This post is an excerpt from a topic discussed on the Make It Happen Podcast. To listen to the episode, click here.
To some people, saying, “I’ve got to get my shit together” becomes casual talk. Maybe a phrase they throw around on a weekly basis because it’s fun to speak in hyperboles and the phrase itself sounds grand. On a side note, I’m not opposed to cuss words. Some are fun and they help to emphasize a point but they limit a thought that can better be explained with other words. So for that reason, saying phrases like this are not funny.
It’s a way to hide behind a problem instead of taking ownership over what needs attention.
Let’s get specific though. Regarding the phrase, “I’ve got to get my shit together”, I’ve seen it being used to feign ownership of a situation but all the person is really doing is blowing off steam. Acknowledging the problem lessens the intensity of the problem but, from what I see, the people who say “I’ve got to get my shit together” don’t actually know what steps to take to do that.
For example, if an intention of yours is to be more eco-friendly then what is something you can implement to improve that? What little actions can you take within your day to align with this? If you’re unemployed and are saying you need to get your shit together then get specific. What actions can you take from the comfort of your home or with half an hour of time to spare? Things don’t need to feel like a mess. Plus, saying you have to get your shit together is self-critical and not actionable.
So, first things first 1) Don’t fake your concern for a situation or cause. Too many times I hear the phrase being used as a cop out or an excuse. And 2) if it is a legitimate concern then use language that helps you get clear on what feels out of control in your life and what you need to do to fix it, rather than just making your problems seem bigger than you.
That brings into question communication tools that can better get your point across.
Part of taking responsibility of what’s going on in your life is verbalizing constructive statements. Your friend or coworker doesn’t know what is really bothering you if you just say you need to get your shit together. Instead, how about saying to your friend, “Hey, I need help sorting through my closet.” or “Can you help me get my tax documents together?” Be specific about what areas need work.
If you aren’t sure right off the bat then think about that and write it down.
Sometimes things feel so big in our heads but once you put it down on paper –or virtual paper via the notepad in your phone, if that’s your thing– then the situations don’t seem so big. Once you write it down, it might only be a list of say 3 different tasks that you need to accomplish in the coming two weeks. If it is a longer list, that’s okay, too. I like to sort things by immediacy and importance–and most times I find what I’m stressing about isn’t quite as big of a deal as I’m making it out to be.
My heart goes out to the people who have to plan months ahead because of the scope of their work or associated organizations. But remember:
Worry doesn’t create anything of substance, only action does.
So if you’re worried about an event happening three months from now, how about turning the focus on the assignment you need to finish this week or the presentation you have to prepare for next week? The mini achievements that will help get you further down the path.
This post is an excerpt from a Make It Happen Podcast episode. To hear the episode instead, click here.
More than anything I think we have information overload. We’re processing a whole lot of information on a daily, and in some cases minute-by-minute basis. We hear conflicting ideas from friends, family, doctors, news articles, passer by-ers on the street and…just everyone! Everyone has an opinion and their own way of doing things but you don’t have to care about something just because your friend does.
When you have to process and dissect a whole lot of information, it becomes challenging to gut through all the excess to figure out what you want. As in: the stuff your soul actually wants without outside influence impacting you.
Be cautious of where you’re taking in information from.
We know that many organizations and companies have something in it for them so they can fear monger you into buying their products or following their ideals. However, this can happen much more subtly with people. Often, we go around repeating the same information we have been told or raised with throughout our lives.
Just think back to when you were a kid and how everyone would ask you what you wanted to be when you grew up. I remember adults asking me and I’d answer lawyer, journalist, magazine editor, or whatever my career interest was. Of course, my pool of knowledge in terms of careers was also incredibly small. I don’t feel like I am significantly more aware of careers nowadays because there are just so many. But as a kid, I wasn’t taught to keep boundaries.
I mean, the obvious boundaries regarding safety, yes, I was taught those. There are physical boundaries that one can utilize to stay away from rude, dangerous, or otherwise harmful people or situations. However you can’t always choose what people interact with you or shield yourself from what they say.
That’s where emotional or–actually, I’d prefer to call them energetic boundaries. Energetic boundaries are something I’ve learned more about in the past year. To have these in place means you are able to have outside projections, societal conditioning, propaganda, or misinformation come your way and not take it all to heart.
Here’s how this looks for me.
Lately, what I’ve been trying to be cautious of is the espousal of diet or thin idealism language or ideas. Anyone can fall into this trap because conditioning is so strong and deep. Most frequently I’ll hear people make comments about not being able to eat certain things– that aren’t objectively even bad foods–but they have been told by diet culture that select foods are off limits because they are unhealthy. I also try not to look at anyone’s plate because I don’t need to compare my serving sizes to them, nor do I want anyone else comparing their meals to mine.
Another gnarly thing is when people make comments about what someone is wearing. I have heard both of my parents do this and now with my clear eyes I can see that this was present when I was younger, too. Unfortunately, the people saying these things aren’t bad people. They are victim to conditioning. They heard certain ideas at one point in their life, the ideas were likely reinforced to the point where they became subconsciously ingrained in the person’s mind, and then there these people go spreading the same ideas around.
There is so much more I could probably say on this but for the sake of keeping myself on the subject, boundaries are how we navigate the world because we choose how much space to allow outside influence to occupy into our psyche.
Yes/No
Beyond physical and energetic boundaries, we also have verbal boundaries–the choice to say yes or no to things that either resonate with us or don’t resonate with us. I think it’s a really important practice to say yes or no to everything to give yourself the reminder that you always have a choice.
The people who don’t have their shit together are typically saying yes to things that distract them from what they really need or want to be doing and therefore need to employ usage of the word no.
Another thing that could be happening is not making a decision.
A shrug or middle ground stance strips you of your decision-making power. I’m not saying you have to be a dictator when making plans with your friends but when you feel “eh” about something. This might intuitively feel different for you but for me I initially feel a sense of “blah”. As if I don’t care what happens. But, as I’ve been exploring this decision-making power to set boundaries, I’ve realized I do care and most often the indifference is hiding a no. It’s me wishful to leave an event but not wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings. Or being cognizant of my schedule or my ideal bed time (when I’m hanging out late at night) and going along with what those around me want to do even though my heart is telling me this is going to set me back or I don’t have the energy to do more.
As I said before, these are things we really need to practice. There are a lot of temptations and sometimes it’s not a big deal to splurge once in a while. You’ve just got to be aware of what boundaries you value and try your best to say yes to yourself more than others.
Throughout the past year, I’ve been diving more and more into art. The funny thing is, when I was a kid, I was always drawing, coloring, taking photos, gluing things together, doing all the crafts! So, what happened? As I got older, the only creative outlet I utilized became choosing the color for my powerpoint presentation background. I don’t want to say: school happened. I mean, traditional educational systems prioritize math, english, history, and science more than art. That’s why photography, ceramics, music, or any type of art class counts toward “elective” credits instead of mandatory requirements. Not that art should be mandatory but it certainly shouldn’t be viewed as secondary or inferior. Now that, I think, speaks to more of a larger societal phenomenon than simply the school systems.
When you’re an artist, you automatically grow up with the odds against you.
Others may love what you create but there is still the 𝓈𝓊𝒷𝓁𝒾𝓂𝒾𝓃𝒶𝓁 𝓂𝑒𝓈𝓈𝒶𝑔𝒾𝓃𝑔 that you’ll need to find “𝙖 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡 𝙟𝙤𝙗” at some point. Or, at least, make sure you have a plan to fall back on. All while inferring that art cannot support you or be a source of income enough to support you the way a traditional job is supposed to. What can and cannot support a person isn’t guaranteed and holding the kind of job your parent wants for you isn’t necessarily going to be the safe, secure job they imagine either. This is besides my point.
If you happened to grow up never feeling creative suppression from parents/school/societal conditioning /other systems then that’s great and more power to ya but I don’t believe this is common (at least in the U.S.).
I know 𝕔𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕚𝕤 𝕞𝕪 𝕨𝕒𝕪 𝕠𝕗 𝕖𝕩𝕡𝕣𝕖𝕤𝕤𝕚𝕠𝕟.
I’ve rotated between drawing, writing, performing arts, audio and visual media throughout my life. Silly me thought I could just set these aside and focus on chasing the money and that would satisfy me. Have I mentioned that I do have a tendency to go heavy on an 𝒂𝒍𝒍-𝒐𝒓-𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 attitude.
In learned that cutting out my creative outlets–basically only doing the very occasional creative, fun, hands-on project–made me feel empty. I felt cut off from my purpose and, even worse, I cut off my voice. In my most closed-off state, I even acquired a sore throat (when I 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 get sick).
To get spiritual for a sec here, the throat chakra (one of 7 main centers in the chakra system in our bodies) isn’t just used for talking, it’s the communication center. Although art is creative, it is also expressive. I used my art as a way to share my thoughts and feelings. So this just confirms that art is as important to my well-being as much as food, movement, and sunlight. Note to self: I definitely need to write a post on this, too! 🌞
I’m always working on finding a balance between these areas of my life because I don’t believe they need to be mutually exclusive. Earning a *more than decent income* being a creator or artists is possible!
For anyone else who does creative work (yes, it is work, whether or not you get paid for it) I see you, and your work demands to be seen. If you believe in your work, then it has value; it’s as simple as that.
On the surface, these may not seem like two opposing ideas–or even two related ideas but they are indeed connected.
For most of my life, I’ve been a holder of expectations. I’d paint a mental picture of the way an event “should” play out, or what I what I imagined I’d accomplish, or worse: how others will react or speak to me.
If you do this currently, I see you and it is totally understandable to want to be prepared and have a plan but actions are not quite as predictable as we might imagine, especially when we are talking about the actions of others. For me, holding expectations only led me to: disappointment, frustration, anger, stress, anxiety, and unhappiness. Why? Because expectations are not reality. They are movies made up in our minds.
What is real are intentions.
Intentions, put plainly, are ways of being. In my experience, I consider intentions to be 1) pertaining to myself and 2) action-oriented. They remove the “wants” or “shoulds” from others and outside events and return my power to me.
My process of intention-setting can take place at the start of my day but, most often, it happens when I feel dis-ease creep up on me. The kind of intentions I like to set are focused on me being the best me I can be–i.e. being kind, loving, peaceful, forgiving, etc. I also set intentions to release. I can get frustrated and tense very easily, so much so that, historically, physical body pain develops even before I realize my own emotions! Although, I’m working on changing that and, the more I connect to my inner self, the easier it gets.
Start connecting the dots.
Anyway, throughout my day, I began taking note of the moments I’d feel the frustration, anxiety, or whatever negative emotion occurs. I then began to see how I was dealing with it. I would not talk about my stressors, I’d bottle them up, bite my tongue, and let the discomfort manifest in my body. I’d clench my hands and feet, scrunch up my shoulders, and stagnate my precious breath.
You may experience different physical symptoms than I named when you experience stressful situations. The thing to pay attention to is what is causing the discomfort.Once you can pinpoint it, then you can start to remedy the situation by speaking up, taking action, or simply releasing expectations of how things should be and focusing on change within.
Let me word this another way. During an oracle card pull, I was shown that I’ve been longing for something. For belonging. Though, to just sit and wish for the connection I desire does not help anything. I have to create what I want to have instead of waiting for it to come. Applying this principle, I have to set intentions for how I want to be (what I choose to see, focus on, and create) and let go of expectations that what I want will come to me. Change doesn’t start outside, it starts within.
Breakdown:
Notice where you feel discomfort
Pay attention to what triggers that feeling
What about the person, situation, or thing is irritating?
Can you change it?
Yes – take action!
No – change your mind!
Set intentions to be truthful with yourself
Toss expectations to the wind! We don’t need them anymore. What is beneficial and productive is holding intentions for ourselves. What expectation can you reframe into an intention?
At this time last year, I was clutching onto the hope of a better future as the sole motivating force to move me forward.
I don’t mean to speak lightly of this but, for the first time in my life, I was having suicidal thoughts. New Year’s Eve 2018 was the culmination of all the feelings of everything that “went wrong” over the course of the year. The future was, blissfully, painted in my mind as a hard-to-imagine dream of a better life.
Yet, that was enough to propel me into 2019 but this year I had a lot of healing to do: starting with all of the baggage I brought with me from 2018.
Before diving into that, I’ll just mention that it’s been a while since I’ve written for my blog. I’ve applied my energy to different places like my podcast, and also shared my heart on Instagram a lot more. You can read or watch some of that journey on recent posts or this IGTV story.
Anyway, in 2018, I dealt with being taken advantage of in different ways: under-appreciation in my workplace, belittling and passive-aggressive attacks from my boss, overextending myself in a relationship that I saw more into than he did. Plus, this was when my chronic health issues began popping up because HELLO, STRESS was at an all-time high.
When I came out of all of that (let go from the job, relationship ended, unemployed for months), I felt defeated–as though I had lost everything. If I look at it now, and even at the time, the situation sucked but a part of me felt I was deserving of better. What exactly? I didn’t know. I knew I wanted better but I didn’t know if that was possible.
So, 2019 brought a lot of much-needed self-work. Some deep subconscious digging to reveal my wounds and unleash underlying trauma. I learned where I gave too much and tested when it is okay to let go. I exercised putting boundaries in place, after being in far too many uncomfortable situations, and discovered where I’m selling myself short. I won’t say this has all been easy (MONTHS of work here) but it has all been monumental for defining a sense of worth and love for myself.
The remaining issue at the moment feels like the hardest thing to manage: my chronic health problems. These fluctuated throughout the year, increasing and transcending into more nuanced concerns as I focused on them.
However, I now see a direct correlation to the issues I was having and my sense of self.
The pain, aches, tightness, and discomfort were FEAR that I had developed a close relationship with. I let fear turn into a security blanket because I knew growing would be uncomfortable and I wasn’t ready to face it. At least staying “here” in what I’m used to is, well, a discomfort I am well-acquainted with. A little SICK, I know. “I don’t have anything if I don’t have my health,” I’d say. So, to match with the areas I felt small in life, I created worries about my own physical body to keep me out of vibrant health. And thus the dedicated health-obsessed me will stop at nothing to solve the ailments! Although, really, I did not need to look far because the solution was in me. Dissatisfaction in life turned into dissatisfaction in my body. Fully self-created. Again, because this is an area (a pain) I could control.
My sense of self has returned this past month–and brighter than ever. I recognize the story I was creating for myself; I hope in doing so, I’ve cracked the code on healing the residual issues I had left to heal. Then, I can focus on other stuff. ACTUALLY moving forward the way I want. LIVING LIFE. GOING ON ADVENTURES. CREATING ART. Yeah, there’s a lot I want to do!
The proudest moments for me are not just what I’ve done but, more importantly, how I’ve grown. And my, oh my, have I done a lot of growing in 2019.
Now is the time to pull all of the knowledge and advice acquired from teachers in their many forms (friends, podcast guests, social media influencers, etc.) to recite my biggest lessons from 2019:
Let go of the idea that things could’ve gone any differently.
If there is something you can change, ponder over it, see what you can do, but if not, there is no sense dwelling on it. The past is in the past. (see more)
Life is beautiful if you allow it to be.
Every experience has led up to this point now. You just make the most of the cards you’re dealt.
The biggest fallacy is that anyone has or will ever have it all figured out. Everyone is at a different place in their life, each with their own struggles and strengths. They’re all just trying their best but you can’t compare one person’s journey to another’s.
There is something to appreciate in every moment.
“When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it.” – The Alchemist
You cannot control others’ perception of you. All you can do is focus on being the bestyou that you can be.
Someone else can’t “make you” feel anything.
“If it feels like it’s you versus the world, chances are, it’s really just you versus yourself.” – Mark Manson
“Don’t hope for a life without problems. There is no such thing. Instead, hope for a life full of good problems.” – Mark Manson
Let go of the belief that you “can’t” do something.
Sometimes you have to do it scared.
“You suffer more in imagination than in reality.” – Cynic of the Younger
There is no worse place to sit than in indecision so, when deciding whether or not to take action, always take action.
Let go of the idea that there is only ONE THING. In fact, life will be comprised of many things.
Success comes with trying, failing, and then using that as insight and motivation to make improvements. (see more)
You don’t need to make yourself small to benefit someone else.
Don’t be afraid to walk away from people, opportunities, or things that are not the right fit. The right thing is on its way.
I mentioned some direct quotes above but other lessons on this list are my interpretation of wisdom from many people including the following: Michelle Mercado, Israel Rodriguez, Lacy Phillips, Mark Manson, Michael Bosstick, Alex Coll.
The plan is to keep sharing in 2020, as I’ve discovered just how important expression is to me. So, if you’re sticking around for the journey, then thank you. Truly.
Less than two months ago I was dealing with a unique form of pain that was beginning to really inhibit my daily life. The pain was inescapable because it was on my face: along my jaw, sides of my cheeks, and stretching down into my neck and upper back. Now, this did not develop overnight but over the past year it has gradually been getting worse. I’m all about working on my body and my health by myself but this was a situation that I felt outside help was necessary.
TMJ & clenching my jaw
Let me backtrack a little and say that I believe the pain in my face started after I got my wisdom teeth removed. I did not have any complications post-procedure but I did notice the mobility of my jaw just felt different. So, I hit up my dentist to get a professional opinion. My dentist quickly shut down the idea that there could be any possible link between my wisdom teeth removal and the pain I had in my face.
I take a holistic approach with everything regarding my body and I knowit is all connected. He said I was grinding my teeth and that is why I had the tension build-up in my face. My dentist “diagnosed me” with a TMJ issue, which stands for Temporomandibular joint Syndrome. I was given a referral to a specialist 4 hours away from me but the idea of getting a retainer or physical therapy for my face did not seem appealing. I don’t want to discredit anything TMJ specialists can do but I had literally been doing at least 2 facial massage + mobility exercises a day, jade-rolling, and rubbing various high-potency essential oils on my face for months to no avail. So the issue felt deeper-rooted.
I was at a place where my face felt stiff and swollen 24/7 and simply smiling was downright uncomfortable and painful.
Given the likelihood that I had begun grinding my teeth after my wisdom teeth surgery, I began to work on releasing my jaw. I tend to clench my jaw, fists, and toes when under stress. So, that did certainly make a difference in my jaw but that would only be helpful going forward…there was still the pain that had previously formed which needed to be addressed—pain that can only be described as a constant, bothersome, tension that was deeply embedded in my body. No amount of foam rolling, stretching, and self-massages could release it.
I had been curious to try acupuncture for a while but I have always tried to cure my body on my own. Plus, I inquired about the pricing per session and my insurance was not going to cover it. I’d have to pay full price. So I sat on the idea, wondering if I could find someone else…meanwhile researching on Google how acupuncture has been used to treat TMJ.
The tipping point.
I was already living with constant swelling, a distinct heat and redness on my face, and a “tugging” feeling on the muscle down the side of my jaw. Yet, it wasn’t until I was eating dinner one day where I could hear my jaw making a clicking/popping sound. My family turned their heads in surprise. I did a few jaw exercises to see if that would help but it felt like the bones where my neck meets my jaw were coming out of place and pulling at the tendons in my neck. The sound was unsettling but the tightness and the way my bones rubbed together was worse. My jaw started to tire out and, quickly, it hurt so much I was in tears.
I ponied up and called my local acupuncturist to book an appointment. The blessed soul had availability the very next day.
I can’t speak for all acupuncturists but the way mine works is:
He takes your weight, blood pressure, pulse, and asks what has brought you in. You describe your issue and he takes you to a room to lie down on a bed for treatment.
I was seeking treatment for my face, jaw, neck, and upper back. The first session involved cups and needles but, as the sessions progressed, I would receive more needles than I would cups.
I won’t pretend to know the ins and outs of this therapy but I believe cupping serves to draw out tension and the darker areas also provide a guide to the acupuncturist as to where to place needles. So, in my first treatment, I removed my shirt and got cups placed all over my back. After about 20 minutes, needles were placed at various places on my back and neck, and a needle on each of my feet. After 15 minutes, those were removed and I flipped over to have needles placed on my face, neck, hands, and feet.
It is worth stating that I didn’t feel any immediate changes to my pain and tension after the session but I did feel calmer, at ease, and I just steady. At the point of two days post-session, I can safely say about 75% of my pain was gone.
I felt dramatically different but that certainly was not enough for me to stop there. I proceeded to have weekly treatments to target my jaw and neck area. Each time, I’d go through a similar process of cups and needles. The sessions that followed were similar to my first, just with cups and needles placed in slightly different spots depending on where the pain/tension was at. As they went on, the fewer cups I needed to get because the tension I had was also lower. It felt like additional increments of that remaining 25% tension were getting alleviated each time. Even the redness and swelling were gone around session 4.
The purpose of this post is just to describe how acupuncture has helped with my TMJ and shed some light on how it helped!
I don’t yet know if I’ll need to get acupuncture for the same issue again soon or in the coming months but right now I can say that my TMJ has been greatly alleviated. Also, I noted earlier that releasing my jaw makes a difference. Well, now that the pain is largely gone, I can implement that habit and use that for preventing tension from building up as badly as it had.
FInal note: My acupuncture sessions literally became my favorite part of my week. They proved to be so relaxing (even though I had needles stuck in my skin!) that I would nearly fall asleep. Even though this alternative medicine treatment can be pricey, when you’re dealing with an issue that drastically depletes your quality of life, it is worth tending to! I’m extremely grateful to have tried this form of treatment and, if you’re dealing with TMJ or a similarly deep musculoskeletal issue, I certainly recommend giving acupuncture a try.
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