In conversation with a dear friend of mine recently, he said one thing he likes about me is that I am tirelessly ambitious in the area of self-improvement.  He said it with genuine admiration and I appreciated his noticing because I’d say that’s a quality I highly value in myself.  Ambition, not in the cut-throat, reckless sense of the word but in the goal-setting, driven meaning of it. 

I pride myself on self-development and, because of that, I like to see other people improve themselves. 

There is a popular quote, attributed to Jim Rohn that goes, “You’re the average of the five people spend the most time with”.  It is a phrase I’ve heard tossed around but I’ve been considering how that rings true lately.  I think the intention behind the words is to keep people around who are supportive in your journey.  Not just people who will give you a pat-on-the-back or offer the standard, “Congratulations on your achievement!” sort of support but people who will go through the thick of the roughage with you and you with them!

It is already difficult enough to make friends who are like-minded, supportive, and willing to put in effort into a friendship.  We attract and maintain friendships with people usually because they serve one of those 3 purposes.  Yet, I’ve also been thinking about how the needs of my own friendships have changed over time. 

In my young adult life, I discovered the concept of self-work and, as I mentioned earlier, I enjoy spending time on that. 

The act of setting goals and creating intentions is part of my weekly, if not daily vocabulary.  I even have a list of the many areas I’d like to grow in and things I’d like to accomplish but I recognize I can only sanely manage a few things at a time.  Therefore, I frequently set mini goals to work on and over time, use these to gauge my improvement.  This is the sort of stuff that lights me up.  I love seeing growth in myself through measures of my own design and my own choosing.  I digress….

So, what has been troubling for me to discover is that not everyone is on the mission of self-improvement.  I don’t mean to be so ignorant as to assume everyone wants the same thing as me.  However, I admit I was under the impression that others wanted more, too. 

This isn’t about me being young and naïve or having a world of possibilities ahead of me.  (Though, many people I’ve spoken with who are older than I am like to say that.)  I believe self-development knows no age limit.  I’ve seen it play out firsthand that one is never too young or too old to take an interest in improving themselves.  All a person needs is a desire for change and a little motivation to propel it forward.

For some, they are content with what they have and where they are at. They may not even be thrilled by the life they are living but they are comfortable and that is enough to keep them stagnant or simply not searching for more.   To clarify what I mean by more, I’m talking about the stuff we can’t touch.  It is common for us to think of ways to “improve” ourselves through a job, our paycheck, or being able to afford to purchase things we like or want.  However, those are all material things and the intangible more isn’t visible on the physical plane we often dwell.  The intangible are the goals and personal growth I was talking about earlier but also connection!  While elusive to the naked eye, all of this is much more substantial and satisfying to our spirits!    

People, of course, have the right to live their lives as they wish but when I am considering the people I surround myself with, I seek depth.  I want to be able to share my experiences with people close to me and have them understand.  I want to hear about the obstacles and naysayers standing in a person’s way and feel inspired by their persistence to combat the barriers in front of them with a brave face.  I want to have relationships with people where we can discuss how we would like to strive for more—not because we are wildly dissatisfied with our current state but—because we know there is more to experience! 

I have done a lot of self-work and only see more room for my own improvement.  The less acknowledged area of exploration is the universe that exists inside of us.  So, for me, it isn’t a chore or a mission; it’s just empowering to see what I am capable of and be brave enough to challenge myself even when the future is unknown. 

I spend so much time with myself and consuming content from online influencers who are of a similar vibe but I want that real life connection.  It’s awesome to open up my phone and have this inspiring influx of information but I feel called to reassess the friendships I have held onto so tightly.  Little by little I have lost touch with more friends than I have acquired.  That is okay because it is all about quality over quantity for me.  However, as I’ve been going through my health coaching program, I see a huge potential for expansion in myself.  I then look around me and am at a bit of a loss for individuals of the same vibe to share in the journey with. 

Without going into all the details about childhood wounds and whatnot, I’m now able to reflect on the people I’ve surrounded myself with throughout my life and how they’ve served me.  They benefited me for the place I was at but I can now look back and realize I wanted more then, too.  It’s like, when you have a feeling of something and you just don’t know the word for it.  I could feel I wanted more out of the people I surrounded myself with but I did not know what that meant, nonetheless how to acquire that.  In recent years I’ve been able to understand myself and my needs a lot more.  So, I’ve come to a place where I can’t save space for people who aren’t voracious about improvement or motivated to be better.    

I do not have ill will toward any of the friends I grew up with or met later in life.  I think everyone is where they are supposed to be for their personal journey.  Some people stay content forever without ever doing the self-development work that I am personally so invested in…and that is okay.  However, it is accessible to everyone.  There is a universe that exists inside of each of us and we can all explore it if only we have the desire. 

The greatest thing I can do is learn and when I feel the changes I seek in myself happening, I am encouraged to keep going.  It is a process that knows no limit to depth.  So rather than be preoccupied over where the high-vibe, growth-driven people I desire are, I trust the process; that through my self-work, I am already calling in the expansive people who can journey with me at this next part of my life. 

Have you cut ties with friends because you needed different things than they could provide?  Or have you grown with your friends?  I’d love to hear what your experiences are.

Xoxo,

Melanie