Happy 2019!  This is my first blog post of the year on melmakesithappen and I am tying it in to my intentions for 2019.  I posted a photo of my intentions here on Instagram but I’m really passionate about my chosen intentions so I want to dive a little deeper into a thought that influenced the creation of many of them: the fear of personal truth. 

The year 2018 was certainly the most trying and painful year for me yet.  I sank to new lows that literally tore my soul to pieces.  In spite of those hard times, I learned to pick myself back up.  I also find it important to mention that my road to feeling like me again hasn’t been straight and narrow.  It has involved steps forward and steps back; reaching contentment with situations and then revisiting old wounds; rinse and repeat.  

Of course, all of the experiences that we have can be seen as lessons that only lead us closer to that which is meant for us.  I would never have signed up for a true passion project if I hadn’t gone through what I did.  Still, in reflection over the events that have transpired over the last year, I realize the only regrets I have are for the times I did not express my personal truth.  

Throughout my life, I’ve let others voice their opinions and make decisions that affected me.  Sure, I have my own thoughts but I am also indecisive and that made me more apt to take on others’ views as the truth.  A lot of introspection made me see that only someone who does not know themselves is capable of being pushed around to the point of defeat in a battle they didn’t realize they were involved in. 

I sympathize with my younger self for all of the times she let fear keep her from being the person she wanted to be.

I always thought I needed to fit into the mold of what society has established.  If my thoughts, behaviors, or dreams did not fit into the societal structures or labels that already exist then I felt I needed to adjust myself for the world.  I can’t have expected more of my slightly younger self because she, and those around her, did not know any better. 

Parents, counselors, and friends only know what they know and it is people’s inclination to encourage you to choose what is safe. 

Don’t rock the boat. 

Know your place. 

Be grateful for what you have. 

While those conventional messages have a purpose and a place, they also can be confining.  They box you in and discourage the formation of unique desires for personal growth, career, religion, or other avenues.

Fear isn’t what we think it is.        

If we put aside the very big influence that others have on us, we are still left with our thoughts.  Let us not underestimate how much we, ourselves, place a huge restriction on saying what we want.  I can certainly vouch for letting FEAR stop me from challenging myself; consequently, I shut the doors on possibilities to experience more.  Fear is largely psychological.  We each are fully capable of creating a fear in our minds and elaborating upon that fear until we’ve created a monster that we don’t want to face.  The monster is so frightening that just the mere thought of it elicits a physiological reaction that is downright crippling, at its worst. 

I want to clarify what I mean about being afraid to say what we want.  Frankly, I do not believe we are actually scared to speak up but, rather, fearful of sharing the truth that is in our hearts.  The fear we have is based on the risk of experiencing backlash from the outside world.  Being vulnerable, misunderstood, ridiculed, hated, resented, isolated, or rejected are, just to name a few, some worst-case scenario thoughts that I’ve held.

What is the way around the fear of embracing our truth?

During my time studying psychology, one (of the many) things I learned is that our behavior in social situations is learned.  We take cues from those around us on how to act and even on what to say.  So, if you’ve ever had a negative experience after saying what you want, you’re not alone.  It’s no wonder we feel afraid to say what we want now! 

It is much easier to express yourself in a space where you feel your words will be heard and you won’t be judged or punished. 

In my opinion, the biggest and perhaps most important first step in overcoming the fear of speaking our minds is to know the truth—your truth.  You must be able to identify what you really want or believe in and say it proudly to yourself.  That might be in a journal, in a virtual or IRL (in-real-life, for those not savvy with internet lingo) support group, in conversation with a solid friend, maybe even through visual arts or other forms of creative expression. 

Once you can embrace your truth, there is less internal fear surrounding it.  There is something magical about the act of expressing your personal truth which then enables you to see your personal patterns and how that aligns with your desires.  It becomes the foundation for living your life with purpose.  Fear is less of an issue because you can recognize any “worst” thing that can happen to you is not a result of external causes but a result of mitigating your light. 

Experiences over the past year taught me that my truth does not need to be someone else’s and that is okay.  I can’t express enough how important it is to respect your voice and beliefs.  Believe in yourself even if it seems like right now no one else does.  Whole-heartedly accept what your soul tells you is true and you will never be afraid of speaking or acting on your desires because your truth will not lead you astray.

Xoxo,

Melanie