I have numerous posts here on my blog about different treatments I’ve tried and different approaches I have undertaken in an attempt to heal the constant tension and pain I’ve held in my jaw and neck for the past 2+ years. Pain that has transferred and manifested in several other parts of my body, too. At times the pain subsides and, other times, I wonder how I can keep on living in my body. I’m sure if you deal with TMJ Disorder or have any form of chronic pain you can understand how I feel.
It’s taken a lot of exploration, self-care, and resilience to get me here today. I now bear a fraction of the TMJ pain I once had and my symptoms have nearly gone away. I went from not being able to open my mouth larger than the size of a golf ball to, well, having my face feel more like my face again.
There are some key things that have helped me and I want to share them in case they can be of help to you–wherever you are in your journey to heal TMJD or chronic pain!
Quick definition:
TMJ stands for Temporomandibular joint which is the joint that runs along the side of the face. It begins at the temples and runs down in front of the earlobes and into the jaw. TMJ is not an ailment itself but TMJD (or TMJ Disorder) involves a series of symptoms stemming from that area of the body.
There is a lot that I’ve learned (not only about my TMJ symptoms but) about my overall health and the very interconnectedness of all aches, stressors, symptoms, emotions, and more that I feel needs to be talked about.
Before I dive into how I’ve been able to heal, I want to drop some references to other posts you may want to check out. My process for healing my TMJ disorder and related pains involved me looking into how I could better myself on multiple levels.
Because this is the internet, I will also put the disclaimer that anything I share here is just personal experience and meant to be used for educational purposes and not as a replacement for medical care, professional advice, or otherwise.
My only suggestion would be to try out what stands out to you and know that a combination of the below therapies and tools have work best rather than just one thing alone. Also, be open-minded and be willing to commit to yourself! Healing is on the other side of resistance.
The Mel Makes It Happen Grand List of Tools for TMJ Disorder:
Oral Night Guard
I got a night guard early on when pain in my jaw first started developing. These are easy to obtain at drugstores but I would recommend getting one specially made for you at your dentist/orthodontist because that one will be much more comfortable!
Essential Oils
I’ve tried a variety of essential oils, including Young Living’s PanAway blend or the Saje Wellness Peppermint Halo roll-on for when my jaw had serious pain. Those are my personal favorites but if you have single oils on hand, you can apply a mix of peppermint, rosemary, clove, wintergreen, and helichrysum can be a good one, too. However, what has been incredibly helpful for me has actually been theH. Gillerman Jaw Clenching Remedy. It works subtly to calm the jaw enough to release the muscles. Once the jaw is less focused on clenching, it is more susceptible to the benefits of physical therapy exercises (see below).
CBD
While CBD doesn’t completely take away pain, it does dull pain enough for you to carry on with your day/night. While essential oils tend to provide an invigorating or calming effect (depending on what oil you use), CBD encourages relaxation which can be especially helpful before bed. Anything you can do to help relax you so you’re not clenching is helpful!
Jade Roller
The facial self-care is definitely up when you have TMJ disorder. Ajade rollercan feel very nice, not only because of its cooling effects (when stored in the fridge) but because it helps rub out the muscles. Jade rolling can be done morning or night as an accompaniment to your skincare routine. I like to use the roller to focus near the sides of my face on the muscles a little harder to dig into with my hands alone.
Yoga
There are some yoga stretches that may be helpful when TMJD symptoms extend past the jaw and into the neck, shoulders, and back. I like this 10 min videoto help squeeze out the knots in the upper body. Definitely explore videos on YouTube because there are lots of yoga and stretching videos for any part of the body that needs some loving. Here’sanother good one just in case you like options!
Therapeutic Face Massage
If you don’t have a jade roller, or if you’re just more of a hands-on person, self massage is perfect! I started researching various massages on YouTube and foundthis one to be really helpful.
Chiropractic Care
I started seeing a chiropractor in January 2020 and you can read all about my experience in my 6 month recap post. It took me trying out three different chiropractors to find one with a structured treatment plan aimed at helping my jaw improve. In a situation like this, I was also given physical therapy exercises I could do at home, which I feel are very necessary if you have TMJ issues. It’s worthwhile to get clear on what the professional can help with and constantly reassess treatment as your symptoms change. You want someone who is willing to work with you and not solely lead you down a path they feel is best.
MY TIP: When first looking for a chiropractor, or any professional healthcare assistance, it’s best to call or visit their website to see if they have a specific treatment plan for how to tend to TMJ disorder.
Acupuncture
I’ve also written about my acupuncture experienceand this was one of my favorite treatments. The same rules from above apply (ask questions!). My acupuncturist is more consultation-based so I was able to ask questions and express concerns at the initial and every subsequent visit. I had cupping done, to help draw out the tension, and needles inserted, to target the root of my pain spots. The perk of acupuncture is how relatively quick results are. So, a couple of weeks of treatment will definitely move the needle in the healing direction (pun intended).
Facial Massage
A friend of mine introduced me to qi gong which is a gentle form of movement that helps to maximize your body’s natural energy. One day I curiously searched for qi gong for the face on YouTube and came across someqi gong facial massages! I’d consider these to be different than physical therapy or other types of facial massage. While they aren’t targeted at TMJ pain, I think they help get the energy flowing when my face feels a little stiff or swollen (especially in the mornings).
Dr. Adam Fields TMJ videos
I recommend these more than anything! The exercises outlined in Dr. Field’s firstand secondvideo really help to stretch the jaw in unique ways I hadn’t seen anywhere else. Obviously I’ve sought out many resources and that’s why I’ve put together this list! If you are like me and deal with neck issues also, his series of videos for neck exercises are also outstanding.
Lymphatic Drainage Massage
I want to do a whole post about lymphatic drainage because this whole system is so fascinating! With all of the muscle tension, swelling, and pain happening in the face, jaw, and neck, lymphatic drainage helps to aid in detoxification. This specific style of massage works with the lymphatic system to decrease inflammation and puffiness, which are (in my opinion) frustrating and uncomfortable side effects to TMJ issues. This video is specifically for the jaw, cheek, and neck.
You may be wondering if you read that right or if I made a mistake with the title and the answer is no. I fully meant singing. I started to think about the jaw/neck pain that I had on a multi level way, besides physical. I resonate with the chakra system and in that methodology, dysfunction in the neck and jaw equates with not speaking your truth or underutilizing your communication sector. Singing is a rather fun way of opening up the vocal chords and loosening up the jaw. I began dedicating time to vocal warm ups and singing along to my favorite songs on a regular basis.
Enforcing boundaries
In the same spirit of tapping into the throat chakra, enforcing boundaries is a very important thing to communicate. In the past, I have tended to shy away from saying no and have looked for others to set the pace. This is not only a very passive way to live but it encourages others to walk all over you! I’ve gained more understanding of my values and have thus been practicing laying out my needs with others as clearly as possible. Take what you want from this but exercising this muscle has been so helpful for me.
Speaking my truth, unapologetically
What hurts me the most is not standing up for myself. Not being honest about what matters to me and, instead, morphing to fit what others desire. It is incredibly unsustainable, for one. Secondly, I’ve come into the mindset that each one of us deserves happiness. So dimming our light or belittling ourselves so as not to take up space (literally or figuratively) is only keeping us from blossoming into the most healed and authentic version of ourselves. Do not be afraid to share what is really in your heart!
Stress reduction
Have you heard that stress is the cause of all ails? It is linked to many chronic illnesses and that is largely because it keeps your body in a heightened state of panic, utilizing all of its valuable resources! Think: fight or flight. When your body is stressed out, it isn’t able to spend time allocating resources to engage in bodily processes or heal. Think: rest and digest. Instead of zooming places, rushing through your day, or holding your breath (something I’m guilty of), consider how you can make this very moment a little more peaceful? If you can incorporate relaxation into this moment, and then the next moment, and then the next, you’re better setting your body up to heal itself.
Self-connection
I believe our bodies hold answers to many things about us that we may not even be consciously aware of. A practice I like to do involves sitting in a quiet room alone and taking note of how I feel. Asking myself what the spots I hold pain are saying and what they are asking me to notice. Our bodies really do talk to us but we have to be open to listening. Take what you may from this but connecting to myself in this way has helped me feel more involved in my healing and not just a passenger in the process.
Having a healing mindset
I share this one last because I have struggled to maintain this myself. I feel that my own healing fluctuates a lot and that has made me doubt whether I’m getting better or not. I’ve been working to shift my perspective to not see obstacles as “not healing” but rather a step in the life-long process of healing.
Healing is on the other side of resistance.
There we are! I’ve tried many remedies and techniques to help heal my TMJ disorder symptoms naturally and I’ve covered just about all of them. My jaw has felt better in recent time but I wouldn’t say any one thing alone has taken my jaw pain away. I will say that dedication to healing and being willing to try out a combination of the aforementioned tools has helped me become happier and more able to function in a way that feels “like myself”.
I hope you may give some of these a try and let me know how it goes. Plus, feel free to share any treatments or techniques that have worked for you in the comments. I’d love to make this as large of a resource page as possible!
Lastly, if you know anyone who could use the information on this post, please send it their way!
There is a lot that I’ve learned about my overall health and the very interconnectedness of all aches, stressors, symptoms, emotions, and more that I feel needs to be talked about. Having gone through the process of healing many times, and still going through it, I wanted to bring some illumination on how to recognize when dis-ease exists in the body.
You can also check out my post on The Process of Healing for more details about what it’s like after recognizing what is not right.
Dis-ease is not necessarily disease but it can be a sickness that you can’t put your finger on. It can be a variety of symptoms that do not show up on a blood panel or when you step on a scale. The symptoms have more to do with not feeling happy, not feeling whole, and not feeling self-worth.
Dis-ease is a state of being out of alignment with your natural state of authenticity, radiance, and vibrant health.
Because this is the internet, I will also put the disclaimer that anything I share here is just personal experience and meant to be used for educational purposes and not as a replacement for medical care, professional advice, or otherwise.
I’m going to begin by breaking down the three main components of pain or any sort of dis-ease in the body.
I consider the following three areas whenever I am ill or simply not feeling myself. These are the frames by which I view symptoms and seek to create harmony amongst them. There may be times when only one area needs attention but, most often for me, when signs show up in one place, it indicates the need for attention somewhere else.
Mental/ Emotional Component
Anyone who has experienced loss, disappointment, or heartbreak knows that these are strong emotions that can be difficult to make peace with. Any stressful or involving tasks, experiences, or even relationships with people can create a heavy weight that affects our health. Additionally, our mindset plays a large role in how we feel, too. Those who hold personal strengths such as positive thinking, resilience, optimism, willpower, mindfulness, and a good mood tend to have better self-management tendencies, as shown in this study.
Has stress ever kept you up at night worrying about something? Maybe to the point where you developed a headache? That has happened to me more often than I’d like. Stress is often talked about as being a mental sickness but it can manifest physically, too.
Physical Component
The physical component is what often stands out to us first when there is something “wrong”. This could be pain that burns, aches, tingles, or has any sensation of discomfort or out of the ordinary. Tightness, stiffness, or general fatigue are also tell-tale signs of something being off in the body. For a long time, I dealt with wild gastrointestinal distress (and still do on-and-off) such as bloating, constipation, dysbiosis, abdominal pain, and even the development of food sensitivities/intolerances. Rashes, itchy skin, and allergies, are also very much tied to other imbalances in the body.
Sometimes it can very plainly be a case of an allergy where eating something will cause a severe reaction in the body. However, when symptoms, like the ones described above, seem to appear out of nowhere, then I can’t help but wonder where it’s coming from and how it started. The weight of mental and emotional burdens are enough to take a toll on physical health. Read more in-depth about my experiences here.
Spiritual Component
We cannot dismiss the very important component of spirituality. For many, religion or a practice that offers ways to make sense of our humanness proves to be helpful, especially during difficult times. I believe an established sense of spirituality helps us ground into our values, our heart-centered beliefs, and instill us with the power to be our own healer. This is a complex facet that can definitely take up a whole post on its own. However, just to clarify: we each determine our sense of spirituality. There are NO rules about how, when, or if we do something.
For those without a spiritual practice, simply honing in on values and mindfulness can be beneficial, too. That can be a bit more cerebral but it still helps to ignite awareness of the self and root into the inherent worthiness we each have. Beyond the facts, knowledge, and physical evidence, whatever ideas or beliefs we hold are going to be the thing that motivates us forward or keeps us from healing.
Years ago, healing is not a word I would have associated with myself in a long-term state. To me, healing was the 1 to 2 weeks it takes to get over a cold or the 6 months someone might require of physical therapy post-injury. I’ve even shared about my childhood arthritis and how remission seemed almost immediate. I’ve never had concerns linger around long enough for me to see how layered healing can really be.
Healing is a process.
It was a naïve way of thinking to believe that healing was a one-and-done situation. It was only through a variety of trials as an adult that I have explored different ways of being and different practices. Each one has taught me a lot about myself but some really led me astray in ways that I’m still unpacking today.
Just to name a few: when I got my first full-time job, I was exposed to working with others, learning what I value in work, falling in love, and stress like I’ve never experienced before all-in-one place. I over exercised my body into a state of amenorrhea and hormonal imbalance. There’s also the interesting facet of disordered eating and body image issues that I can’t remember establishing but nonetheless affected me in major ways.
So, when I realized how much any one of these events, or aspects of them, was affecting me, I had to seek out healing.
Check out my post on How to Recognize Dis-Ease for more explanation on what it means when something is affecting you. For me, often the desire for healing came from insomniatic thoughts keeping me up and crying at 12 am. Or spending too many evenings with a belly ache and a disgust for the way I would treat myself. A lot of the time, it came from me seeing someone I admire living FREELY and me really wanting to no longer be tied down to my burdens.
However, just because I made a decision in ONE moment, it didn’t mean I was relieved.
There is the initial stage of learning what’s wrong. I use the word “wrong” loosely here, only as a means to signify what is out of alignment for you. What happens after this has no pattern, guidebook, or timeline because it’s different for everyone. It is inevitable that I learned more about my relationship to my symptoms and why they existed in the time (days, months, and years) following the ah-ha moment when I realized what was out of alignment.
Sometimes it seemed obvious like, maybe I ate food that just doesn’t sit well with me. Yet, as my unique process of healing moved along, I realized there is a lot that I was doing to myself. It wasn’t necessarily some outside thing affecting me, in several cases I began to flip the script and see how I was affecting me.
The role of the self in healing:
They say that the first step in recovering is recognizing that you have a problem. Well, I knew very well that I had a problem but that didn’t always inspire action. I simultaneously held in my mind the desire to change my ways and the desire to cling to what was comfortable. The fear of “what if I’m unfixable?” or “what if I try something different and it doesn’t actually make me feel better?” plagued me and kept me oscillating between getting better and just being in a rut.
Oh yeah, the rut. There’s also the time I spent not actively trying to get better. When I thought I’d reached a good place with myself, I’d succumb to my old ways, thinking I could handle a swim. Instead of holding my head above water, I quickly sunk into the habits, discomfort, and thought processes that I thought were gone.
I didn’t know I was backpedaling until I was in the thick of the muck again. I do not admonish myself because this needed to happen once, twice, 38,420,950 times until I finally learned I don’t want this to keep happening! We are human beings that learn through patterns and establishing new ways of being requires commitment to try again. Healing isn’t about “getting it right”, it’s about being willing to learn your ways, anticipate possibilities, call yourself out on your BS, and be willing to start over many, many times.
To put it simply: healing is a process.
Healing may start out as a way to get rid of toxins, negative thoughts, bad habits, and pain. The healing that endures takes a more holistic approach of not just looking at the symptom but how that symptom arrived in the first place. The process of healing involves an ongoing journey of learning, connecting all aspects of health, and being open to adapting.
xo,
Melanie
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Disclaimer: any material shared on Mel Makes It Happen is based on personal experience of the author and meant to be used for educational purposes only. The information is not a replacement for medical care, therapy, or professional advice/treatment.
Part of what I aspire to show with Mel Makes It Happen is that you can be going through hardships and still pursue happiness. You can be struggling but still find moments that bring joy into your life. The ratio of the two is going to look different for everybody but I think including habits or practices that feel authentically you help diminish the discomfort. I want to inspire you to empower yourself and take care of yourself. If that means seeking out the help of healers so that you’re more able to enjoy your life then so be it.
Part of my story has been an ongoing trial of experimentation to tend to my TMJ Disorder and various chronic pain symptoms.
I’ve talked about my wisdom teeth removal surgery and how, not long after, I developed pain in my jaw–particularly along the temporomandibular joint (TMJ). I tried cupping and acupuncture, and got it to a manageable place, but the pain still came back. So I started looking for other options. I wanted to get to the root cause of my issue and fix it so that I wouldn’t have to keep going through this cycle of pain, treatment, temporary wellness, and then the same thing all over again.
It’s worth noting that I went to a dentist who advertises himself as an expert TMJ specialist to see if there was anything he could do for me. After taking x-rays and walking me through how my pain is coming from a misaligned jaw, thankfully, he had a solution via a $9,000+ device I could wear. Me, always thinking that there are multiple ways to solve a problem, decided to seek alternatives that would help with realignment of my jaw.
That’s what led me to give chiropractic care a try since it focuses on creating balance in the spine by working with the central nervous system.
NOTE: I know everyone is curious about what symptoms are worth getting treatment for and, while I can’t speak for your specific conditions, the range is very vast. Most people seek out care because of back-related issues but you could also get treatment from anything from headaches to trouble breathing. Here are just a few symptoms I was experiencing:
Sharp, stinging, burning pain
Tightness and discomfort moving
Tension in my neck, jaw, shoulders, and back
Build-up of pressure in neck, requiring “cracking”
In January when I started seeing my chiropractors (explained below), I was in pain from my face/jaw all the way down my neck, shoulders, and back. I even started cracking my neck which is something I’ve never done (or felt like I needed to do) in my life! The pain was major. My usual yoga practice and dousing myself in CBD balms weren’t enough to get me through a day. It felt like movement did more harm than good where pain was concerned, but not moving at all would make my body stiffen up and want to hunch over, as if I could curl into myself.
The clinic I’ve been getting treatment at has two chiropractors. Each of them are amazing in different ways and I tend to rotate between them for a slight change-up in effects. I’ve got to give major thanks to my chiropractors because I felt like a broken person when I started treatment and boyyy have I come a long way! That’s why I’m sharing my experience with you all today!
Me standing next to the x-ray machine at my chiropractic treatment clinic.
First appointment
I started off by filling out a quick form for insurance (this might be different if you seek care without insurance) on where my problem areas are and what sort of pain/tightness/stinging/etc it is that I feel. I rate my pain and what helps it, if anything. My initial consultation was a quick overview of my concerns and, typically, I think most people would get an x-ray done, too. My chiropractor opted not to do x-rays because she felt she understood where my pain was coming from, based on my description. So, we got right into a spinal adjustment that first day! Afterwards, the staff hooked me up with an ice pack which really helped ease the soreness that day and the next.
What a spinal adjustment feels like
If you’ve ever cracked your own neck (which I don’t personally recommend doing) then you know that it brings a small feeling of relief to that area. Imagine that throughout your spine. You often start by laying down on an adjustment table/bed. The chiropractor will have you turn on your back, sides, and front so that they can make sure your spine is in the best position for you. To do that, they press into different spots along your spine. They may need to contort your body slightly–not in a painful way–just to loosen up certain areas so they can reach the spine.
Adjustments don’t cause pain. In fact, they really don’t feel like anything. The most unnerving part, I feel, is just hearing all of the cracking sounds that your spine makes. The first couple of adjustments this would make me laugh because it was just so funny and strange to hear. Like: wow, is this all coming from me?! The best part is once the chiropractor is done and you sit or stand up, you immediately feel the “whoosh”. With the spine in balance, it feels like your body is a free-flowing river. There’s a fresh, almost cooling sensation that trickles down from your head to toes. (If you’ve ever had reiki done on you, it reminds me of that.)
Adjustment appointments are often around 5-15 minutes, so relatively quick! Post-care treatment after the initial appointments involves a cold compress the same day or as needed. It definitely depends on the severity of your issue but I felt a little sore post-adjustment during my first month and a half of treatment. It’s nothing outrageous or complicated that some dedicated ice pack time can’t help with.
Hopefully you can zoom in to read. This poster lists the array of symptoms correlating with different parts of the spine.
First month
I was on a twice-a-week adjustment schedule to tend to the layers of my pain. For me, I felt relief on outer layers: spots in pain as a result of other spots in pain. So, the outer layers, like my lower, mid, and upper back, were the first to feel relief. My shoulders, neck, and jaw weren’t neglected but the relief was just much less noticeable in these primary pain spots. The twice-weekly adjustments served to help reinforce the ideal alignment of my spine and, thus, give me faster healing results. On a personal note, I also started to consider the role that stress plays in my life and how I can reduce that so that I can lower/eliminate the tension in my body.
Months 2-4
As all of this beautiful healing is happening in my body, I started to wonder how I can maintain it–especially since I began going only once a week for adjustments (around the 4 week point). When I asked my chiropractor about exercise, I was told that it is okay and is encouraged because any movement done with a realigned spine helps to get your body used to that placement. I’m an avid exerciser and wanted to continue with the high intensity exercises I used to do before my pain was a problem. Silly me even started rebounding (jumping on a mini trampoline) at this time and that wrecked me!! It just caused my neck and shoulders to build up tension and sharp pains shot out to the surrounding areas on my body.
All of this to say, I was putting too much of a strain on my muscles as evidenced by the pain starting up again severely. As the outer layers ceased to be a problem, we could pinpoint specifically where my body still held pain. Much of my upper body was in knots and that delayed healing. I ended up getting a few therapeutic massages at the same chiropractic clinic to work out those kinks and that helped. As the knots diminished, there was less resistance in my body to chiropractic adjustments–i.e. I could get deeper and closer to the root of pain!
Months 4-6
Sometime around month 3 or 4 I end up getting x-rays done. These give a glimpse at characteristics of my spine, like a slightly forward angled neck area and a deeply curved lower back. My chiropractor, however, says the goal isn’t to achieve “the perfect spine” but to get it aligned in a way that best works with my body. A very holistic approach, which I love! So, given that frame of mind, I may have a tendency to develop pain/tension in my neck a bit more because of the angle it’s in. This knowledge isn’t to say chiropractic care isn’t going to help but it’s information I can use to be more cautious about the way I stand, sit, or carry myself to benefit my spine as best I can.
Given everything, I can see my posture is so much better. The pain I had in January that was crippling and made my body feel like it was hunching over is gone! Adjustment appointments are less “crack”-filled because my ways of moving on the day-to-day are generally the same and seem to keep my spine in position. However, the spine is still subject to disruption. I say that from experience after I had an incident where I was sleeping on an air mattress for 3 nights (instead of my comfortable mattress) and my back needed extra attention that following week at my appointment.
Where I’m at now
I’m now doing adjustments once every two weeks. The only places that pain remains is in my jaw and neck. It hardly impedes my daily life now but it is a process of maintenance. I take into consideration how I’m moving, sleeping, sitting, etc and try to support my spine with the best possible position. I still have a tendency to create stress in my body, which is what I’ve been trying to work on now. I know that the more I can reduce stress in my life, the more my body will slide into healing.
Cheers to at last getting some answers via x-rays!
I also have my own additional self-care that I’ve been doing for my TMJ Disorder specifically. Chiropractic care helps from the alignment aspect of the spine and the pressure it can cause on the central nervous system (if misaligned) but I feel it’s up to me now to take advantage of this cleaner slate, if you will. It’s a chance for me to commit to my own physical therapy type of exercises specific for my jaw pain in combination with implementing changes to relieve stress! How I’ve been taking notice of stressors and trying to eliminate those in my life can be a whole post on its own. Maybe that one’s next? We’ll see!
I hope you all enjoyed this post. If you’ve ever been curious about going to the chiropractor, perhaps this gives you insight into the slow but sustainable process that chiropractic care is. You don’t need to be in massive pain to go but even occasional back pain is worth getting checked out. You’ll likely feel the benefits soon off, too. I’ve had such a good experience and plan to keep up with my adjustments as long as possible.
Have your been to a chiropractor before? Let me know your thoughts or if you have any questions not addressed in this post and I’ll do my best to try to answer them.
Before we dive in, I want to mention that May is not only Mental Health Awareness Month but also National Arthritis Awareness Month. While mental health is something I am really passionate about now and need to creatively stay on top of it, arthritis is not as big a part of my current story. I am so fortunate to say that because I know that it is a painful, daily reality for many people. I don’t often talk about my own experience with arthritis because, according to my doctor, I outgrew it.
However, I’d be silly if I said that having arthritis did not impact my adolescence and the way I view health. Arthritis is thought of as a physical disease but I don’t see how you can have a physical illness and not also have that affect your overall well-being.
This is my experience with being diagnosed with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis* and how I no longer have it.
Spoiler alert: this isn’t a miracle story, nor do I have any special hacks or medications that I used for overcoming JRA.
Early years
I’ve always been a girl with a lot of energy just seeking ways to let it out. So, like many kids, my favorite outlet was playing outside. Whether that was freeze tag during recess at school, riding my bike, or running through my neighbors’ orchards. Anything and everything was fun to me!
Despite being a fun-loving kid, for as far back as I can remember, my childhood was plagued by knee pain. I’d employ my parents to rub Aspercreme on my knees and wrap them in a fabric gauze to keep them warm. My dad often spent weeknights massaging my knees to help soothe the pain I felt. I wasn’t falling off my bike or doing anything to obviously hurt my knees. So, my parents said it was likely growing pains. Growing pains that lasted for years and years….
The symptoms set in
Around age 11, my sister and I joined gymnastics together. I had been looking forward to this so much but a few months in my knees began to hurt. I had knee pain pretty often but it was always for short periods and a massage or some Aspercreme would alleviate it. Yet, this knee pain felt different and it wouldn’t go away. I considered that maybe I hurt myself in gymnastics and took several weeks off, but my knee pain only worsened.
To put this into perspective, I was wrapping up my final weeks in 6th grade when the pain started to kick up. As the hot days crawled, so did the pain in other parts of my body, too. My skin developed little red blotches, like an allergic reaction. Red, hot (but not itchy) spots covered my legs and thighs, my belly and back, my arms and neck, and face. With every joint inflamed, I felt miserable. I had no energy to see friends, pursue hobbies I used to love like drawing (my hands and wrists hurt), and walking up the stairs in my house felt like a mission. It’s so weird to think of that now but I pretty much spent the majority of that summer between 6th and 7th grade laying on the couch in pain.
I had to ask my mom about this next part because I couldn’t remember when I actually saw the doctor who would change everything. Basically, I had to go through a big run-around with the pediatrician, get bloodwork, then get his referral to other specialists who had their own blood panel to request. Finally, I got referred to the Rady’s Children’s Hospital and met with a few different doctors in white coats. Each were specialists in different fields; each had unique sets of questions for me. My parents were in the room, too, and filled in the blanks for anything I couldn’t piece together.
The specialists asked me questions about my health, habits, behaviors, symptoms, and more. From that discussion alone, it was still a mystery if I had leukemia, lupus, or cat scratch disease. It wasn’t until another specially-requested blood panel that I came out positive for JRA.
The rheumatologist took over from there and the action plan was treatment with medication to get the inflammation and pain under control fast. At this time, I should also mention it was the start of my 7th grade school year. Prior to me even seeing the specialists, I had to endure walking the halls of a new school feeling decrepit, barely able to carry my own weight. My mom had made arrangements with the school to give me a little extra time to get to class in case I had a hard time walking. My backpack was heavier than I could handle so I also had some classroom accommodations made. That way, I didn’t need to carry the giant textbooks to class. I honestly felt so embarrassed even though I had a condition.
I didn’t want to think of myself as sick even though my body was unfamiliar to me and in so much pain.
Treatment hurdles and victories
Despite all this, it didn’t take long for the medication to work it’s magic. If I remember correctly, I was on prescription prednisone (steroids) and high-dose naproxen (pain killer) for several months. After my body stopped feeling like an inflammatory war zone, my doctor introduced me to methotrexate, a DMARD. DMARDs, disease-modifying anti-rheumatic drugs, are basically the non-steroidal answer to arthritis treatment because they help bring down inflammation, pain, and swelling, but also treat the actual arthritis-affected joints by slowing down their deterioration, according to WebMD.
The time I was on steroids seemed like the longest ever–I was in a transitional age and felt like all eyes were on me. I also felt additionally uncomfortable in my own body because I was gaining weight (side effect of the steroids). I was at the highest weight I’ve ever been at that time but at least I wasn’t in pain. So, by the time my body got settled on methotrexate, and I eased off the steroids, the worst was behind me. My pain stayed gone, methotrexate seemed to work without negative side effects. Some days required an extra naproxen pill on top of the methotrexate I took morning and night, but, otherwise, things were pretty smooth sailing.
The coolest part, now that I look back, was watching how I started on 7 little methotrexate pills daily and over the years was able to drop them down bit by bit. A time or two I would work with my doctor to try dropping down the amounts and my body would flair up. It wasn’t until I was a senior in high school, around 2011, that I finally got cleared of JRA.
I had reduced my medication successfully and symptoms no longer persisted.
I am so thankful for the amazing pediatric rheumatologist that I had treating me. He was patient, insightful, and helped me so much. Admittedly, he offered consistent suggestions to do things like pick up a sport or physical activity and that would help my joints all the more. The teen girl in me ignored the advice but, in later time, I’ve seen how implementing exercise helps maintain fluidity in my body, reduce stiffness, and lower inflammation. That being said, there is still one frustrating aspect about western medicine in that I never found out the root cause. Way before I ever got the chronic pain I did in the 6th grade, I was having knee pain most days out of the week. Were those early signs of arthritis? Even my rheumatologist could only say, perhaps.
While I was “in remission”, I was also concerned about symptoms coming back. There is a possibility of individuals who have Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis developing other forms of arthritis as an adult. However, it is also quite possible to not have arthritis symptoms come back at all.
Years after all of that I acquired an interest in health and went on to study nutrition through IIN. Some of the takeaways I got from there made me wonder if diet and lifestyle habits could have influenced my development of JRA. It’s hard to say. Even I especially cannot say that certain things were healthy or unhealthy because that is so individual. Yet, perhaps there are genetic predispositions and certain lifestyle habits will flick on those symptoms like a light switch. All I can do is take the best care of my body that I can now and give thanks for the amazing doctor and treatment options I had available to me at the time.
I only had arthritis for about eight years in my youth but many people of ALL ages suffer from arthritis. I’m awaiting more discoveries in the field of arthritis and hopefully increased research about holistic treatments to help the millions of people dealing with arthritis today.
*While I had arthritis, it was labeled as Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis but in later years the terminology changed to Juvenile Idiopathic Arthritis. I use JRA for consistency and time-relevancy throughout this post.
Self-image only matters to one person. By that, I mean that self-image is purely one person’s own perception of the way they carry themselves. With May being Mental Health Month, I think it’s important to address the very real fact that the health of our mind influences the health of our body.
In my experience, I have been in situations where talking about mental self-work (be that therapy, journaling, or any sort of practice to help tend to your thoughts and beliefs) feels superior to physicalities. As if it doesn’t matter what we look like on the outside as long as our head is in good shape. Respectively, mental health is so important but I don’t think we need to dismiss our physical bodies either. Our bodies aren’t just the vehicle we use to talk, walk, and interact with the world, they are a physical manifestation of how we feel about ourselves on the inside.
Some more “intellectual” folks may snub those who care about appearances as if it is all vanity. Both the mind and the body are beautiful though. Bodily features like the size, shape, color, or any physical attributes are part of the beautiful unique masterpiece that is your body. The mind for what it can create and the body for how it allows us to present ourselves and engage with the world.
There is a mind-body connection when it comes to self-image and one helps the other. The way I see it, if our mind feels stable and peaceful, then we are able to look at our bodies through that same lens.
It’s a complex case to describe how to achieve mental peace, and it’s a case that will mean something different for everyone, but I think a big part of that is taking ownership of yourself and being true to you.
When I was growing up, I was constantly looking at myself in terms of lack. I’d feel ashamed that I didn’t have something, maybe I had less money than someone else, or I wasn’t as smart in a subject area compared to my peers. I also suffered from bouts of depression and hopelessness more times than I could count. In my young mind, I felt that all eyes were on me and everyone knew I wasn’t capable or as well-off as I wished I was.
When everything around me seemed so dreadful, I began focusing on my physical features. I couldn’t “change” how smart I was but I could put on make up to make me look prettier or wear black clothing to hide myself. I got nit-picky about everything from the moles on my skin to the size of my thighs. It was innocent banter but my girlfriends used to joke about the size of their thighs and I thought: well, I might not have much but I do have the smallest thighs out of all of us. It’s sickening to think back on that.
Yet, when all else seemed to suck, I needed to create my own merits for success–and that’s why I’m here now: to talk about ways to value yourself mentally and physically.
I have picked up a strategy that I use to improve my feelings of well-being and I see how employing it helps me in many aspects of my life.
So, remember earlier when I said I’d compare myself to my peers and some were smarter in certain subjects than I was? Here’s the thing: we’re all smart in something. We all have unique skills, talents, and strengths. Focusing on those over the shortcomings is how you can feel better about yourself.
When you spend time cultivating a skill or learning about something, you feel pretty empowered afterwards, right? Not everyone has this information but you do. For example, maybe you picked up a sport and after falling flat on your face a couple of times, you began to improve your posture and established some better techniques. You might now be at some professional athlete’s levels (or maybe you are!) but that doesn’t mean you aren’t good and don’t have skills!
The point I’m trying to get at here is that spending time with yourself and cultivating the relationship to your inner self is what gets you out of the mental ruts that impact your view of your body and all areas of your life. You don’t have time to worry about cellulite if you can launch a massive kick into a soccer ball that sends it flying 50 feet away. Okay, can you tell I know nothing about soccer? I think the biggest thing you can do for yourself is pick yourself up!
It’s great when friends or family or people you admire tell you you’re great but that isn’t everything.
At the end of the day it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. It won’t matter if everyone in the world likes you, if you don’t like you.
The body and mind connection cannot be ignored. Unfortunately, just attending to our physical bodies cannot get us very deep in terms of improvement in self-image. We cannot neglect the underlying thoughts, beliefs, and feelings present in our mind. Yet, a stronger place of mental ability–or perceived ability–we feel more capable of tackling other problems, tasks, and ventures. Thus, we can see our body with a renewed frame of appreciation. Maybe even be more apt to make a list of 10 things you appreciate about it instead of 10 things you hate about it.
When you are driven by an internal sense of validation, mental purpose, and ability, you will find that your body is just as brave, strong, and empowered as your mind.
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