I hope you all are well and staying safe. I’ve been laying low myself and have come to a comfortable place with the whole stay-at-home situation. For a while I was going stir-crazy but that was before I realized the potential for self-work and growth that this time offers.
There are a ton of lists and videos floating around for things you can do during self-quarantine to help the time pass. I’ve seen them and you’ve probably seen them. However, I don’t want to ask you to go watch Netflix shows for the next few weeks just because you’re staying home. I love Netflix as much as the next person but I hope to enlighten you with some different ways you can make the most of your time in self-quarantine.
This is a list of some of my favorite things to do during self-quarantine to tend to my body, mind, and spirit.
Learn a new skill
Everyone on the interweb is telling you to take up knitting and painting but pick up a skill you like. I’m personally drawn toward creative projects but skills can also be more educational. You can find TONS of tutorials on YouTube for how to fix broken appliances, construction projects using extra plywood you have laying around, or how to use QuickBooks! Yes, you can learn skills to improve your financial organization (do your own taxes!), start an online business, even how to code or do data entry. There is a lot of FREE information available, which is what I’d encourage you to utilize first before buying anything; it just requires a little digging–but, hey, you have time, remember?
Dive into self-work
I know I’m not the only one who had a minor (or major) freak out when businesses started shutting down, news reports of people contracting the virus showered TV and online media sites, or when the government released mandates to stay home. It’s important to be informed but what helped me, and what has helped me for a while now, is turning my fears inside out. After a moment of panic, I try to regain my footing and ask myself why something is freaking me out. Why am I afraid?
One fear is usually attached to another fear. So, if you can take yourself down that rabbit hole, you can get to the bottom of things and create new belief systems. When you engage in self-work, you can use fears as an opportunity to see where you’re unintentionally keeping yourself small or where you’re repeating patterns not serving you. This is honestly a topic that needs more than one tiny paragraph to do it justice but, if your interest is piqued, I’ll direct you to some of my favorite resources to get your feet wet.
Oh, movement, how I adore you. In my earliest days of dabbling with self-care, movement was my way to feel good. Move your body and, naturally, you will flush out stagnant energy and find a new flow. Contrary to what anyone might tell you, there is no “better” or “worse” form of exercise. The best kind of exercise is the one you’re going to enjoy doing. If you don’t have any movement routine at the moment, or if your current one ever feels like a chore, then change it up. You don’t have to be married to ONE form of movement.
In fact, every form of exercise has its own health and mood-boosting powers. The reason for that is because when you get movement in, you take your mind off of stressors or anything else going on. You’re focusing on the activity you’re engaged in, balance, strategy, and potential (i.e. that’s why it’s important to rotate exercises or attempt more advanced movements when they no longer challenge you). So, I think you’ll follow when I say movement challenges your body and your mind. And that post-workout high you get? I’d say that’s your spirit being lifted.
Deepen your faith
Do you have a spiritual practice? Spirituality is our way as humans to explain the happenings of the world and give us purpose. It is once I developed my sense of spirituality that I was able to see myself as more than just a hamster on a wheel (going nowhere). If you’ve ever been told, “things just happen” or “that’s just the way it is”, you’ll know that is not at all comforting. An effective spiritual practice piques thought, proposes reasons for why we go through things in life, and offers possibilities for how to navigate them.
My sense of spirituality isn’t just tied to religion, churches, and prayer but if that resonates with you then keep at it. Deepen your practice, read the scriptures, and have discussions. Additionally, I think talking about our beliefs with a community that is open and receptive is one very important component to spirituality. I have found my like-minded community through podcasts I listen to and online groups on Facebook. Don’t ever feel like you’re an oddball in terms of beliefs–there is a community for everything, you just need to go out there and find it.
Seek out expanding media
This is still bouncing off the topic of spirituality but hear me out. I think a big influence on our belief system is the media we choose to consume. The shows you watch and the things you hear are reinforcing certain ideas. Are those ideas benefiting you? Many times, we don’t realize how ingrained our belief systems are until something comes forward to question it.
Start by finding a resource that speaks to you in an area that interests you. This can be a book, a blog, a podcast, a movie, or anything that piques your interest. Maybe you’re a singer and you’d like to start playing shows live; so, watch some documentaries on singers you admire. If you’re a woman who wants to travel alone but isn’t sure how, try reading the accounts of other women who have done the same. Consuming media in this way is a safe method to explore a subject you’re interested in without any commitments.
Cook something new
Ohhh yesss. If you’re typically an eat-out-at-restaurants kind of person then staying home presents an added challenge–but a fun one! For anyone completely new to cooking at home, my biggest tip is to try recreating a dish that you like ordering out. Cooking, like movement, is a lot more fun when you’re eating/doing something you like.
Those who know their way around a mixing bowl (my first kitchen experimentation was through baking before moving into cooking) but don’t often use a grill might want to try cooking something new. I know cooking can simply be a form of fuel for some and they’re pleased enough with a sandwich but, if we’re talking about learning new skills, it feels really empowering when you can make whatever it is you’re craving with confidence.
It might seem really obvious but staying at home provides a great time to bond with your family or housemates. You all are forced to see each other a little more than usual now and perhaps that has caused some head-butting. I know it has been a little tense in my house! However, talk it out and reconnect with them. Express your intentions and open up the channels for communication. That will make spending isolated time with each other much easier.
Tend to your yard and garden
Those of us who live in a traditional house can use this time to cultivate a visually attractive yard or patio. Trim any askew tree branches, dedicate a spot of land to create a compost, or re-purpose some fresh branches to grow another plant–a no-cost way to get more plants without buying more. If you have packets of seeds, then now is the perfect moment to plant flowers, veggies, or other plants to liven up your yard.
If you’re in an apartment, you can also liven up your space by sweeping the steps, clearing your patio of clutter, and creating a potted plant arrangement.
Relax & Release
Ironically, those of us who have a little more time on our hands might be the most stressed of all! It’s understandable to feel confused and even scared but holding onto such strong emotions can really weigh on you. Movement is one way to ease negative emotions out but also including practices that remind you that you are safe. I like taking a walk, drinking some warm tea while sitting outdoors, or singing aloud to my favorite songs. Let’s also give a special mention to baths because they are so helpful to warm up our muscles and release stored tension in our bodies.
If you’re staying home, this is the perfect time to sort through any closets, under the bed, or any places of storage. Years and years will pass where we just keep holding onto clothes that don’t fit us, obsolete paperwork, or knick-knacks that a friend brought back from their Cancun vacation. I’m not saying you have to get rid of anything but, going through all the corners of your home might reveal some stuff you haven’t looked at in years. When you create space, you make room for new energy, new products, and new opportunities that better align with who you are today (not the you from 10 years ago that saved that stuff).
Let’s also take a moment to give special mention to clearing out social media, email, and online storage. I know you’ve probably got tons of accounts you don’t even know you’re following on social media. Weed them out and you’ll get a feed more customized to what you want. And, instead of paying for additional storage, make use of free services like Dropbox and Google Drive–just stop clouding them up with assignments from college and photos from high school. You know who you are.
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To be honest, many of the items on this list aren’t too different from things I enjoy doing on a regular basis. The only difference now for myself, and probably for many of you, is the amount of time you have on your hands. Some of these things might not directly seem like they impact your mind, body, and spirit but it’s little actions that add to your overall peace and sense of well-being.
I know baths are on every self-care list out there but that is for good reason. There is a hugely therapeutic element to taking a bath. In a society that encourages us to do, do, do all of the time, it can be hard to hang out in still water for 20 minutes or more. You can bring a calming music playlist, a book, or some toys with you into the bathtub. Yes, you read that right! There’s also no need to feel like a fish in a bowl of hot water. Add bath salts to the water, tea bags, flower petals, herbs, or essential oils.
When I take a bath, it is an opportunity to release tightness in my body and relax. It’s not an everyday thing but I try to honor those cravings when I feel them because it means my spirit is in need of a little TLC (or I’m just sore after a workout). If I don’t have time for a full on bath, I like to also just soak my feet in hot water. You can fill up a basin or sit on your bathroom counter top, if you’re lazy like me.
Our feet are a huge place of stored tension and energy so it’s important to tend to them. You can add a sprinkle of the mustard bath (recipe below) to your foot soak, too! A few minutes, or however long feels good to you, will work wonders for relieving stress and helping you feel revived.
I like to follow up both of these with a self-administered foot massage and lots of lotion!
Okay, let’s move on to the recipe. I bet half the people who clicked over here thought I was talking about squeezing French’s mustard all over myself but nooo. Save that for your hot dogs. For this bath soak, you’ll need dry mustard powder. You can find this in the spice section of most grocery stores or order online for a better price in bulk!
I pulled inspiration from Ayurveda but many cultures have traditionally used mustard baths as a way to heal from sickness by drawing toxins out of the body with the spices, salts, and hot water. It can also be used for body aches and pains. You’re going to sweat a lot but that’s where the healing takes place!
If you happen to be more of a buy than a DIY person, Dr. Singha’s makes the original mustard bath soak which you can find here.
DIY Mustard Bath Soak Recipe
1 cup Epsom salt*
1/2 cup sea salt
1/3 cup organic mustard seed powder
1/4 cup baking soda
1 Tbsp. organic ginger root powder
1 tsp. organic cinnamon powder
20 drops of essential oils like lavender, eucalyptus, rosemary, and clove*
Instructions:
In a large jar, add everything from the Epsom salt to the essential oils. Tightly seal the lid and shake to combine all ingredients.
To Use:
As you fill your bathtub, add 1/3 – 1/2 cup of soak mix to the water. If soaking only your feet, opt for 1 heaped tbsp and add to very warm water.
Soak for 15 to 20 minutes. You’ll likely feel your body heat up but this is natural. This is how the toxins come out. If you experience discomfort, soak for less time. A longer soak is not recommended.
Afterwards, rinse yourself and the tub (to prevent stains) and be sure to drink plenty of water to avoid dehydration.
NOTE:
*If your Epsom salt is enhanced with essential oils already, you could skip the essential oils or reduce for your liking.
Over the past three years, I’ve opened up to the reality that many behaviors I thought were healthy are quite the opposite. I’ve talked about this before on the blog but I thought it was worth coming back to so that we can explore what happens after becoming aware of disordered eating behaviors.
The thing I wasn’t prepared for was the way the disordered eating mindset and behaviors transcend over time.
*Before we go any further, I want to lead with the disclaimer that I am not a licensed therapist or clinical psychologist so everything that I talk about here on this blog is purely anecdotal. I always encourage doing your own research and seeking professional help when in doubt.*
For anyone not coming from a disordered eating background, the thought you have might be: why would anyone want to put so many restrictions around food and how to eat? To put the answer plainly: any form of disordered eating is done as a method to obtain control.
It can occur when triggering things occur outside of you, or with other aspects of your life, and you turn to food because that can be controlled. Believe it or not, disordered eating has very little to do with the cliched media perpetuation of a teenager just becoming concerned with their body image. When our bodies grow and change, that can concern but it has more to do with the ideas ingrained in us about what the size of our bodies means and what restricting our food intake can offer us.
Christy Harrison, an Intuitive Eating Dietitian, calls diet culture “the life thief”. All of the time that we spend on planning what to eat, when to eat, how to eat, how much to eat, and more, we could be spending on other things in life that could bring us joy. With all of the time we spend in the arena of food and restriction, we could use that time for hobbies, career, connection, and fulfillment in ways we have yet to discover.
Anyone can be a victim to diet culture mentality but if you have disordered eating habits running your life, then that’s how life starts to feel depressing.
My disordered eating habits offered me:
Structure
Rules
Systems
Meal plans or guidelines
Community
Most importantly: control
Yet, if restricting food offered me control, letting go of the rules gave me freedom.
Freedom from disordered eating, in my eyes, involves:
No guilt
Patience
Ease
More time
Connection
Gratitude
Peaceful surrender
I’ve seen some others on Instagram talk about finding food freedom post-ED (eating disorder) life and now being able to enjoy eating all the foods they never thought they could eat before. Usually they have a pretty, sparkly photo of them standing in an empowered pose or at a restaurant, smiling with their plate of food. It’s a really cool motivational clip from the film reel of their life. Naively, I thought that all it took was eating one of my “forbidden foods” and I’d be healed! That would allow me to renounce my restrictive ways, pass go, collect $200, and be off taking photos of myself smiling in a bikini and biting into a huge burger. I’m not making this stuff up; these are actual photos I’ve seen on Instagram!
Really, though, recovering isn’t just one moment. It is days and weeks and months of re-framing your beliefs about food.
I’m still very much in that process. I had been restricting for a long while but I finally opened up to the desire to surrender to the needs of my body. I was ready for peace to set in because I truly wanted to ditch the diet culture and all of their groupies. What did this miraculous moment look like?
So I first inched into this “freedom” territory by allowing myself as much healthy food as I wanted to eat. If I eat nothing but nutrient-rich food so why measure out my servings of quinoa, right? Right but also wrong. I was still organizing food into categories as if there is good and bad food. This had to stop if I was ever really going to find food freedom.
Remember the days and weeks and months I mentioned? Yeah, insert those here! I took time to work through my beliefs and ask myself why I valued certain foods above others. Then, I was able to conclude that I needed to also allow myself to eat foods that weren’t traditionally “healthy” in my book.
The true healing happens when you are willing to rebel against what you think you know. Only then are you able to see the expansiveness of the other side–of freedom.
Something I wasn’t prepared for in recovery was the amount of food I would want to eat.
It’s almost as if my body wanted to make up for all of the time I spent holding back on food. I had restricted myself, not just by omitting certain foods but, by labeling foods as good or bad. So, once I decided not to label food, I kind of just wanted to eat everything…and as fun as it sounds in theory, it was very uncomfortable to deal with.
I felt excited to have food freedom but, still, in the back of my mind, I couldn’t help but wonder: what will happen to my body?
If you like this content, also check out the episode of the Make It Happen Podcast: Living A Bigger Fuller Life with Melanie Le Blanc Sturgeon.
I think our bodies are beautiful systems that know what to do naturally. Just the same way we see a cut on our finger bleeds but, given a few hours, slowly starts to seal and heal on its own–so, too, can our bodies. Many processes are occurring inside of our bodies at any given moment. There are processes that help keep oxygen coming into our lungs, blood flowing through our veins, and our brains able to interpret this writing on a screen as information you can understand.
When we go too long without eating, our bodies seek an equilibrium.
It might seem scary when you catch yourself grabbing seconds, eating higher-calorie foods, or finishing your restaurant plate instead of saving half to take home. Where is the Disordered Eaters Recovery Squad to come be my cheer-leading team as I maneuver through so many new situations? (I don’t know if such a thing exists but if you can find a solid support group then that would be the next best thing!)
In the deprivation days, food was the enemy. During the days of uncertainty, food became a friend.
I knew I wanted to eat and I knew I had to allow that for my body to get back to a state of safety that it once knew–a balance.
Everyone’s journey looks different but, for me, this is where I thought I had healed but now realize I only shed a layer. I thought as long as I wasn’t undereating, I was fine. However, I started to turn to food for comfort. Naturally, for so long, food was a pleasure I didn’t allow myself to have. My body, now thankful to eat, also deemed food a scarcity. It’s okay to reach for food out of pleasure but I’m now getting into deeper layers and asking myself why I feel this way.
The steps everyone goes through are likely different, and so is the time frame, which I only say to discourage anyone from comparing. Our journeys are incomparable because each one of us has our own beliefs and issues and circumstances to work through.
Essentially, the purpose of me writing this post today is just to put it out there that habits don’t just die all at once. No matter what anyone says, healing comes in layers.
It wasn’t until this past year that I woke up to how much I have been relying on food. I have treated it as something greater and higher than me instead of just something to satisfy my belly and give me fuel. This is the part of my healing that I am actively working through. It’s more challenging than anything I’ve faced because it’s also something that has affected me longer than I realized. I have to remind daily myself that I am okay. I am safe. Food is delicious but it isn’t everything–and it certainly isn’t a reflection of my worth as a person. I can see that now.
I’m ever-curious to test out different techniques and tinker with aspects of my lifestyle to improve my health. Most recently, I’ve been trying to bring inflammation levels down and improve my digestion. I am rather prone to stress and the littlest things raise my cortisol levels. So, I felt like I needed to take things up a notch and bring a better balance to the way I’ve been eating. Thus, I decided to give The Balanced Blonde’s, aka Jordan Younger’s, Plant Based Recipe Book and 22 Day Detox a try.
Today’s post is a review of The Balanced Blonde’s Plant Based Recipe E-book and my experience with the 22 Day Detox.
The e-book is a compilation of SOS-free, plant-based, vegan-friendly recipes that have helped her in her healing journey from Lyme Disease and a whole host of various symptoms like: inflammation, eczema, acne, bloating, IBS, and so forth. The recipes are so simple that it is almost a little silly calling some of the recipes “recipes” but when you’ve over-complicated the way you think you should be eating, recipes for easy meals are very fitting.
Just to give you all a little more information on the e-book, Jordan includes her tips for detoxing from chronic infections both food and non-food related, offers suggestions for dealing with detox symptoms, anecdotes about her experiences with spiritual healing and emotional eating, tips for dining out, and food-combining. Oh, and of course, explanations on SOS-free which stands for Salt, Oil, and Sugar-Free. So, the recipes in her e-book are all salt-oil-sugar-free and are adaptable for food combining.
All Vegan Mac & Cheese (with chopped broccoli) from Jordan Younger’s Plant Based Ebook.
Disclaimer: I am a huge fan of The Balanced Blonde and her Soul on Fire Podcast. I adore Jordan and relate to her in many different ways so this post is not a personal attack on her but a review of the plant based e-book and 22 day detox for anyone who may have heard of it or be interested in purchasing it and wants to know a little more.
If this is your first time here on my blog, let me give you a little background info about me:
It’s important to note that I’ve had disordered eating tendencies in the past so I hesitated before buying her e-book. I’m already primarily plant-based but do include some processed/packaged food items like protein bars, dairy-free store-bought cheese, tortilla chips, and kombucha. I knew those items needed to go but what seemed really intense was the thought of cutting out salt and oil. I have done sugar detoxes in the past and like to do them at least once a year to re-calibrate my taste buds. I know I have sensitive blood sugar levels and that makes my heart go from calm to racing from one moment to the next. This is just a physical representation of what is happening in my body–i.e. my cortisol levels levels spike. Basically, sugar is already limited in my diet because it has to be so I can minimize experiences like what I just described. I do however use a lot of pink Himalayan sea salt and cook with coconut/avocado/olive oil fairly often. So, I sought out Jordan’s book with optimism that a more plant-centric way of eating would help alleviate my concerns mentioned earlier.
My experience with the 22 Day Detox program part of the e-book:
I tried to follow Jordan’s advice for 22 days of SOS-free, properly combined, plant-based meals. During the first few days, I missed the salt for sure! I missed a drizzle of olive oil over my salads, and the taste of roasted vegetables just wasn’t quite the same without either of the two. By day 4, I’d say the worst was behind me and my taste buds were adapting. I was also committed so I found creative ways to make food tasty for me–usually that involved lots of lemon juice!
I felt like my digestion improved pretty soon after starting this way of eating. I liked the way each of her recipes used a LOT of plants so I was really loading up on the good stuff here. My appetite fluctuated before based on what I’d eat but Jordan’s method of structuring meals light to heavy seemed to work well…for a while.
A swiss chard leaf wrap with tofu, cabbage, romaine, tomato, avocado, cilantro, carrot, and a coconut aminos-lemon dressing. Not in the e-book but very inspired by the plant-forward recipes!
I enjoyed starting my day with fruit or a smoothie, like she does, but I can’t handle the amount of bananas or fruit she eats. I get brain fog an hour or two after eating too much sugar. Even if it’s natural from fruit, it just feels like too much for my system all at once. I love fruit but each day I felt like I was riding off of sugar until lunchtime rolled around so that wasn’t fun. I was also making her SOS-free desserts at first before I realized this was WAY too much sugar for me in a day so I cut those out.
Jordan says that once you get into a flow with SOS-free food, you’re not driven by cravings and it is easy to make no-fuss simple meals to eat for nourishment. I can see that but I also started to dread meal times. I felt bored with steamed broccoli and sweet potato over salad and just wanted to eat to fuel myself and be over with it. In some ways, this was great because it was breaking my emotional attachment to food.
What threw a wrench in my plans was the salt cravings that stirred up around Day 13. I got serious cravings for some salty tortilla chips and I tried to just eat my regular SOS-free meal but the craving would not go away. The next day, the craving for something salty persisted: chips, crackers, even some carbonated water would have been great at this time! On Day 15 I woke up feeling dehydrated and not even wanting to eat breakfast because of how drying food would feel in my mouth. It is on this same day that I write this review, after having enjoyed some Simple Mills sea salt crackers (PRAISE up that I had these in my pantry)! Now that I think of it, I was also feeling incredibly lethargic on the 13th and had trouble concentrating and that just continued all these days. I felt weak and super deprived and, knowing my past, I didn’t want to force myself to stick with something and disregard my best interest. In case you’re thinking something else could’ve been to blame for my low energy, that is possible but the dehydration was a dead giveaway that I needed something more so I decided to honor my body.
I’ll describe my takeaways at the end of this post but now I’ll review the e-book itself:
The anecdotal part of her e-book is very nice to read and her stories shine right off the pages. But this is a recipe book, so that’s what everyone is curious about, right? From the get-go, Jordan advocates for SOS-free, plant-based, and food combining as much as possible. I won’t dive into the details about what each of those terms means in this post, but I found some of the recipes conflicting in the food-combining aspect and deceiving in the SOS-free aspect.
TBB Go-To Everyday Salad, followed by her All Vegan Mac & Cheese.
From a purely critical standpoint, she uses a lot of nuts/seeds (cashews and tahini in particular) in almost every recipe. The nut-based dressings and dips technically do not combine with starches yet she pairs them with potatoes, legumes, or gluten-free pastas. There are also some smoothies that call for coconut milk in combination with fruit (which is meant to be eaten alone per food combining principles). You can be as strict with this as you want, of course, but I think this should be more consistent.
The SOS-free aspect also surprised me because a recipe or two calls for some special Bio-Salt and ingredients like salt-free mustard. Sorry, but these aren’t really accessible for the average person. (I tried searching online and couldn’t even find a salt-free mustard anywhere). For anyone who thinks oil and fat are the same thing, they are not. The recipes in the e-book do involve nuts, seeds, and avocado which are all delicious, and whole food forms of plant-based fats. I think they are used a little excessively, as I mentioned earlier. Lastly, the sugar-free aspect. Jordan explains that sugar-free does not mean no sugar at all. She believes natural sweetness from fruit is perfectly fine. Though, she makes a number of recipes that call for the addition of maple syrup and, to me, that’s an added sweetener.
The desserts are meant to be sweet, but they are mostly raw and very date and nut-heavy. I did forget to mention that aspect earlier–many of the recipes are raw. I’d say over half of the recipes in the cookbook are raw or involve raw, uncooked ingredients. This isn’t bad but it might take some getting used to if you are used to cooked foods. I feel like I haven’t shown the most positive experience but I do want to mention some recipes that I think are pretty stellar in her cookbook!
Iconic Green Warrior Smoothie
The Balanced Blonde Go-To Everyday Salad
Buddha Bowl
SOS-Free Pad Thai
I can recognize that all of the recipes in her book are ones she has felt good eating but they don’t always align with the food combining principles that she touts in the guidelines. The same with the SOS-free guidelines. I think my needs are specific and did not align quite as well with the recipes Jordan enjoys but for someone who is coming off of a Standard American Diet, transitioning off of processed food, or simply looking to eat more whole, plant-based foods, this recipe book would be great for you.
Jordans SOS-free Pad Thai with tofu on top.
This was an interesting challenge for myself and made me conscious of how much salt and oil, in particular, I use on a daily basis in my food. I feel I can eat many of the same planty meals salt-free and oil-free with ease. Yet, the inflammation aspect that I sought to alleviate with this way of eating did not change. Understandably, I only went 2 weeks instead of the full 22 days but I already ate a very plant-filled diet so I don’t think that changed much. What I do notice a difference in is how I don’t need as much oil as I thought I did. My body feels lighter and less congested without the oil so, moving forward, I’ll seek to keep oil to a minimum. When I did follow food combining principles, that also helped my digestion out so much. It’s hard to stick with (I’ve tried it before) but this detox reminded me how good my stomach feels when I don’t bombard it with tons of food groups.
Major praise to Jordan for putting out the e-book to do her part in helping people align them with their healthiest selves in the best way she knows how. I believe in the power of plants but there are also different ways to incorporate them for everybody so I hope this post proves informative and encourages you to find what works for you. If you want to share your thoughts, feel free to sound off in the comments below!
At this time last year, I was clutching onto the hope of a better future as the sole motivating force to move me forward.
I don’t mean to speak lightly of this but, for the first time in my life, I was having suicidal thoughts. New Year’s Eve 2018 was the culmination of all the feelings of everything that “went wrong” over the course of the year. The future was, blissfully, painted in my mind as a hard-to-imagine dream of a better life.
Yet, that was enough to propel me into 2019 but this year I had a lot of healing to do: starting with all of the baggage I brought with me from 2018.
Before diving into that, I’ll just mention that it’s been a while since I’ve written for my blog. I’ve applied my energy to different places like my podcast, and also shared my heart on Instagram a lot more. You can read or watch some of that journey on recent posts or this IGTV story.
Anyway, in 2018, I dealt with being taken advantage of in different ways: under-appreciation in my workplace, belittling and passive-aggressive attacks from my boss, overextending myself in a relationship that I saw more into than he did. Plus, this was when my chronic health issues began popping up because HELLO, STRESS was at an all-time high.
When I came out of all of that (let go from the job, relationship ended, unemployed for months), I felt defeated–as though I had lost everything. If I look at it now, and even at the time, the situation sucked but a part of me felt I was deserving of better. What exactly? I didn’t know. I knew I wanted better but I didn’t know if that was possible.
So, 2019 brought a lot of much-needed self-work. Some deep subconscious digging to reveal my wounds and unleash underlying trauma. I learned where I gave too much and tested when it is okay to let go. I exercised putting boundaries in place, after being in far too many uncomfortable situations, and discovered where I’m selling myself short. I won’t say this has all been easy (MONTHS of work here) but it has all been monumental for defining a sense of worth and love for myself.
The remaining issue at the moment feels like the hardest thing to manage: my chronic health problems. These fluctuated throughout the year, increasing and transcending into more nuanced concerns as I focused on them.
However, I now see a direct correlation to the issues I was having and my sense of self.
The pain, aches, tightness, and discomfort were FEAR that I had developed a close relationship with. I let fear turn into a security blanket because I knew growing would be uncomfortable and I wasn’t ready to face it. At least staying “here” in what I’m used to is, well, a discomfort I am well-acquainted with. A little SICK, I know. “I don’t have anything if I don’t have my health,” I’d say. So, to match with the areas I felt small in life, I created worries about my own physical body to keep me out of vibrant health. And thus the dedicated health-obsessed me will stop at nothing to solve the ailments! Although, really, I did not need to look far because the solution was in me. Dissatisfaction in life turned into dissatisfaction in my body. Fully self-created. Again, because this is an area (a pain) I could control.
My sense of self has returned this past month–and brighter than ever. I recognize the story I was creating for myself; I hope in doing so, I’ve cracked the code on healing the residual issues I had left to heal. Then, I can focus on other stuff. ACTUALLY moving forward the way I want. LIVING LIFE. GOING ON ADVENTURES. CREATING ART. Yeah, there’s a lot I want to do!
The proudest moments for me are not just what I’ve done but, more importantly, how I’ve grown. And my, oh my, have I done a lot of growing in 2019.
Now is the time to pull all of the knowledge and advice acquired from teachers in their many forms (friends, podcast guests, social media influencers, etc.) to recite my biggest lessons from 2019:
Let go of the idea that things could’ve gone any differently.
If there is something you can change, ponder over it, see what you can do, but if not, there is no sense dwelling on it. The past is in the past. (see more)
Life is beautiful if you allow it to be.
Every experience has led up to this point now. You just make the most of the cards you’re dealt.
The biggest fallacy is that anyone has or will ever have it all figured out. Everyone is at a different place in their life, each with their own struggles and strengths. They’re all just trying their best but you can’t compare one person’s journey to another’s.
There is something to appreciate in every moment.
“When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it.” – The Alchemist
You cannot control others’ perception of you. All you can do is focus on being the bestyou that you can be.
Someone else can’t “make you” feel anything.
“If it feels like it’s you versus the world, chances are, it’s really just you versus yourself.” – Mark Manson
“Don’t hope for a life without problems. There is no such thing. Instead, hope for a life full of good problems.” – Mark Manson
Let go of the belief that you “can’t” do something.
Sometimes you have to do it scared.
“You suffer more in imagination than in reality.” – Cynic of the Younger
There is no worse place to sit than in indecision so, when deciding whether or not to take action, always take action.
Let go of the idea that there is only ONE THING. In fact, life will be comprised of many things.
Success comes with trying, failing, and then using that as insight and motivation to make improvements. (see more)
You don’t need to make yourself small to benefit someone else.
Don’t be afraid to walk away from people, opportunities, or things that are not the right fit. The right thing is on its way.
I mentioned some direct quotes above but other lessons on this list are my interpretation of wisdom from many people including the following: Michelle Mercado, Israel Rodriguez, Lacy Phillips, Mark Manson, Michael Bosstick, Alex Coll.
The plan is to keep sharing in 2020, as I’ve discovered just how important expression is to me. So, if you’re sticking around for the journey, then thank you. Truly.
Less than two months ago I was dealing with a unique form of pain that was beginning to really inhibit my daily life. The pain was inescapable because it was on my face: along my jaw, sides of my cheeks, and stretching down into my neck and upper back. Now, this did not develop overnight but over the past year it has gradually been getting worse. I’m all about working on my body and my health by myself but this was a situation that I felt outside help was necessary.
TMJ & clenching my jaw
Let me backtrack a little and say that I believe the pain in my face started after I got my wisdom teeth removed. I did not have any complications post-procedure but I did notice the mobility of my jaw just felt different. So, I hit up my dentist to get a professional opinion. My dentist quickly shut down the idea that there could be any possible link between my wisdom teeth removal and the pain I had in my face.
I take a holistic approach with everything regarding my body and I knowit is all connected. He said I was grinding my teeth and that is why I had the tension build-up in my face. My dentist “diagnosed me” with a TMJ issue, which stands for Temporomandibular joint Syndrome. I was given a referral to a specialist 4 hours away from me but the idea of getting a retainer or physical therapy for my face did not seem appealing. I don’t want to discredit anything TMJ specialists can do but I had literally been doing at least 2 facial massage + mobility exercises a day, jade-rolling, and rubbing various high-potency essential oils on my face for months to no avail. So the issue felt deeper-rooted.
I was at a place where my face felt stiff and swollen 24/7 and simply smiling was downright uncomfortable and painful.
Given the likelihood that I had begun grinding my teeth after my wisdom teeth surgery, I began to work on releasing my jaw. I tend to clench my jaw, fists, and toes when under stress. So, that did certainly make a difference in my jaw but that would only be helpful going forward…there was still the pain that had previously formed which needed to be addressed—pain that can only be described as a constant, bothersome, tension that was deeply embedded in my body. No amount of foam rolling, stretching, and self-massages could release it.
I had been curious to try acupuncture for a while but I have always tried to cure my body on my own. Plus, I inquired about the pricing per session and my insurance was not going to cover it. I’d have to pay full price. So I sat on the idea, wondering if I could find someone else…meanwhile researching on Google how acupuncture has been used to treat TMJ.
The tipping point.
I was already living with constant swelling, a distinct heat and redness on my face, and a “tugging” feeling on the muscle down the side of my jaw. Yet, it wasn’t until I was eating dinner one day where I could hear my jaw making a clicking/popping sound. My family turned their heads in surprise. I did a few jaw exercises to see if that would help but it felt like the bones where my neck meets my jaw were coming out of place and pulling at the tendons in my neck. The sound was unsettling but the tightness and the way my bones rubbed together was worse. My jaw started to tire out and, quickly, it hurt so much I was in tears.
I ponied up and called my local acupuncturist to book an appointment. The blessed soul had availability the very next day.
I can’t speak for all acupuncturists but the way mine works is:
He takes your weight, blood pressure, pulse, and asks what has brought you in. You describe your issue and he takes you to a room to lie down on a bed for treatment.
I was seeking treatment for my face, jaw, neck, and upper back. The first session involved cups and needles but, as the sessions progressed, I would receive more needles than I would cups.
I won’t pretend to know the ins and outs of this therapy but I believe cupping serves to draw out tension and the darker areas also provide a guide to the acupuncturist as to where to place needles. So, in my first treatment, I removed my shirt and got cups placed all over my back. After about 20 minutes, needles were placed at various places on my back and neck, and a needle on each of my feet. After 15 minutes, those were removed and I flipped over to have needles placed on my face, neck, hands, and feet.
It is worth stating that I didn’t feel any immediate changes to my pain and tension after the session but I did feel calmer, at ease, and I just steady. At the point of two days post-session, I can safely say about 75% of my pain was gone.
I felt dramatically different but that certainly was not enough for me to stop there. I proceeded to have weekly treatments to target my jaw and neck area. Each time, I’d go through a similar process of cups and needles. The sessions that followed were similar to my first, just with cups and needles placed in slightly different spots depending on where the pain/tension was at. As they went on, the fewer cups I needed to get because the tension I had was also lower. It felt like additional increments of that remaining 25% tension were getting alleviated each time. Even the redness and swelling were gone around session 4.
The purpose of this post is just to describe how acupuncture has helped with my TMJ and shed some light on how it helped!
I don’t yet know if I’ll need to get acupuncture for the same issue again soon or in the coming months but right now I can say that my TMJ has been greatly alleviated. Also, I noted earlier that releasing my jaw makes a difference. Well, now that the pain is largely gone, I can implement that habit and use that for preventing tension from building up as badly as it had.
FInal note: My acupuncture sessions literally became my favorite part of my week. They proved to be so relaxing (even though I had needles stuck in my skin!) that I would nearly fall asleep. Even though this alternative medicine treatment can be pricey, when you’re dealing with an issue that drastically depletes your quality of life, it is worth tending to! I’m extremely grateful to have tried this form of treatment and, if you’re dealing with TMJ or a similarly deep musculoskeletal issue, I certainly recommend giving acupuncture a try.
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