I’m 26! It seems to me that 26 doesn’t have as quite a ring to it as 21 or even 25 but it’s a special day nonetheless. I’m taking this as a moment to reflect on myself and catalog the fact that I’ve really been through a lot (relatively speaking) in the past year.
If I look back at my life a year ago, some things are the same.
I was going to acupuncture and getting cupping and needles put into my body to help with my chronic pain. Today I still deal with pain but I am healing (more on that soon). A year ago, I felt pressured to figure out what I could do for work—since that’s what we grow up believing we need to shape our lives around, right? Today I think less about how I will fit into a workspace that exists and instead realize I’m meant to create that for myself. A year ago, I was still living in the place that I grew up in and wishing I could pick up and move. Today that’s still the case but I can also admire how it doesn’t take being someplace new to become someone new.
It is now my 26th year of life and much seems the same on the surface but so much has happened within me that pure words alone will prove challenging to illustrate. I will try my best, though. I have transformed, evolved, shed my skin, built walls, and taken those walls down. Nothing has happened yet everything has happened. Everything that has happened is more than I can describe right now in this post today but I can still tell you something….
I’ve had the most transformative year—a transformative last 2 years, if I’m being fair.
The feeling of sameness has plagued me for a long time. When I was younger I remember going to school, the monotony of classes, the dullness of summers, and everything was just the same, year after year. I was longing for something to take me to another state or for my mom to let me dye my hair, or something, anything big to happen. Little did I know that whatever big thing I wanted wasn’t going to solve the way I felt on the inside. What was causing me so much distress had more to do with what was happening on the inside. In my body and in my self—my identity.
What I was feeling had to do with the small little actions that happen everyday that dictate the person I am today.
Now, those little actions are so outstanding and miraculous. I can look back and see how the things I was struggling with inside of me changed just by taking the smallest of actions. By showing up for myself. For trying when no one around me could see my vision. For knowing when to give up when everyone else seems to be going forward. For seeking out education when I thought there was nothing left to learn. For holding onto hope when I thought my case was hopeless. The insecurities that I had, while they might still be here today, are so much smaller.
Yeah you could say it’s because we grow and, naturally, as you come into yourself, things get better. But I don’t believe things just get better without any effort, without trying.
I know I have put in so much self-work. It’s not without really branching out of myself that I’ve been able to reach out to people in all sorts of different places and from different backgrounds and ask them to be on my podcast. It’s not without trying that I have recreated habits that I have for myself that were keeping me in disordered eating patterns and fought to overcome them. And it’s not without lots of research, sleepless nights, crying, and questioning my motives and desires and beliefs that I’ve been able to feel more like myself than I ever have before.
There was a lot of gunk to get through when I started digging around in the depths of my subconscious. Sifting through many years of trauma. I learned how much I’ve been soaking in my parents and family’s beliefs, society’s rules, and people’s ideas and projections about who they wanted me to be, and I have finally arrived here today. I don’t feel like the most evolved version of Melanie Moreno; yet, I do feel more capable than I ever have before. I used to have no confidence in myself to pursue the things that interested me. I wanted so desperately for someone else to show me what was safe, tell me what’s valuable, do something for me…because, that way, I couldn’t screw it up. I was so unsure of myself.
The insecurities that I had, while they might still be here today, are so much smaller.
No one ever told me it was okay to make mistakes. No one ever said it was okay for me to try out different things and see if I like them. It was always:
Make the most of the time you’re spending and commit FULLY to get the best results.
Don’t be one of those girls who just jumps around from person to person (or thing to thing).
What’s going on with you is your business and you shouldn’t be telling anyone else that.
All you need is to go to school and then college and get a decent job that’s going to pay you well, has reasonable benefits, and is enough to support you and your family (assuming I want one).
These were ideas I was always taught and surrounded by growing up. I took them in as if they were an undebatable truth but these ideas are not MY TRUTH.
This all implies I have no soul.
All of this was said to me as if I am just a thing. A cog in the machine meant to work within the system that has already existed–the world’s system that governs us, whether we know it or not–but it doesn’t take into account gifts that I have. That each individual has. I am so much more a work horse. “Why can’t other people let you just be who you want to be?” was a thought I had often about myself. I thought it was other people’s fault, the system’s fault, society’s fault that I’m stuck.
To what benefit are you to the governing powers when you can feel and create from your own mind? You are a threat to society, to tradition, if you can think and feel and create.There isn’t room for your unique abilities in this antiquated, straight, one dimensional path created by us–a few select men–who could no way know you. Who could no way could understand nor represent the varying and limitless qualities all human beings existing on this Earth at this time. Or even into the future.
Evolution isn’t just for monkeys and plants, humans are constantly evolving. And we aren’t just what the scientific journals and old textbooks will have you think we are. There is no limit to what we can do and, with each generation that wakes up, that chooses to live authentically, and that tries to be better for themselves and for their community, they help create more awakened and WHOLE human beings.
Humans who do not want to look outside themselves for answers. Humans who do not want to sit indoors with artificial lighting all day long while LIFE continues happening outside. Humans who do not want to live ONE way. Humans who are accepting of individuality and the beauty that comes with that.
So it is with all of this in mind that I look back on the past year and I just have appreciation for myself. For my younger self who really didn’t have a plan or clue what to do. All she had were a few vague ideas of what appealed to her and she went after them. Even though it didn’t make sense and she doubted whether anyone even cared. A lot of it still doesn’t make sense and a lot of people probably don’t care.
There is no limit to what we can do and, with each generation that wakes up, that chooses to live authentically, and that tries to be better for themselves and for their community, they help create more awakened and WHOLE human beings.
What matters is to be a human being, to be alive, to have a mind, a heart, and a soul. That means you are something. Means that you have substance. You have a purpose. Not the kind of purpose that the world would like to make you think you need to have–one that is inflicted upon you–but an internal source of purpose. To be you. And that’s what this year has been. A year of being me, or trying to see what that could be like. A little more, and a little more, and a little more.
Thanks for sticking with me through all of the changes and growth.
XOXO,
Melanie
P.S. somehow I skipped out on sharing a birthday post last year but, if you’d like to read my blog post from two years ago when I turned 24 (woo!), check it out here: Birthday Reflections 2018
I hope this summer has found you well. I hope you have opened up to discovering the possibilities present. I hope you’ve opened up to ways that you can be a creator of whatever it is you want. If none of that resonates, I simply hope you have been happy.
That’s what I’ve been trying to find, trying to be.
I’ve never been the kind of person who uses the word happy as a state-of-being. Partially because I’m naturally a little manic and fluctuate between feeling over the moon excited, pit of despair depressed, and the most common feeling: nothing. There’s a lot of nothing, dull, boring types of moments in my life. Happy seems elevated beyond ordinary in a way I’ve never felt I could meet.
You know those scales with smiley faces at the hospital that say “rate your pain”? There are usually 10 levels, with 1 being the least and 10 being the worst pain. Somehow, I invented my own scale for my state-of-being with 10 being happy. So if 10 is the best, can you really feel like a 10 all the time? No. Or, at least I don’t think so.
Basically I’ve withheld my feelings of being a 10 and being happy for a while.
You might be thinking: why would you do such a thing? It sounds like you’re making life harder on yourself.
Damn right, I am. Primarily, this is because being a ball of stress and anxiety has been my resting state. That is the way I’ve felt for months and that comes from me forcing myself to do a lot of activities and be in situations that I were just not working for me. I was working in a job I hated, which younger me promised this would never happen again, but here I was. Then, even the enjoyable things I did in addition were filled with a rushed and strained energy. Having majority of my days spent on things I hated made me put a lot of pressure on the things I liked to fulfill my every need. Everything was out of balance.
Another factor to not feeling like a 10 has more to do with long-term planning. I might feel good one day but what if I happen to feel even better on a future day? Saving my 10s, essentially. If I rate my happiness today as a 10 then can that future happiness be a 10? As a human being, or maybe simply as me, novelty of experiences impacts the way I feel. I have largely formulated ratings for how I feel based on the experiences I’m having. If novel experiences are rarely repeatable then perhaps my happiness cannot be either. It’s worth noting that I’m not purposefully doing any of this.
Through lots of self-reflection, I’ve realized I have been withholding feeling happy because it’s something I can control.
Just to unpack this a little more, it’s not a bad thing to be influenced by experiences as a marker for how you feel. Things like: taking a trip, meeting up for lunch at a new restaurant, talking to a friend you haven’t spoken to in years, trying a new activity are just a few examples of first-time or special events that can really make you feel a little something extra on that day. I can even ride the high for a couple of days!
What happens when novel experiences cannot happen, though? During the coronavirus pandemic, my novel experiences have diminished significantly. There are only so many different teas to make and Netflix specials I can sit through before it all starts to feel the same. Life was feeling comparatively worse than when I was more socially active and got to meet face-to-face with people other than my immediate family on a regular basis. I know I’m not the only one going through this but that thought did not bring me much comfort.
Well, surely, if I was to hear everyone is cured and the world is “back to normal” tomorrow that would make me feel better, right??
For a while I thought so…but there’s no amount of time that the pandemic will last that can make me better. That brings me back to my point about placing my happiness in things happening outside of me.
In days of isolation and monotony, I’ve had to not only create moments of happiness but redefine the purpose of my existence. I say this not to be dramatic (I mean, it kind of is!) but because one cannot happen without the other. Naturally, if I seek to allow myself to say I am happy just because, then I am in control of my sense of happiness.
I am happy to be alive today. I am happy to be able to breathe. I am happy to open my eyes in the morning and begin another day.
A year ago, these words would have sounded so meaningless to me. In a materialistic society, like the one I live in, getting things (whether tangible or intangible) is happiness and success. That’s why I’ve had to take a step back and think of how I could make my happiness less dependent on circumstances or the ebbs and flows of life.
As I shed the work and projects that I was doing before that caused me stress, I feel more whole. It’s easier to find balance because I can spend my days the way I want. Of course, still within financial and circumstantial means but it has given me an appreciation for the simple things and a change in perspective that I was very much in need of.
There’s a book I once read for a college English class called Man’s Search for Meaning. Putting aside the sex segregated title, it is a magnificent book written by Viktor E. Frankl about his time at Nazi concentration camps. Frankl was a Jew, a psychotherapist, a father, and somewhat of an important person in his community. As he chronicles the experiences he has in the concentration camps, his pride, his family, his clothing, and everything that he ever thought that defined him were taken away. Basically, he was forced to redefine his meaning of life.
I am, of course, in much more privileged circumstances at the moment than Frankl was in the Nazi concentration camps, but that is why the book still holds lessons of value. It shows how, in the most dire of circumstances, we all have the choice of how we want to define ourselves, what we believe our purpose is, and what determines our happiness.
All this to say, I now see happiness as something I can allow myself.
I’ve been pushing aside feeling good for a while but each day is a gift. It’s a humbling thing to recognize how magical it is to simply exist right now on Earth. So anything else that happens is just extra stuff outside of me but it is not me. This may sound super hippie-dippie but it just feels true to me. If I had everything taken away from me like Viktor E. Frankl, which hopefully it doesn’t have to come to that but, you know, I would like to be able to remember who I am. Instead of being a girl with many selves and different versions of herself navigating the world, I’d like to be a soul that is whole and one with myself.
While I have a conscious understanding of the mindset shift I’m making for myself, that’s not to say it is easy or that I’m now in some blissed out state! I do believe life should have more ease (this is actually a value of mine) so when things feel forced, I know I am not in balance. At this point I’m not above getting upset about things that are outside of my control and I am sensitive to the way others act toward me or each other. So, it’s a practice to find ease. It’s a practice to not make these outside-of-myself-things mine and not internalizing beliefs of others. For my own sanity and happiness.
There are certainly other layers to this but those will have to wait until another day. I’ve just described one aspect in the giant puzzle of understanding myself and my own humanity. I’ve talked about my experience with people-pleasing and removing all of these things outside of myself to help me get closer to my core. I can’t say that the way I view happiness, or purpose, is for certain but I do know I feel more and more authentic to myself as the days go on.
If you’re open to sharing, I’d love to hear how you create happiness and what your definition of that is. Thank you for reading. Consider sharing this on social media, if you like it.
A year ago today I thought I was going to make a career out of being a Health Coach. That’s not really my game plan at the moment but I do still enjoy sharing strategies I’ve learned and picked up that can help others be more productive human beings.
Naturally, we all have goals for ourselves and sometimes there is a challenge between setting goals and actually taking them off the ground. I’m sharing all about how to create a sustainable system of change by breaking down the major influences that dictate the success of a goal.
There’s a couple of things to consider when setting a new goal for yourself and methods that make it easier to accomplish! Is this a goal you have for this week or a lifestyle change that you want to keep going for a couple of months or longer? Check out the tips in this video to set yourself up for success.
For more videos from me, subscribe to the YouTube channel here!
Sometimes I don’t have words to express how I feel about my existence. I feel like I’ve grown so much in my spirituality in the past two to three years but only now have I begun to dive into the way spirituality impacts me as a soul.
I know spirituality is non-denominational and it is such a general term that there really aren’t rules around what it’s supposed to look like. Of course, leave it to me to always create these ideas in my head about the way things should be.
I’ve shed my ties to material or people outside of myself as being my anchor to my spirituality. I still like my crystals and the new age podcasts that I listen to but I don’t look toward things outside of myself to solve my problems. In doing that, I’ve been able to unwrap what existence really means for me–what would be the most satisfying experience I could have as a human.
We are often told growing up that we need to find our purpose. Therefore, I thought it would be great to share how I’ve changed my views on purpose through the lens of my spirituality. You can check out the video here:
Okay, this isn’t the newest of news but I’ve recently been posting more videos on my YouTube channel. The episodes of the Make It Happen Podcast have always been there to listen to but now we’ll start having more exclusive video content on the channel, as well.
At the moment, there are some videos previously released on IGTV. Personally, I like watching videos on my computer using YouTube more than through Instagram on my phone. I’m all about options and that’s why I also upload any IGTV videos I post over on YouTube!
I’ve already got some longer form video ideas in mind and I would love to explore video editing so go ahead and subscribe so you can keep in the loop about any new videos!
For starters, check out this video on Why The Change You Want Isn’t Happening. I share two common scenarios I often see for why change isn’t sticking.
Personally, I’ve been more of a controlling person in much of my life so the points mentioned in this video are for me as much as for you. Forever on the journey of learning and self-improving!
Part of what I aspire to show with Mel Makes It Happen is that you can be going through hardships and still pursue happiness. You can be struggling but still find moments that bring joy into your life. The ratio of the two is going to look different for everybody but I think including habits or practices that feel authentically you help diminish the discomfort. I want to inspire you to empower yourself and take care of yourself. If that means seeking out the help of healers so that you’re more able to enjoy your life then so be it.
Part of my story has been an ongoing trial of experimentation to tend to my TMJ Disorder and various chronic pain symptoms.
I’ve talked about my wisdom teeth removal surgery and how, not long after, I developed pain in my jaw–particularly along the temporomandibular joint (TMJ). I tried cupping and acupuncture, and got it to a manageable place, but the pain still came back. So I started looking for other options. I wanted to get to the root cause of my issue and fix it so that I wouldn’t have to keep going through this cycle of pain, treatment, temporary wellness, and then the same thing all over again.
It’s worth noting that I went to a dentist who advertises himself as an expert TMJ specialist to see if there was anything he could do for me. After taking x-rays and walking me through how my pain is coming from a misaligned jaw, thankfully, he had a solution via a $9,000+ device I could wear. Me, always thinking that there are multiple ways to solve a problem, decided to seek alternatives that would help with realignment of my jaw.
That’s what led me to give chiropractic care a try since it focuses on creating balance in the spine by working with the central nervous system.
NOTE: I know everyone is curious about what symptoms are worth getting treatment for and, while I can’t speak for your specific conditions, the range is very vast. Most people seek out care because of back-related issues but you could also get treatment from anything from headaches to trouble breathing. Here are just a few symptoms I was experiencing:
Sharp, stinging, burning pain
Tightness and discomfort moving
Tension in my neck, jaw, shoulders, and back
Build-up of pressure in neck, requiring “cracking”
In January when I started seeing my chiropractors (explained below), I was in pain from my face/jaw all the way down my neck, shoulders, and back. I even started cracking my neck which is something I’ve never done (or felt like I needed to do) in my life! The pain was major. My usual yoga practice and dousing myself in CBD balms weren’t enough to get me through a day. It felt like movement did more harm than good where pain was concerned, but not moving at all would make my body stiffen up and want to hunch over, as if I could curl into myself.
The clinic I’ve been getting treatment at has two chiropractors. Each of them are amazing in different ways and I tend to rotate between them for a slight change-up in effects. I’ve got to give major thanks to my chiropractors because I felt like a broken person when I started treatment and boyyy have I come a long way! That’s why I’m sharing my experience with you all today!
Me standing next to the x-ray machine at my chiropractic treatment clinic.
First appointment
I started off by filling out a quick form for insurance (this might be different if you seek care without insurance) on where my problem areas are and what sort of pain/tightness/stinging/etc it is that I feel. I rate my pain and what helps it, if anything. My initial consultation was a quick overview of my concerns and, typically, I think most people would get an x-ray done, too. My chiropractor opted not to do x-rays because she felt she understood where my pain was coming from, based on my description. So, we got right into a spinal adjustment that first day! Afterwards, the staff hooked me up with an ice pack which really helped ease the soreness that day and the next.
What a spinal adjustment feels like
If you’ve ever cracked your own neck (which I don’t personally recommend doing) then you know that it brings a small feeling of relief to that area. Imagine that throughout your spine. You often start by laying down on an adjustment table/bed. The chiropractor will have you turn on your back, sides, and front so that they can make sure your spine is in the best position for you. To do that, they press into different spots along your spine. They may need to contort your body slightly–not in a painful way–just to loosen up certain areas so they can reach the spine.
Adjustments don’t cause pain. In fact, they really don’t feel like anything. The most unnerving part, I feel, is just hearing all of the cracking sounds that your spine makes. The first couple of adjustments this would make me laugh because it was just so funny and strange to hear. Like: wow, is this all coming from me?! The best part is once the chiropractor is done and you sit or stand up, you immediately feel the “whoosh”. With the spine in balance, it feels like your body is a free-flowing river. There’s a fresh, almost cooling sensation that trickles down from your head to toes. (If you’ve ever had reiki done on you, it reminds me of that.)
Adjustment appointments are often around 5-15 minutes, so relatively quick! Post-care treatment after the initial appointments involves a cold compress the same day or as needed. It definitely depends on the severity of your issue but I felt a little sore post-adjustment during my first month and a half of treatment. It’s nothing outrageous or complicated that some dedicated ice pack time can’t help with.
Hopefully you can zoom in to read. This poster lists the array of symptoms correlating with different parts of the spine.
First month
I was on a twice-a-week adjustment schedule to tend to the layers of my pain. For me, I felt relief on outer layers: spots in pain as a result of other spots in pain. So, the outer layers, like my lower, mid, and upper back, were the first to feel relief. My shoulders, neck, and jaw weren’t neglected but the relief was just much less noticeable in these primary pain spots. The twice-weekly adjustments served to help reinforce the ideal alignment of my spine and, thus, give me faster healing results. On a personal note, I also started to consider the role that stress plays in my life and how I can reduce that so that I can lower/eliminate the tension in my body.
Months 2-4
As all of this beautiful healing is happening in my body, I started to wonder how I can maintain it–especially since I began going only once a week for adjustments (around the 4 week point). When I asked my chiropractor about exercise, I was told that it is okay and is encouraged because any movement done with a realigned spine helps to get your body used to that placement. I’m an avid exerciser and wanted to continue with the high intensity exercises I used to do before my pain was a problem. Silly me even started rebounding (jumping on a mini trampoline) at this time and that wrecked me!! It just caused my neck and shoulders to build up tension and sharp pains shot out to the surrounding areas on my body.
All of this to say, I was putting too much of a strain on my muscles as evidenced by the pain starting up again severely. As the outer layers ceased to be a problem, we could pinpoint specifically where my body still held pain. Much of my upper body was in knots and that delayed healing. I ended up getting a few therapeutic massages at the same chiropractic clinic to work out those kinks and that helped. As the knots diminished, there was less resistance in my body to chiropractic adjustments–i.e. I could get deeper and closer to the root of pain!
Months 4-6
Sometime around month 3 or 4 I end up getting x-rays done. These give a glimpse at characteristics of my spine, like a slightly forward angled neck area and a deeply curved lower back. My chiropractor, however, says the goal isn’t to achieve “the perfect spine” but to get it aligned in a way that best works with my body. A very holistic approach, which I love! So, given that frame of mind, I may have a tendency to develop pain/tension in my neck a bit more because of the angle it’s in. This knowledge isn’t to say chiropractic care isn’t going to help but it’s information I can use to be more cautious about the way I stand, sit, or carry myself to benefit my spine as best I can.
Given everything, I can see my posture is so much better. The pain I had in January that was crippling and made my body feel like it was hunching over is gone! Adjustment appointments are less “crack”-filled because my ways of moving on the day-to-day are generally the same and seem to keep my spine in position. However, the spine is still subject to disruption. I say that from experience after I had an incident where I was sleeping on an air mattress for 3 nights (instead of my comfortable mattress) and my back needed extra attention that following week at my appointment.
Where I’m at now
I’m now doing adjustments once every two weeks. The only places that pain remains is in my jaw and neck. It hardly impedes my daily life now but it is a process of maintenance. I take into consideration how I’m moving, sleeping, sitting, etc and try to support my spine with the best possible position. I still have a tendency to create stress in my body, which is what I’ve been trying to work on now. I know that the more I can reduce stress in my life, the more my body will slide into healing.
Cheers to at last getting some answers via x-rays!
I also have my own additional self-care that I’ve been doing for my TMJ Disorder specifically. Chiropractic care helps from the alignment aspect of the spine and the pressure it can cause on the central nervous system (if misaligned) but I feel it’s up to me now to take advantage of this cleaner slate, if you will. It’s a chance for me to commit to my own physical therapy type of exercises specific for my jaw pain in combination with implementing changes to relieve stress! How I’ve been taking notice of stressors and trying to eliminate those in my life can be a whole post on its own. Maybe that one’s next? We’ll see!
I hope you all enjoyed this post. If you’ve ever been curious about going to the chiropractor, perhaps this gives you insight into the slow but sustainable process that chiropractic care is. You don’t need to be in massive pain to go but even occasional back pain is worth getting checked out. You’ll likely feel the benefits soon off, too. I’ve had such a good experience and plan to keep up with my adjustments as long as possible.
Have your been to a chiropractor before? Let me know your thoughts or if you have any questions not addressed in this post and I’ll do my best to try to answer them.
We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. By clicking “Accept”, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies.
This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously.
Cookie
Duration
Description
cookielawinfo-checbox-analytics
11 months
This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics".
cookielawinfo-checbox-functional
11 months
The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional".
cookielawinfo-checbox-others
11 months
This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other.
cookielawinfo-checkbox-necessary
11 months
This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-performance
11 months
This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance".
viewed_cookie_policy
11 months
The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. It does not store any personal data.
Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features.
Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors.
Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc.
Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads.
