice being my own validation. Give myself permission to take up more space, talk about my interests, and do the things I want to do without waiting for some exterior force to first tell me that what I’m thinking/feeling is valid.
I want to have the courage to try, to ask for help, and seek accountability when needed. In 2021 I worked with a coach/therapist, dove into ceramics classes at a local studio, and started taking singing lessons. I also worked with a business coach that was a little beyond me and signed up for business classes that didn’t align. You win some, you lose some, but either way you learn. I want to keep being unafraid to try.
Surround myself with people I can vibe with. Friendships have always been a challenge for me (Saturn in the 11th house) but I feel like stepping into my passions helps give me confidence in who I am, thus, allowing friendships with like-minded folks more natural.
Grow my business—whatever that might be. Right now, I’m loving doing art and am open to seeing where that goes. That may mean doing art events, commissions, selling prints online, murals(!!), or who knows! As well, I love using Astrology and Human Design to understand myself and the world and I hope to share these tools with people more in 2022. As someone who has struggled to feel worthy and deserving for much of my life, I seek to help others overcome that habit of playing small and I know that will carry through in whatever business endeavors I pursue.
Follow my strategy and authority. This is Human Design speak for trusting myself and taking steps! All steps lead somewhere so be unafraid to take steps even if I don’t know where I’ll end up. The picture will clarify along the way.
Keep pursuing joy. What excites me, fuels me, and makes me happy is the path I want to be on and the right path for me.
I think that sums up some of my most valued takeaways from this year. It’s hard to make sense of what was happening as I was in the thick of it but I feel like I have more clarity now looking back. I hope you’ve enjoyed reading my 2021 Reflections! Feel free to share this post with a friend or leave a comment letting me know any reflections of yours.
Hello bloggy blog! It feels like eons since I’ve shared a post here. I’ve been moving through different phases, attempting to do things I thought I should do, and learning that change doesn’t have to mean doing things I don’t want to do. I’ve felt like less of a jumbled mess but I think I’ve still been misdirecting myself more than I’d like. I kept running into the same roadblocks, the same hurdles, and feeling stuck. For me, these have been signs (that I kept bypassing) indicating I wasn’t in alignment. 🚫
Alignment, I feel, comes from doing what feels good to me in a way that uses my skills, talents, and abilities properly. It includes feeling supportive and seen but not forcing anything to happen. In this space, things just F L O W. 🌊This feeling is essentially what I’ve been in search of for so long, but recent months showed me that I was not living in a way that was conducive to this spirit of purpose, ease, and flow that I craved.
Let me fill you in on where I’ve been the past few months….🧐
I’ve been trying to grow my social media presence and I spent a period of time posting everyday even though I don’t always feel inspired to. It also takes a BIG chunk of my time on the daily to compose Instagram reels (which are primarily what I was posting). Just to break it down: I have to prep, film, edit, compose a caption, and then strategically post it at the right time for the algorithm, plus seek out accounts to engage with, and prepare to do that all over again. So, I was totally plowing through my energy reserves and practically making Instagram a full-time job…except it was a job that paid me nothing.🤪
What’s more important for me to note is how I was completely bypassing how I felt when the signs of unhappiness were there. 🤦
I lost the creative joy I used to feel from creating Instagram posts. I was making content based on what I thought would hit, and not content that I actually wanted to make.
I was letting myself feel pressured from others to PROVE MYSELF—to prove that I am enough.
I was following tons of business and marketing accounts and taking in an excessive amount of other people’s advice, while suppressing my exhaustion with the whole process.
I was forcing myself to be on social media A LOT and chat/message/comment/engage when my naturally introverted self has a pretty low bandwidth for socializing.🥴
I felt like I was trying to push products/ my services to prove myself.
I felt like I wasn’t being seen by others for my knowledge, skills, and talents, and to combat this…I kept creating more offerings, making more posts, and doing more in an effort to get ahead.
Whew! I’m exhausted just from writing that list—but not as exhausted as I was when experiencing that practically every day for around 2 months. So when you mix it all together, what do you get? A recipe for burnout.😩
We live in a society that values productivity and practically mandates people work, in the paid sense of the word. Work is literally anything you spend your time on! If we were to look at work through this perspective, then it neutralizes it. ➡️ Work doesn’t have to be hard, laborious, stressful, involve long hours, be for someone else, or even involve pay. #ThingsINeededToBeRemindedOf The work I think we should value more is that which makes us EXCITED or brings us SATISFACTION with how we are using our energy. 🍧
I’d like to take the concept of work a step further and say it’s worthwhile work to spend time with yourself. No one taught me this but it’s something I’ve learned to be true over and over again. Therefore, excessively doing in recent months led me to craving and taking a big break (from Instagram, my podcast, and my business) to come back to me. As a creative individual, I really think spending time with myself not only recharges my battery but gives me the space to notice my own good ideas. 🎨 If you’re always around other people or doing things you don’t enjoy, that tends to silence your own inner voice. Who are you if you aren’t in touch with yourself?
Considering self-connection is an area that I have felt lost with multiple times in my life, I can offer some solid advice, from personal experience, on how to come back home to yourself.
1. CREATE SPACE🐚
It can be hard to recognize what’s not working for you when you’re IN the thick of it. In this case, you need to put some distance between you and the thing (or person).🕶️ Separation creates space. For some, this newfound space may be all they needed—i.e. It wipes an unnecessary task or two off your plate. For others, having space in their life allows them an opportunity to get some perspective—perspective that can even help them change directions. However, let’s not get ahead of things quite yet!
2. WORK ON THE BASICS
What do you fill your time with when you’re in this place of more space than ever before? 🍹 If you’re hyper-conditioned by society (hello, you’re human) or really desperate for direction, you may be tempted to launch into anything! I will caution you to take a step back and breathe. When you’ve been in the work, work, work or do, do, do mode for so long, it’s hard to be still with yourself.
When I create space in my life, I tend to cut ties with extraneous responsibilities and just focus on the absolute bare minimum. I’m not saying you have to do the absolute bare minimum but I find this helps me rest and find my footing again. 🧘♀️ Bare minimum also doesn’t mean stare at a wall all day. For fun activities: I lean into meditation, no-pressure creative projects (i.e. something you’re doing just for you), and spending time with my family and pets. These are simple things that make me feel like ME.
3. ACKNOWLEDGE THE PHASE🌻
I believe we go through cycles and sometimes we’re in a phase of the cycle that calls for doing more or doing less; sometimes it calls for planning or reassessing. Regardless of the point in the cycle we are in, we know that it will circle around, as cycles do. We struggle and overcome, and then struggle again and overcome again. That is life—filled with learning and growing. 🎱
The best thing I have found, as I luxuriate in this space, is to not put pressure on myself to hurry up and “fix” myself. I’m not spending time on rest or joyful hobbies to simply recharge and throw myself back into stuff that I hate. No. I’m spending time on these things because I deserve it and it makes me feel good. If you spend time on yourself with *rushed energy* or the energy of “I’m not deserving of taking time for myself”, then that cuts you off from yourself and all of the beautiful things in life meant for you.
I’ll leave you with a quote from one of my favorite people. Mark Groves, on the Mark Groves Podcast, says:
If you don’t take care of yourself, it’s always going to feel selfish.
Do you believe that some problems have no solution? That situations, once they occur, are practically set in stone? Or that you can change the unchangeable in even the most unlikely situations?
I’ve shared before about various physical pain and discomfort that I’ve been dealing with (for a couple of years now). As a quick recap, it started out as TMJ-related jaw and neck pain but the pain has taken on so many varying forms. At the moment I deal with a feeling of tightness throughout my whole body and sharp pains down my back, arms, and hands. It’s a complex situation (and even harder for someone not experiencing the discomfort to wrap their heads around) but you can go read my posts on chiropractic care, and acupuncture treatmentfor some more details about what’s gone on with me physically.
I’m extremely versed in natural remedies, nutrition, holistic methods and the like–yet, these things haven’t quite helped take away my symptoms. At this point my pain isn’t something that I wonder: will it pop up today? It’s something I’ve already created adjustments for to help me manage this chronic issue. I’m not really looking for suggestions but what I do want to say is that all of us likely have areas where we feel like we’re getting by or maintaining something and it doesn’t feel great.
Do you have an area in your life that seems too big or too complex to change?
The optimist in me wants to tout that everything can be improved, however, the way things can improve is going to look different for everyone.
Sometimes change can look exactly like what we have in mind but, other times, we make things better by making other areas of our life better.
For example, I don’t think I’d be in the place I’m in right now, physically, if I decided my pain was too much and didn’t stretch or keep up with exercise. I think those things have helped me feel better! Neither one solved the problem of my physical pain but they sure do make it feel like less of a problem.
So how do we change the unchangeable?
The short answer is: we can’t always.
The long answer is: there are times when we can and times when we can’t.
I’m a big proponent of going after what you want! I lay out how to make the choice to change in this post here, but various factors play into simply having the ability to change. Maybe the thing we want to change is reliant on some other experiences we need to have first so that we can acquire information or gain skills to shift toward the new situation we want efficiently. The downside here is that time is unknown. You can’t put time demands on when you want to “be ready” or have something come to you.
Think of when you last had a heartbreak or split up from a partner. Everyone says, “time heals all wounds” but for a long time you’re probably just sad. That’s because you can’t decide you’ll feel better in 5 days, 5 weeks, or 5 months because the number isn’t what’s important. What’s important is the experiences you’re having while healing from the heartbreak. How are you taking care of yourself? Are you nourishing other parts of your life? Do you invest in relationships with those around you? Are you building upon your interests and skills? There’s no telling what can happen during the “time” post-fact but eventually it will lead you to a place where things hurt less and then not at all.
On the other side of the coin, and I really hate to say this but, there is the possibility that things won’t change. As in: the specific thing you want won’t change. For example, I know some people have a chronic illness that cannot be reversed. There are treatments, therapies, and lifestyle changes they can make that may help them but nothing will take away this chronic illness once they have it. I never want to tell someone to give up. I don’t believe in that. Yet, it can become dangerously addictive to keep seeking alternatives where there are none. So, at this point you can keep fighting the reality or look to other parts of your life where you can make a change.
Sometimes we can’t change what has happened to us but we always change the situations we expose ourselves to and the way we treat ourselves.
Again, this can look different for everyone. For some people, popping on a movie in the evening helps them forget the stressors of the day at a job they don’t feel they can leave. A friend of mine was working from home and suffering to maintain a schedule, so he requested to work directly at his office and that made a big difference!
Why do we have vacations? Those are also opportunities to take a break from what we’ve been doing and allow rest and rejuvenation. We can essentially seek to incorporate mini vacations, or pockets of pleasure as I like to call them, throughout our day and week.
It isn’t always about changing the thing directly. We can’t always quit the job, move to the place, get rid of x, y, z situation. Whether it be because we aren’t emotionally/mentally/physically/financially ready or because we are still on the journey and haven’t yet discovered the solution(s) yet, these are all valid spaces to be in.
Navigating when you can’t change that specific thing you want
I’ve learned to offer myself compassion more often now than ever before. Limitations, I used to think, were only self-imposed. I didn’t like hearing people blame this or that for their unhappy lives. While I still think you should do what you can to improve your situation, I have more understanding that it isn’t always so quick and easy, or even an option.
That’s okay, too.
We can assess what’s possible, what’s within our means right now, and if the options don’t feel right, then perhaps we set aside plans and concentrate on other areas of our lives for the time being. It’s up to us to choose wisely, while considering where we are, but there is certainly room for both.
Just take care of yourself as best you can, with the tools and knowledge you have now.
As one year ends and another one slides open, I want to part ways on a note of appreciation. So even as my mind can’t help but think of where else I could be, I’d like to share my 202 Reflections with you all. Don’t get me wrong: I’m not wishing for another life or feeling regrets about the one I have lived thus far. I simply feel the start of the New Year aligning with the start of a new beginning for me, as well. I hate to find parallels with the cliché of the whole new year, new me mantra, but it’s not all that far off. I feel like Melanie 2.0!
It feels like I have done so much in this past year alone, but a lot of what happened this year was connected to healing parts of myself from younger years. I’ve done everything from restarting hobbies to unpacking beliefs to trying to simply make things feel safe again. I have met myself at the brink of hell and discovered peace. That’s not to say that I have evolved into a unique state of emotional neutrality where I don’t feel things at all. On the contrary, I have faced some dark and uncomfortable parts of myself and gave myself grace and love so that I could work through it. Over and over, and over again.
So when I say that I’ve dealt with my personal hell and discovered peace, it just means that I have fallen flat on my face enough times that I know I can pick myself back up again–and that’s a pretty cool feeling.
At the end of the day all you really have is you, after all.
You’ve got to love yourself more than anything because you can’t just wait around for someone else to say they love you. You’ve got to want to be better for yourself because that’s the only way you can change your circumstances. You’ve got to be your own advocate because no one else is living this life for you. When you start doing that inside work of putting yourself first, especially after a long time of silencing your heart, that’s when you’ll see the outside world begins to change, too.
If 2020 was about realizing how I no longer needed to keep myself small, what’s next, I can only imagine, is more growth, more expansion, and more freedom.
It is with that mindset that I want to go into 2021. I want to have my tools in place and myself in check, and my game face on!
Moving beyond the “old wiring”
To clarify on what I said at the beginning about how I can’t help but think of where else I could be, it’s like there’s this little voice in the back of my mind that says, “You’ve wasted time and there’s no point in trying anymore”. It is fear talking. It is old wiring and circuitry in my brain that is trying to make a comeback as it senses I’m about to change. Our minds and bodies aren’t programmed to like change (it’s often uncomfortable!) but we can reprogram how we think. That essentially comes down to questioning beliefs and re-learning behaviors which is what I teach in Self-Worth Coaching.
And hey, if this all sounds new and foreign to you, then that’s okay. Maybe this will be something you can explore this year! If not, that’s cool too. We are all at a different place in our unique paths of life and each of those places is right where we are meant to be for now.
I am also at a place where I can recognize when fear speaks to me and I can speak back louder.
I can say: yes, it is true that I have spent a lot of time exploring my interests and diving down rabbit holes that led nowhere, but did they really lead nowhere if I am now here? The fear wants to say that I should have my life together and I should be stable or have my career, relationships, passions, health, or insert whatever thing here figured out.
I share this not because I want to dwell on things that I’ve done in the past that no longer have a place in my life, but because I know that we have all done that at some point or another. It’s called living. It’s called being a human: to try things, make mistakes, and grow.
So I have made the most of the moments I’ve had these past 365 days. Many times taking two steps forward and three steps back; yet persisting anyway. I don’t think I’ve had a particularly interesting year if you are looking for tangible or material markers of success, such as attending big events or buying luxury items. However I don’t rate the success of my life based only on tangible things–especially when so much of what has been beautiful this year is intangible.
It’s hard to put into words everything that I have felt this year, but you can certainly read some of my previous blog posts to get some insight on that, like:
I said “I love you” for the first time in a long time
I came up with a recipe for carob chocolate
I created my own practice for connecting with my highest self
I set my own definitions of spirituality
I was on a podcast besides my own
I danced for fun
I prioritized daily stretching exercises
I found some helpful TMJ healing tools
I rediscovered my favorite crystal
I stopped apologizing when I didn’t mean it
And so much more….
Appreciation
Need I go on? I truly could go on. I don’t feel that this list even puts a dent in all that I have experienced. So, as you read my 2020 reflections and think of your year, I hope you can also think about the little ways that you’ve learned and grown. I guarantee you, your list is probably a lot more exciting than mine but you’ve got to be the one to have gratitude for what’s happened: the good and the bad and everything in between.
Have gratitude not because you liked going through bad, tough, or uncomfortable times (who does?) but because you had an experience! It’s the little things that make up the big things and when we give thanks for even the littlest things, it makes it that much more special when we take note of the bigger things.
2021 Intentions
I could write a whole post on my 2021 intentions. I might still do that but I will share one intention here, as this is a post welcoming in 2021! There has been much growth within me and I just want to see more of that in the next year. There were times this past summer where I just really wanted to be me in 5 years or me in 20 years. I wanted to be further along than I am now. I wanted to jump ahead to that place where I had life more figured out.
I don’t want to ignore the present moment though because this is where the future begins. The future is created in the now. It might be a bit of a paradox to say that I want to see growth in myself because naturally I am going to keep growing, but I also want to keep taking up space. I’ve put in distinct efforts to break out of the boxes I had placed myself in and felt so comfortable with this year. I don’t need to do that anymore.
So here’s to looking forward to a year of more growth and continuing to take up space as my authentic self.
I tend to go really hard on things. I don’t know if this is a ME thing, a being-in-your-20s thing, a Manifesting Generator (#humandesign) thing, or maybe it’s just a human thing.
If I’m interested in something, there’s no easing in and I just want to dedicate ALL of my energy to this thing. I’m not sure if I’m interested just for the moment, perhaps because there’s something I’m meant to learn or explore, or if this will become a long-term investment for me.
Setting aside the bogus rules, naysayers, and societally-imposed stigmas about jumping around in interests, there really is no problem with being this way.
I often say something is only a problem when you think it is.
That in and of itself takes a lot of figuring out (which is a conversation for a whole ‘nother day) but to put it simply: we have full autonomy.
Someone else can attempt to force their beliefs on you, but only you can internalize them. Others can live their life a certain way, but you don’t have to follow along. Just because you haven’t seen what you imagine in existence, or having been done before, that doesn’t make it impossible.
So, it’s taken me years of bashing myself for not being able to stick with one thing and coming to a place of acceptance with my wide array of interests, and then floundering again. Yet, I feel more solid now after having gone through enough experiences with myself where I’ve seen how I am and I began to understand my patterns.
I have waves of energy that encourage me to learn, build, meditate, take action, and so much more. I’m not meant to stay in one stage processing information or only doing. Just like the cycles of nature, remaining in one stage is simply not sustainable.
It feels sort of like that for my interests. Sometimes I want to revisit one and other times I want to move on to something new.
There are some interests I pursue personally and spend a lot of time with only to one day feel like I’ve had enough. When I say I tend to go hard with something that means, I pick up a book today on crystals and suddenly I’ll get the itch to learn more and tomorrow think about becoming a crystal healer, or something like that. This is the way my brain works.
And you might be thinking: well, it’s not a bad thing to get excited about something! We all get these little phases of being interested in things. This is true.
What I’ve learned to be careful with is not trying to turn my interest into a career.
As in: enjoy the stage of being interested in something and not jump ahead by trying to monetize it or make it MY THING before I understand how invested I am in my current interest.
Let me describe this in another way.
I low-key have thought about becoming a registered dietitian, opening a jewelry business, studying reiki, teaching meditation, becoming a monk, getting vocal lessons to become a singer, going into modeling, and so much more! These are all things you probably had no idea about because they never made it to the surface. If I had been interested in making necklaces or whatever just a little bit longer, I probably would’ve talked about it.
This isn’t to say you can’t turn an interest into a career because you certainly can! You can do whatever you want. I kind of like to let things brew underneath the surface for a while to make sure that I’m really into something before making declarations to the world, but that’s just me. At the same time, I’ve made the big declarations after much contemplation before and that didn’t keep me from changing my path.
All of this to say, maybe this is the way it is.
Ooh, so wise, right?
This is the way it is meaning… I am full of passion and a growing list of interests and I get something out of everything that I pursue. I feel that the excitement I have over these different pursuits generates this super glowing energy in me that makes others feel excited, too.
Now, I can’t control what others think or do but I’ve been told by others that they felt more confident to share something they’re into after seeing me do that (whoa!!!). This isn’t so much of a reason as for why I behave the way I do so much as it is just a possible consequence of me being myself.
I believe that when we are being ourselves, as wild, cooky, nonsensical, or ridiculous as we may feel, it encourages others to be themselves, too.
So, there isn’t any ONE PATH for me (as I’ve repeated to myself over and over again) but I feel excited each time I come home to this feeling I have right now as I write this.
It’s a feeling of being everything.
Of knowing:
I am everything.
We are everything.
There is no limit.
No limit to our power.
No limit to our voice.
No limit to our spirit.
I’ve been peacefully disconnecting with things that I’ve held tightly for so long and it’s made room for me to find that new, NEW.
This is a really miraculous and slightly cliff-hangery type of moment because I’m figuring stuff out. At the same time, I’m not asking myself: what am I going to do next? because I’ve been here before.
I’ve been in this place, and I trust that exploring what feels true to my heart will bring me everything I’ve dreamed of and even more that I never knew I wanted.
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