I’ve been waiting for that big thing to click inside of me. Like, the save-all; the missing piece of me that I haven’t been able to put my finger on; the aspect I’ve been ignoring. Perhaps the very thing that I need is in front of me and I haven’t seen it—or maybe I have that backwards: it is inside of me and that’s why I don’t see it.
It’s easy to feel desperate when you’re so narrow-minded, only able to see what’s in front of you
Still…what is that thing? Just as equally deluding as the idea of where the big thing is hidden, is the idea that we only have one big thing. The media glamorizes stories of revelations so it’s no wonder we expect to wake up in bed one day with a soft, shimmering beam of sunlight hitting our faces through the crack in our bedroom curtains. Then, there in that moment, we KNOW the answer to life or, slightly less dramatic, whatever has been on our mind.
However, that’s a fanciful, romanticized picture of what we expect to happen to us. I shouldn’t speak for everyone but, at least for me, I’ve wondered when that moment will hit me. While I actively seek out self-development, I also have a tremendous desperation to find my calling. Did you catch that word? I hold excitement, motivation, and persistence to find my calling, but also desperation.
Where does this desperation stem from? Honestly, I could blame society’s pushiness towards youth to “stop messing around” and “commit to something already” but I blame my own self-created comparison trap. When I compare, I look at others who already seem to be in their passions and careers and make myself feel unaccomplished. For all I know, I could be at the start of my big thing right now, too. As the person on the inside, I can’t see that grand scheme of it all quite yet.
Moreover, there’s also this inkling of a suspicion that I have that negates the whole “we all have our big things” theory. It could be that…
Perhaps life isn’t composed of one big thing but simply a series of small, consecutive actions directed by a common value.
For example, sometimes actors gain fame because of that one movie they made, or writers for that one best-selling novel, or scientists for that one significant discovery. It’s not to say that other bodies of work outside of their claim to fame are any less worthwhile or deserving. Nor are the individuals who do not end up with that one big thing that launches them into fame.
We are intentionally (or unintentionally) holding ourselves back by thinking we need to have ONE THING. In the struggle to find it and make our mark, we beat ourselves up, battle conflict and doubt, try different avenues and, when that isn’t fruitful, we question our self-worth. The more likely problem is not that we don’t have a calling; it is that we are many things. Sure, some areas might shine a little brighter than others but nothing would stand out if all we had was one thing. Imagine that.
It’s the combination of all of our experiences—and never are there any too small—for those are what make up our lives.
Therefore, the big thing that we seek cannot be found on its own. The big thing begins to take form only once you’ve been through enough little things. Let me also clarify that little does not mean unimportant. It is a matter of carrying out enough consistent efforts towards things that interest you. It can be different things or the same thing—it’s all going to help create that larger thing. Perhaps the moment of discovery happens quite picturesque like I described before. Yet, my hunch is that the little moments start to trail into one another and sooner that you know, you’re in the thick of your big thing: your story.
How’s that for a plot twist? Whenever I’ve spoken to mentors, they often admit that they don’t know everything. I think we all secretly walk around thinking there’s some key to life that others have and we just have not discovered yet. Even the so-called “experts” are only experts in their field and must be constant learners. A funny thing that happens once you “know” a lot more is that you realize you really only know a small fraction of everything there is to know. You can only know what you know. It sounds rather obvious but it is also humbling.
The truth is that everyone is just figuring things out as they go along.
So, as much as I would love to peek into the future and have an answer as to what my big thing becomes, I’m also very much about the journey. The single moment of recognizing what my big thing is will not matter as much as all of these little moments I’m living out leading up to discovering my big thing.
As someone who really beat herself up for over 20 years of not knowing what she wanted to do, I feel equanimity in accepting the journey that focuses on the little things. However, I’d love to hear your thoughts. What is your perspective on finding your thing? Or, if you feel you’ve found your thing, how did that happen?