What has been on your mind lately? Do you feel preoccupied with feelings that you can’t put your finger on? We are in the midst of Cancer season, according to Western Astrology. A time for relishing in the comfort of our homes and in our hearts.
If you take note of the changes from one month to the next (every 30 or so days, we are in a new astrology season) you may notice how different themes present themselves in your day to day life. This is not a coincidence. There are natural forces shifting among us in the skies and on Earth. We are only a small speck of matter—mostly water, in fact—so it is no wonder we can feel the nuances of the outside world within us.
Characteristics of Cancer Season
At this time, the sign of Cancer affects us all, regardless of what your zodiac sign is. Cancer is the cardinal sign of the water elements (the other two being Scorpio and Pisces). It is an extremely sensitive sign, often more attuned to the happenings in the home and to the emotional nature of the world at large than most people. Their deep compassion for all living things and natural intuitive tendencies make them known as the “mother” of the zodiac.
Thus, it is a brilliant time to tend to the areas in your life that need some nurturing. That could mean your social life by reconnecting with close friends in a cozy setting or revisiting old hobbies. Your professional and personal lives can also benefit from Cancer energy by taking the time to carefully go through the steps for what you’d like to accomplish. Not just running into a new project or taking on a large load all of a sudden, but integrating small pieces so that you can do this thing well and in a sustainable way.
In addition, Cancer provides a wonderful energy for encouraging inner child work and emotional clearing. If this is new terminology to you then just know that connecting to the child within you will help solidify your sense of self. Think back on what life was like when you were a child, what your motivations were, and where that persists (or no longer is present) in your life today.
Ideas for connecting you your inner child:
Go through a photo album or scrapbook from childhood
These provide a visual for memories you may have forgotten about
Spend time in nature
A walk outside or, if possible, a swim in a pool, lake, or ocean will help kindle clarity on emotions.
Meditate on an event from childhood
Imagine the situation playing out in a way where you get exactly what you needed
Write a letter to your childhood self
Pick a specific age or time in your life for the most effectiveness
Read a book from childhood
A short story, novel, or any book you loved as a child will look so different now
Watch a movie from childhood
Again, your adult eyes will see it so differently. Ideally choose a movie you haven’t seen since childhood
Listen to music from childhood
Dust off some records or CDS (or just YouTube music) and sing along! Disney classics anyone?
Play with pets
Animals directly speak to the child within us. Petting your house pets, riding a horse, or a game of fetch with your dog, to name a few ideas.
These are strange times in the world but don’t let that stop you from taking care of yourself. This Cancer season is here to remind us to look within to inspire happiness in the present. To Tap into our emotions so that we may heal any wounds and make peace with them. Try setting aside 30 minutes in the morning or winding down your day with some of the above activities.
Feel what’s coming up and trust it.
As a disclaimer, I am not a professional astrologer or horoscope writer. The information outlined here comes from an intuitive place and is meant to be used in combination with your own sense of intuition and lifestyle.
In the human body, we have 7 main chakras and, in Yogic medicine, each of these is where you will find manifestations of ill health or dis-ease. In case you aren’t familiar with them, I’ll go over them briefly because this will tie in to what I share today.
The first one begins at the base of your spine and this is your root chakra. It represents stability, grounding, and all things pertaining to home and safety.
Above it is the sacral chakra and this is where sexuality and creation lies.
Next is the solar plexus chakra which holds personal willpower, strength, and confidence.
The fourth chakra is the heart center and, as you may imagine, holds the powers of compassion, connection, and love.
The fifth, throat chakra, is the portal of communication. As I’ll share in today’s post, that’s where I’ve been feeling stagnance.
Following this is the sixth chakra, the third eye aka your intuition.
Lastly, the seventh chakra is the crown, the connection to the universe and spirituality, and to the collective.
All of this to say, when you feel lost or unsettled, it could be worth looking at where you feel these blockages. Sometimes you can physically feel the blocks in parts of your body. Other times, you may just notice symptoms such as lack of willpower or “no energy” if the solar plexus is underactive. Or immense stress and instability if the root chakra is out of balance. It isn’t necessary to take a scientific approach to this, rather: it is quite obvious when you read about a chakra and take note of qualities that resonate or don’t. Another thing worth noting is that, when a chakra is out of alignment, it hinders the balance of chakras above it. For example, if you are not grounded or with a certainty of your safety (root chakra), then how can you expect to cultivate the six chakras above it? Chakras are like building blocks and one needs another to form a proper foundation for self-growth.
Lately, I’ve been feeling a blockage in my throat, both literally and figuratively. This discomfort in my body has led me to take a deeper look into how I can bring about alignment in myself again.
*As a disclaimer, this post is super raw and I’m just being honest about how I feel and putting it out there because I’m at the last straw here. I hope sharing what I’ve been feeling may be helpful and resonate with someone also struggling.*
Perhaps it’s not evident to anyone except me but I realize lately that I haven’t been using my voice. It happens when I get stressed or feel pressured. Any amount of overwhelm and I clam up. Retreat. Turn inwards. It’s the easy solution. I don’t need to explain myself to anyone. No one knows any better.
This seemed to be working for a while until I started getting jaw pain. I’ve had jaw pain before, and it’s something I need to manage, but this felt different. I’m finding myself clenching my jaw in moments to get a grip on a situation or try to control my emotions. What I haven’t let myself feel is the desire to speak. I’ve been holding back and biting my tongue. Holding back to wait for the right time, holding back to not step on anyone else’s toes, holding back to convey my words and my image appropriately.
Fear of what others may think.
What’s the actual block here? I think I just fear coming off rough or callous or straight up ignorant. That’s the worst case scenario in my book. Yet, I’ve been overthinking my words to the point of silence. To the point where I don’t know what to say. For someone with lots of thoughts and ideas, and a zest for life, I suddenly feel empty. Not sad or depressed, just blank. It’s as though I’ve gotten used to not saying anything at all that I am now unable to open my mouth. Unable to find the words to express myself, even if I do want to start talking again.
Limited social interaction while staying at home has made it even easier for me to go days where I utter only a few sentences. Instead, all of the words stay inside my head. They float around like particles in the air until they form thoughts. Sometimes they don’t. There are times when words only stay as words and incomplete thoughts become worries.
A big part of the way I have learned to understand myself is by writing out my thoughts and by speaking. Writing has always been my preferred choice of expression because it feels like a clear channel from my mind to my fingertips. Speaking is interesting, too, because it helps me realize beliefs that I hold that I didn’t know I hold. You know, like when you have an idea that sounds good on paper but once you start saying it aloud to someone else you realize there are some holes in it. That’s kind of what happens with me and talking.
Maybe without my writing practice or platforms to speak, my jaw is tightening up without use and my heart feels empty without passion. If passion is what drives me to speak and I’m willingly choosing not to speak then maybe there is a trickle down effect. Energy seeks similar energy. So if I’m not using my voice, then my jaw will clench up, and consequently, my passions dwindle. Like, why pay for the electricity bill in a house that is vacant? I feel kind of vacant.
The easy solution here is to speak.
I know it sounds super easy but when you’re out of practice, when you’re so used to letting others do the talking, it gets to be really hard to imagine that you have anything at all worth saying. Worth being heard.
There’s a lot of pressure, too. Not from anyone else, exactly…but that could be the case, too. I just feel like I’ve got to say something meaningful or else what’s the point of speaking? I’ve got to give something valuable to others…. That’s actually what stops me a lot of the time. Wondering what others will think.
The funny thing is, if I heard someone else that I care about saying these things, I’d really want to encourage them to open up. I’d say, “It doesn’t matter what others think. It might not feel like there’s anyone to listen right now but that’s because you’re not speaking. Speak your truth and the right people will come.” Just like that saying in Field of Dreams, “build it and they will come.” Okay, yeah, super cheesy to reference that movie but, you know, I really feel like sometimes you’ve got to take a leap of faith even if things don’t make sense now.
When a calling to do something or say something or build something strikes, you can’t shoot yourself down before trying. You owe it to yourself to see what this idea can turn into. If you’re really passionate about this thing (which you won’t know quite how passionate you are until you get started) you’ll naturally attract the people meant to see your work or meant to connect with you.
You can’t build solely for others because where is the heart in that? I haven’t been able to speak because I feel that I’m doing so to appease others. Yet, what would happen if I just spoke because I wanted to and let things unfold from there? Maybe not everything has to have a plan or has to be the most appropriately-constructed words or ideas from the get-go because you can only get better at speaking by speaking. You can only construct a better idea by first testing out the initial one in mind. You never know what something can turn into unless you just try.
In many ways, we have forgotten our sense of community.
This was first evident to me when the coronavirus began spreading. Then, as other countries banded together to manage cases, the United States did not act. It bypassed crucial moments to implement preliminary safety measures to prevent the spread here. Even now, many people ignore the basic guidelines and CDC recommendations and cases continue to pop up.
It is irresponsible to hold parties, socialize in person, or go without a face mask. It’s negligent for your own health and safety but downright disrespectful for others. How are we looking out for our fellow citizens if we can’t do our part?
Then, with recent circumstances surrounding the death of George Floyd, it becomes even more evident that we are missing the point. My heart sinks to see that we are still so disconnected from our fellow humans.
Where is our sense of community?
While we are more able than ever before to connect with one another, we are beyond disconnected in the ways that matter.
Community seems to be the missing piece in all of the hardships the country (U.S.) is facing and our ability to overcome them.
We value personal freedom and the opportunities that allow us but who is actually benefiting?
How can anyone say all people are protected when, really, it is one group being protected?
How can we call our country a melting pot of cultures when the groups that add diversity are frequently squashed and disregarded, or misrepresented at best?
For those of us who are in positions of waiting, positions of enduring, and positions to lead, we have the chance, now, to reinvent what it means to have a community. How much longer must we be so disconnected? While we live in a modern age of technology and massive accessibility to tools of communication, we often let pass the chances to use our words in a way that can create an impact.
If you wonder what impact your words can have then ask yourself: what is it that you value? If it is kindness, how can you be that? If it is wealth, how can you spread that? If it is communication, how can you create that? And how can you do that inclusively?
Change doesn’t have to be big or complicated. The grand effects only happen when everyone bands together. For that, everyone has to take part.
In fact, for those who feel stumped about what significance they have in the scope of the larger societal issues at hand, simply leaning into openness can be magical.
Be open to the differences between you and others
Be willing to holding space for the tribulations of others and do not diminish their plight
Be respectful of the issues that affect a person and groups of people which are important even if you are not yet informed
Be proactive to change your mind when beliefs you’ve held are no longer sensible or relevant
In other words, make the effort to listen to others without judgment. It certainly helps to seek education on subjects such as race inequality, appropriation, and subjugation as it pertains to race, ethnicity, or gender minority groups. I know that is a large feat on its own, and doing so will only help us be more equipped to help our fellow humans out in the community, and world, we live in.
At the most grassroots level, if you can open your mind and your heart to the stories and truths that minority groups have been exclaiming for years, then you can be an ally. If you share in the experiences and information, then you can be an upstander. If you can invest in the basic principles of equality for others, then you can help create that reality.
Things don’t get better unless you want them to and can take action to create more of what you want to see. We have the opportunity now to take note of where we are together as a community, and as a country, even if we haven’t always associated ourselves that way. Even if we have made mistakes in the past or did not exercise the kindness and respect that we should have, we can improve. It is time for action.
I’m attaching education resources I found helpful here:
Every so often I’ll see someone doing something cool and I wonder why they aren’t taking bigger steps to put their craft out into the world. You know, like when you discover a band on deep dive through recommended artists on YouTube or Spotify. You’re listening to their songs and asking yourself, “Why don’t more people know about this?”
For many of us, I think it’s easier to see the potential in someone else than ourselves.
In fact, bring to mind someone you admire right now. This can be a celebrity, an athlete, a musician, anyone!
Got it?
Okay. The same way we admire this other person, their actions, or their creations, we also have that same greatness in us.
Wild, right?
If you read that and are like, “I’m not rich and famous like them, I don’t have a house in Martha’s Vineyard, and I don’t have 1.2M followers on Instagram, so how the heck am I as great as them?!”
That’s valid and I’m not at all going to say those things don’t matter. They do! Just…not in the way you might think. Behind the surface layers of rich and famous, what is being represented? What does a large home in an esteemed part of Europe mean to you? What does a huge following on Instagram mean to you? Whittle that down. Or, you know, whatever aspect of greatness you see in the person you admire.
The thing we see as being so great in them is a quality we have equal potential to meet.
We’ve probably all heard that phrase about comparing yourself to someone else’s “highlights reel” not being a valuable use of your time. Totally true. Yet, what I’m proposing here is to nail down what you see in the person that you want. It’s hardly something as surface level as lots of money. That isn’t what would make you happy. Maybe it’s something you believe money could buy. Financial security for you and your family, perhaps?
So, we have our person. We have our aspect. Now, there’s just that roadblock of: how do we embody that aspect ourselves?
I started off this post by asking where it is you stay small. The tricky part is that we often don’t realize how small we are until we get a taste of feeling bigger. That’s what these people we admire are showing us! You might now be reading what I’m saying and be like: I hear ya but NOPE! Then, proceed to throw a blanket over yourself to stay hidden, figuratively speaking (or literally…who knows?).
Anyway, staying small is safe but it’s not fulfilling. Taking risks is scary but if we’re willing to re-frame the way we view ourselves, we could see that we, too, have a lot to offer. Think of your skills, the presence you have, the way you can get a group talking with one another, or the perspective you bring to the table. How can you bring more of that into your daily life? How can you share more of your authentic self with your community?
I know it’s scary to put yourself out there and try something new. We owe ourselves to stop playing small and give ourselves more credit for our unique abilities. Anyone can draw a picture of a bird but the way you draw it is going to be completely different than the way someone else draws it. Put your bird drawing out there because the simple fact is that there is nothing else like it. Maybe that’s a bit of an odd example to end on but hopefully you’ve caught the point. The things we have to offer the world are unique to us and not sharing them isn’t doing anyone any favors.
Before we dive in, I want to mention that May is not only Mental Health Awareness Month but also National Arthritis Awareness Month. While mental health is something I am really passionate about now and need to creatively stay on top of it, arthritis is not as big a part of my current story. I am so fortunate to say that because I know that it is a painful, daily reality for many people. I don’t often talk about my own experience with arthritis because, according to my doctor, I outgrew it.
However, I’d be silly if I said that having arthritis did not impact my adolescence and the way I view health. Arthritis is thought of as a physical disease but I don’t see how you can have a physical illness and not also have that affect your overall well-being.
This is my experience with being diagnosed with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis* and how I no longer have it.
Spoiler alert: this isn’t a miracle story, nor do I have any special hacks or medications that I used for overcoming JRA.
Early years
I’ve always been a girl with a lot of energy just seeking ways to let it out. So, like many kids, my favorite outlet was playing outside. Whether that was freeze tag during recess at school, riding my bike, or running through my neighbors’ orchards. Anything and everything was fun to me!
Despite being a fun-loving kid, for as far back as I can remember, my childhood was plagued by knee pain. I’d employ my parents to rub Aspercreme on my knees and wrap them in a fabric gauze to keep them warm. My dad often spent weeknights massaging my knees to help soothe the pain I felt. I wasn’t falling off my bike or doing anything to obviously hurt my knees. So, my parents said it was likely growing pains. Growing pains that lasted for years and years….
The symptoms set in
Around age 11, my sister and I joined gymnastics together. I had been looking forward to this so much but a few months in my knees began to hurt. I had knee pain pretty often but it was always for short periods and a massage or some Aspercreme would alleviate it. Yet, this knee pain felt different and it wouldn’t go away. I considered that maybe I hurt myself in gymnastics and took several weeks off, but my knee pain only worsened.
To put this into perspective, I was wrapping up my final weeks in 6th grade when the pain started to kick up. As the hot days crawled, so did the pain in other parts of my body, too. My skin developed little red blotches, like an allergic reaction. Red, hot (but not itchy) spots covered my legs and thighs, my belly and back, my arms and neck, and face. With every joint inflamed, I felt miserable. I had no energy to see friends, pursue hobbies I used to love like drawing (my hands and wrists hurt), and walking up the stairs in my house felt like a mission. It’s so weird to think of that now but I pretty much spent the majority of that summer between 6th and 7th grade laying on the couch in pain.
I had to ask my mom about this next part because I couldn’t remember when I actually saw the doctor who would change everything. Basically, I had to go through a big run-around with the pediatrician, get bloodwork, then get his referral to other specialists who had their own blood panel to request. Finally, I got referred to the Rady’s Children’s Hospital and met with a few different doctors in white coats. Each were specialists in different fields; each had unique sets of questions for me. My parents were in the room, too, and filled in the blanks for anything I couldn’t piece together.
The specialists asked me questions about my health, habits, behaviors, symptoms, and more. From that discussion alone, it was still a mystery if I had leukemia, lupus, or cat scratch disease. It wasn’t until another specially-requested blood panel that I came out positive for JRA.
The rheumatologist took over from there and the action plan was treatment with medication to get the inflammation and pain under control fast. At this time, I should also mention it was the start of my 7th grade school year. Prior to me even seeing the specialists, I had to endure walking the halls of a new school feeling decrepit, barely able to carry my own weight. My mom had made arrangements with the school to give me a little extra time to get to class in case I had a hard time walking. My backpack was heavier than I could handle so I also had some classroom accommodations made. That way, I didn’t need to carry the giant textbooks to class. I honestly felt so embarrassed even though I had a condition.
I didn’t want to think of myself as sick even though my body was unfamiliar to me and in so much pain.
Treatment hurdles and victories
Despite all this, it didn’t take long for the medication to work it’s magic. If I remember correctly, I was on prescription prednisone (steroids) and high-dose naproxen (pain killer) for several months. After my body stopped feeling like an inflammatory war zone, my doctor introduced me to methotrexate, a DMARD. DMARDs, disease-modifying anti-rheumatic drugs, are basically the non-steroidal answer to arthritis treatment because they help bring down inflammation, pain, and swelling, but also treat the actual arthritis-affected joints by slowing down their deterioration, according to WebMD.
The time I was on steroids seemed like the longest ever–I was in a transitional age and felt like all eyes were on me. I also felt additionally uncomfortable in my own body because I was gaining weight (side effect of the steroids). I was at the highest weight I’ve ever been at that time but at least I wasn’t in pain. So, by the time my body got settled on methotrexate, and I eased off the steroids, the worst was behind me. My pain stayed gone, methotrexate seemed to work without negative side effects. Some days required an extra naproxen pill on top of the methotrexate I took morning and night, but, otherwise, things were pretty smooth sailing.
The coolest part, now that I look back, was watching how I started on 7 little methotrexate pills daily and over the years was able to drop them down bit by bit. A time or two I would work with my doctor to try dropping down the amounts and my body would flair up. It wasn’t until I was a senior in high school, around 2011, that I finally got cleared of JRA.
I had reduced my medication successfully and symptoms no longer persisted.
I am so thankful for the amazing pediatric rheumatologist that I had treating me. He was patient, insightful, and helped me so much. Admittedly, he offered consistent suggestions to do things like pick up a sport or physical activity and that would help my joints all the more. The teen girl in me ignored the advice but, in later time, I’ve seen how implementing exercise helps maintain fluidity in my body, reduce stiffness, and lower inflammation. That being said, there is still one frustrating aspect about western medicine in that I never found out the root cause. Way before I ever got the chronic pain I did in the 6th grade, I was having knee pain most days out of the week. Were those early signs of arthritis? Even my rheumatologist could only say, perhaps.
While I was “in remission”, I was also concerned about symptoms coming back. There is a possibility of individuals who have Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis developing other forms of arthritis as an adult. However, it is also quite possible to not have arthritis symptoms come back at all.
Years after all of that I acquired an interest in health and went on to study nutrition through IIN. Some of the takeaways I got from there made me wonder if diet and lifestyle habits could have influenced my development of JRA. It’s hard to say. Even I especially cannot say that certain things were healthy or unhealthy because that is so individual. Yet, perhaps there are genetic predispositions and certain lifestyle habits will flick on those symptoms like a light switch. All I can do is take the best care of my body that I can now and give thanks for the amazing doctor and treatment options I had available to me at the time.
I only had arthritis for about eight years in my youth but many people of ALL ages suffer from arthritis. I’m awaiting more discoveries in the field of arthritis and hopefully increased research about holistic treatments to help the millions of people dealing with arthritis today.
*While I had arthritis, it was labeled as Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis but in later years the terminology changed to Juvenile Idiopathic Arthritis. I use JRA for consistency and time-relevancy throughout this post.
Self-image only matters to one person. By that, I mean that self-image is purely one person’s own perception of the way they carry themselves. With May being Mental Health Month, I think it’s important to address the very real fact that the health of our mind influences the health of our body.
In my experience, I have been in situations where talking about mental self-work (be that therapy, journaling, or any sort of practice to help tend to your thoughts and beliefs) feels superior to physicalities. As if it doesn’t matter what we look like on the outside as long as our head is in good shape. Respectively, mental health is so important but I don’t think we need to dismiss our physical bodies either. Our bodies aren’t just the vehicle we use to talk, walk, and interact with the world, they are a physical manifestation of how we feel about ourselves on the inside.
Some more “intellectual” folks may snub those who care about appearances as if it is all vanity. Both the mind and the body are beautiful though. Bodily features like the size, shape, color, or any physical attributes are part of the beautiful unique masterpiece that is your body. The mind for what it can create and the body for how it allows us to present ourselves and engage with the world.
There is a mind-body connection when it comes to self-image and one helps the other. The way I see it, if our mind feels stable and peaceful, then we are able to look at our bodies through that same lens.
It’s a complex case to describe how to achieve mental peace, and it’s a case that will mean something different for everyone, but I think a big part of that is taking ownership of yourself and being true to you.
When I was growing up, I was constantly looking at myself in terms of lack. I’d feel ashamed that I didn’t have something, maybe I had less money than someone else, or I wasn’t as smart in a subject area compared to my peers. I also suffered from bouts of depression and hopelessness more times than I could count. In my young mind, I felt that all eyes were on me and everyone knew I wasn’t capable or as well-off as I wished I was.
When everything around me seemed so dreadful, I began focusing on my physical features. I couldn’t “change” how smart I was but I could put on make up to make me look prettier or wear black clothing to hide myself. I got nit-picky about everything from the moles on my skin to the size of my thighs. It was innocent banter but my girlfriends used to joke about the size of their thighs and I thought: well, I might not have much but I do have the smallest thighs out of all of us. It’s sickening to think back on that.
Yet, when all else seemed to suck, I needed to create my own merits for success–and that’s why I’m here now: to talk about ways to value yourself mentally and physically.
I have picked up a strategy that I use to improve my feelings of well-being and I see how employing it helps me in many aspects of my life.
So, remember earlier when I said I’d compare myself to my peers and some were smarter in certain subjects than I was? Here’s the thing: we’re all smart in something. We all have unique skills, talents, and strengths. Focusing on those over the shortcomings is how you can feel better about yourself.
When you spend time cultivating a skill or learning about something, you feel pretty empowered afterwards, right? Not everyone has this information but you do. For example, maybe you picked up a sport and after falling flat on your face a couple of times, you began to improve your posture and established some better techniques. You might now be at some professional athlete’s levels (or maybe you are!) but that doesn’t mean you aren’t good and don’t have skills!
The point I’m trying to get at here is that spending time with yourself and cultivating the relationship to your inner self is what gets you out of the mental ruts that impact your view of your body and all areas of your life. You don’t have time to worry about cellulite if you can launch a massive kick into a soccer ball that sends it flying 50 feet away. Okay, can you tell I know nothing about soccer? I think the biggest thing you can do for yourself is pick yourself up!
It’s great when friends or family or people you admire tell you you’re great but that isn’t everything.
At the end of the day it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. It won’t matter if everyone in the world likes you, if you don’t like you.
The body and mind connection cannot be ignored. Unfortunately, just attending to our physical bodies cannot get us very deep in terms of improvement in self-image. We cannot neglect the underlying thoughts, beliefs, and feelings present in our mind. Yet, a stronger place of mental ability–or perceived ability–we feel more capable of tackling other problems, tasks, and ventures. Thus, we can see our body with a renewed frame of appreciation. Maybe even be more apt to make a list of 10 things you appreciate about it instead of 10 things you hate about it.
When you are driven by an internal sense of validation, mental purpose, and ability, you will find that your body is just as brave, strong, and empowered as your mind.
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